Turn off his dang TV!!!

It’s Monday. There are 400 days until the midterm elections. Zo vs. Cuomo Part II, Trump’s TV habits are going to get someone killed and it’s time to shut it down.

Adam Parkhomenko

and

Sam Youngman

Sep 29, 2025

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Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it didn’t jinx the Ryder Cup team like an asshole.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are ya? Did you have a good weekend? Did you go on television and sell out your entire belief system in service of an orange dumbshit? No? Well that’s good. We knew you wouldn’t. You’re way too sexy and patriotic. But this soulless motherfucker on the other hand…

Hmmmmm. Hard to believe a guy who got his ass whooped by a senior citizen would be so paranoid. Ya know, Trump sure has exposed a lot of hypocrisy these last few years, but there’s one group we’ve been wanting to call out for a while. LIBERTARIANS WERE SO FUCKING FULL OF SHIT!!!! THEY ARE TO FREEDOM WHAT RIGHT-WING CHRISTIANS ARE TO THE TEACHINGS OF JESUS CHRIST!!! Trump is ripping up the Constitution and so-called Libertarians don’t give a shit. Making excuses for a king-like president to send the military to use against American cities? Ayn Rand would be appalled. Or she’d flip-flop and reveal herself to be completely full of shit just like her namesake and the rest of the fucking posers. But hey, at least now we know — they were always lying racist contrarian assholes who just wanted legal weed.

So today we’d like to invite the Libertarians of this country to go eat a big pile of shit, fuck off and then shove a copy of The Fountainhead right up their hypocrite asses. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The president of the United States had a totally normal weekend posting AI video of himself spreading QAnon conspiracy theories about “med beds.” We didn’t know this was a thing. We wish we still didn’t. More: Yahoo News

Note three: And when he wasn’t doing that, he was dicking around at the Ryder Cup, where American fans embarrassed themselves and our country by being total assholes. Oh and the U.S. lost. Thanks, Trump. More: The Guardian

Note four: The best part about the Ryder Cup fiasco? The Europe team trolled Trump after they won. Ouch. More: Yahoo

Note five: Speaking of rich white assholes, here’s Karoline Leavitt talking about how Trump is going to hurt poor people more if Democrats refuse to help him keep the government open. Very Christian of her. But here’s the thing, HE’S ALREADY DOING THIS SHIT!!!

Note six: The couch-fucking vice president said this weekend that more indictments are coming after the one against Jim Comey. Gosh, that sure sounds political to us. Hope couch boy is ready to spend the rest of his life defending this shit and trying to stay out of prison. More: HuffPost

Note seven: ICE and their fellow goons are in Chicago doing photo-ops and generally wasting our money. They even admitted they’re arresting people based on “how they look.” As always, FUCK ICE. We’re sending love, Chi-town. More: Chicago Sun-Times

Note eight: The Broadview, Illinois police are investigating after ICE scum fucked up a reporter’s car. Lock them up. More: Fox32 Chicago

Note nine: Trump is absolutely wrecking soybean farmers. Or did they wreck themselves? More: Associated Press

Note 10: And while the price of ground beef is through the fucking roof, don’t worry because Trump is telling us just how great the goddamn gold in the Oval fucking Office is. Can you imagine how the press would howl if a Democrat was this fucking out of touch?!

Note 11: This is a really messed up story out of Michigan. Apparently a Trump supporter ramed his truck into a church, shot a bunch of people and then set the church on fire. Are we gonna have several days of national mourning and stories about Trump supporter violence now? More: NPR

Note 12: Hey, so um, what the fuck is going on with Marjorie Taylor Greene? We’d say she appears to be having some kind of crisis, but that has always been true. More: HuffPost

Note 13: This was a bummer story from the world of sports. USC’s JuJu Watkins, last year’s women’s college basketball player of the year, will sit out this whole season with a knee injury. Get better, JuJu! More: ESPN

Note 14: This is pretty bad news for people who like breathing and living on Earth. Trump’s goons announced today they’re opening up 13 million public acres for coal leasing. These dumb motherfuckers are literally trying to bring the 1800s back. More: CNBC

Note 15: Thank you to GOAT Simone Biles for speaking some truth…

Note 16: Congratulations to singer Bad Bunny on being named the next Super Bowl halftime performer. Not only are we fans of his music, but we love how much he pisses off the cult. More: Mediaite

Note 17: You know that meeting of military leadership that Hegseth called that has us all terrified? Well it got worse. Now Trump is going to speak to them. More: NBC News

Note 18: We didn’t realize until this morning that John Roberts and his corrupt court are in a position to help out Ghislaine Maxwell like Trump did. But we’re sure it’ll be fine. It’s not like the Roberts court has a history of helping high-profile criminals. Oh fuck. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Chicago and the greatest video of the weekend. ICE got all the funding in the world, and they still couldn’t catch this dude on a bike. LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend. Unless you’ve spent the last few decades pretending to be a Libertarian. In which case you can fuck right off. Love y’all!

Go Zo!
To the surprise of pretty much no one, corrupt and failed NYC Mayor Eric Adams dropped out of the mayoral race yesterday. We’re all eager to see how many bags of cash he got from some Republican or Turkish group to get out of the race. We’d also love to fucking know why Hakeem Jeffries put out a statement kissing this crook’s ass while still refusing to endorse the Democratic nominee. True to form, Zo made a badass video calling out Cuomo and Trump and reminding them that he already beat their asses by 13 points earlier this year. Trump responded by attacking Mamdani on social media and promising to withhold federal dollars from NYC. Sounds pretty fucking illegal to us. More: ABC7NY

TURN OFF THE FUCKING TV!!!
So on Friday, Trump announced he was sending the military into Portland and ordering them to use “full force” if necessary. In other words, he is telling armed soldiers they can kill Americans. But literally everyone in Portland is confused because there are no riots and no real violence there. So the governor of Oregon gets on the phone with Trump and asks what his fucking problem is, and — get this — he says what she is telling him is different than what he’s seeing on TV and what his people are telling him. JESUS HORATIO CHRIST!!! SERIOUSLY?! Here’s the actual quote — “Am I watching things on television that are different from what’s happening?” YES, YOU DUMB FUCK!!! You can all take comfort that Jake Tapper might write a book about this crazy shit a few years from now. More: KGW

Shut. It. Down.
So on Wednesday the government shuts down because Republicans are refusing to negotiate with Democrats to keep it open. It’s that fucking simple. Trump, Mike Little Johnson and John Thune are all demanding Democrats sign on to a temporary funding bill and flat out refusing to offer any concessions, even one that would stop healthcare premiums from skyrocketing. So yeah, fuck them. Apparently congressional leaders are finally meeting with Trump at the White House today after he canceled the meeting last week. Our message to Schumer and Jeffries is simple — hold the line and shut it down or just retire. More: CNN

Today’s clips
Dolly Parton has postponed a string of concerts in Las Vegas amid “health challenges,” she announced Sept. 28. More: NBC News

Fox News contributor and conservative legal commentator Andy McCarthy argued that the DOJ indictment of former FBI Director James Comey is “factually without foundation” and “should be dismissed” in a new column for National Review. More: Mediaite

Missouri Gov. Mike Kehoe signed a new U.S. House map into law Sunday as part of President Donald Trump’s plan to try to hold on to a narrow Republican majority in next year’s congressional election. More: HuffPost

Donald Trump will meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the White House on Monday. More: NBC News

Sen. Chris Murphy is donating $100,000 from his political fund to the progressive organizing group Indivisible — the latest in a series of donations he says total nearly $1 million to grassroots groups across the country taking on the Trump administration. More: NBC News