Trump’s shrinkage

It’s Wednesday. There are 552 days until the midterm elections. The brain worm guy has some stupid advice, Trump is confused by photoshop and the economy’s shrinkage.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it didn’t fuck up the whole damn economy.

Note from Adam: Sam will probably be pissed I told everyone but today is his birthday and he is one of the best fighters and communicators we have on our side and on the right side of history. If you get a chance today, wish him a happy birthday!

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, everything managed to somehow get dumber. Like way dumber. To be honest, we thought we were too jaded at this point to be this shocked. But this took our breath away. If you haven’t seen it already, brace yourselves…

WHAT?! Well that’s pretty fucked up. Even for Lindsey Graham. We’re not gonna spend a ton of time on this ridiculous shit, but we did want some clarity. So here’s an interview with God…

Us: Hey, God!

God: Hey boys. Loving the newsletter. Although you really pushed it with that dead pope thing.

Us: Yeah, we thought so too. Speaking of which, do you agree with Lindsey Graham that…

God: No.

Us: … that Trump should be pope and president?

God: No. No fucking way. No fucking how. I’ll flood this whole motherfucking planet again before I’ll let that happen. Try me.

Us: No ma’am. We wouldn’t do that. So why don’t you like hit Lindsey with lightning or something?

God: I did something much, much worse. I made him Lindsey Graham.

Us: Oh snap.

Well that was a treat. We wish we could say we were surprised that even God hates Lindsey Graham, but that’s hardly a shocker. What a sad, weird little shit. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Yesterday we reported that Amazon was going to back down after saying it would tell its customers how much tariffs were costing them. It was even worse than we thought. Trump called Bezos the Bitch Weasel to complain and Bezos folded immediately. What’s the point of FU money if you’re just gonna be a kiss-ass? More: CNN

Note three: We know a lot of people are defending Gretchen Whitmer for hanging out with Trump yesterday because she won some dough for her state. That’s cool. But we think an important part of public service is standing up to fascism, and Big Gretch has failed on that score. She will never see a dime or a vote from us. You can serve your state without hugging a rapist piece of shit. More: Associated Press

Note four: And while we’re criticizing our own party, the House Oversight Committee needs some young, aggressive blood. Rep. Stephen Lynch is probably a good dude, but he ain’t the dude for this. More: Axios, The Downballot

Note five: This is real. We have no fucking idea how or why, but it is real.

Note six: The FBI is punishing agents who took a knee to support George Floyd. How long until they try to kill Fred Hampton again? More: CNN

Note seven: There’s a horse running in the Kentucky Derby this weekend named Journalism. Don’t bet on it.

Note eight: Republicans want to ban anti-semitism, but they also want to make it legal to say Jews killed Jesus. So they’re in quite a bind. It’s tough being against antisemitism when you’re also antisemitic. More: Forward

Note nine: It’s still just wild to us that the White House Correspondents Association canceled Amber Ruffin and then claimed they were celebrating the First Amendment. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Is this good? Because it seems really not good.

Note 11: Congratulations to CNN, whose star analysts and resident Trump buttlick Scott Jennings joined Trump on stage last night. Remember when those fuckers had the nerve to call themselves the most trusted name in news More: HuffPost

Note 12: Mike Liddle Johnson is working hard to protect Pass Out Pete Hegseth from being investigated. Like he’s literally trying to make it illegal to look into his incompetence. More: CNN

Note 13: So why the hell did the New England Patriots’ team plane really go to Gitmo? More: HuffPost

Note 14: Republicans are walking the plank when they vote to fuck with medicaid. We’re excited to make them eat it. More: Axios

Note 15: This would be fucking hilarious if you saw it in a movie. Unfortunately, this is somehow real life.

Note 16: The parent company of 60 Minutes is preparing to sell out to Trump, and he is already lying and gloating and suggesting the NYTimes is next. Goodbye, First Amendment. More: The Hill

Note 17: Here’s another chapter from Trump’s war against antisemitism. He fired Doug Emhoff from the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Council. We’re seriously starting to think Trump doesn’t really care about combating antisemitism. More: NBC News

Note 18: We’ve already been boycotting Target, but now that we know they gave $1 million to Trump’s inauguration, we won’t be going in one of their stores ever again. More: The Minnesota Star Tribune

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, BABS HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT!

Note 20: And on that joyous note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week. Would you like to be the pope? You’d get our vote. Love y’all!

HHStupid
So we knew that Brain Worm Bobby was gonna be a disaster as HHS secretary, but it really is amazing just how dumb this fucking guy is. He went on Dr. Phil’s show and told people to “do your own research” about vaccinating their kids. Ok sure, bro. But we don’t have medical degrees or know shit about this stuff. Kinda like our HHS secretary. Trump failed this too. ABC’s Terry Moran asked Trump if people should get their kids vaccinated against measles and Trump told him it should be up to the governors. Then he talked about how great the Texas governor is. So yes, please vaccinate your kids. If we all do the opposite of what these dumbfucks tell us, then maybe we’ll survive the next few years. More: New York Times

Photoshop fantasies
So clearly an aide to Trump took a picture of Kilmar Garcia’s hand and added the letters and numbers “MS-13.” But Trump doesn’t know that. He doesn’t understand how it works. So in a jaw-dropping exchange, Trump told ABC’s Terry Moran that Garcia has MS-13 tattooed on his knuckles. When Moran tried to explain the truth, Trump got upset. But maybe more importantly, Trump admitted that he could call the president of El Salvador and get Garcia home. But he won’t. That means he’s defying the Supreme Court. It also means we might be fucked. More: Independent

Here we go
Welp, it only took 100 days for a total fucking idiot to wreck our economy. We got new GDP numbers this morning and learned that, under Trump, the U.S. economy actually shrunk in the first quarter for the first time in years. Yeah, thanks to President Asshead’s tariffs, the GDP declined 0.3 percent. So what did Trump do? He ran to Truth Social to tell people to “BE PATIENT” and declare that this is “Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s.” Whatever you say, moron. Buckle up, everybody. More: CNBC

Today’s clips
Top Trump adviser Stephen Miller told Fox News’ John Roberts — live on air — that the conservative network needs to fire its pollster after it showed low polling numbers for President Donald Trump. More: HuffPost

Critics condemned as “sickening” and “despicable” the response that supporters of Donald Trump had to footage of alleged foreign gang members being removed from America that was aired during the president’s rally in Warren, Michigan, on Tuesday. More: HuffPost

A judge on Wednesday ordered that Columbia University student Mohsen Mahdawi be released from federal immigration custody. More: NBC News

Neil Young debuted his newest protest anthem at a benefit concert in Los Angeles Saturday night with a politically loaded reimagining of Woody Guthrie’s classic This Land Is Your Land, complete with digs at Big Auto and one of tech’s biggest moguls: Elon Musk. More: Mediaite