Trump's inauguration shakedown

Today’s Big Stuff. December 27, 2024.

Happy Friday. There are 676 days until the midterm elections. Trouble with the terrible people, Trump’s dumb and awful Christmas message and the inauguration shakedown.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. In fact we decked the fucking halls with it.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Did you ask Santa for an extra shot of sexiness because he sure delivered! We had a lovely holiday, but we sure missed you and we’re excited to share some big news with you from when we were away… More: Bluesky

Wow! How cool is that? We know you’re worried about how scary things are about to get, but we can surely all agree that it’s great to see the eagle officially declared our national bird. We were so excited that we invited Eddie the Eagle to come talk to us.

TBS: Hey Eddie!

Eddie the Eagle: Um hey guys. Big fan.

TBS: Thanks! So congratulations on being named America’s official bird!

Eddie: Seriously? Are we really fucking doing this?

TBS: Well yeah. Why not?

Eddie: Because a bunch of dumb evil motherfuckers are about to rob this stupid country blind and fuck over poor and marginalized people while they do. It’s a goddamn nightmare.

TBS: Oh.

Eddie: Yeah, we’d be better off making a lump of diseased bird shit our national bird. Everything is about to be so terrible and I can’t stop crying. Fuck Trump. Fuck everything.

TBS: Ok well thanks for joining us. Have fun flying today.

Eddie: He’s talking about invading fucking Canada!

TBS: Ok, Ed, take care now.

Sheesh. Poor Eddie. We hope you folks are able to have a little more fun this holiday season than he is. But we sure understand if you’re not. Even our goddamn eagles are depressed. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Sexy Patriots, Sam is sneaking down South for some surfing next week to try to get his head right for what’s coming. We’ll be sharing some exclusive posts throughout the week, but full editions of TBS won’t return until Jan. 6, which seems like a good day to do some cussing. We hate to take the time off, but we promise to come back even better and way more fucked up. We’re gonna miss you, SPs, but we will be back fresher and cussier than ever!

Note three: We’re gonna talk more about this in the news section, but Nikki Haley is so mad at Vivek Ramaswamy that she’s probably going to vote for him. More: Yahoo News

Note four: Greenland’s PM says the country is not for sale. Let us pray for the safety of Greenland. More: CBS News

Note five: As Democrats, we do a lot of dumb shit. But surely we won’t do something this dumb… More: Bluesky

Note six: It looks like Russia shot down another passenger plane. Republicans are already making excuses for them. More: CNN

Note seven: Did y’all see Beyonce rock the halftime of that Christmas NFL game? More: NPR

Note eight: And the NBA had its best ratings on Christmas Day that it’s had in five years. That makes us happy because we love that league and we know how much the racist assholes hate it. More: Yahoo Sports

Note nine: Elon Leon is trying to destroy Wikipedia because it’s one of the few sources of truth and reality he doesn’t control. What a fucking asshole. (Also, we’re sorry to link to the NYPost, but we literally couldn’t find this story anywhere else!) More: New York Post

Note 10: What’s the opposite of best wishes? We hope these two give each other syphilis that has crabs. More: Twitter

Note 11: Trump sent a note of encouragement to alleged child rapist Matt Gaetz. Let’s all pretend to be surprised. More: Yahoo News

Note 12: The Washington Post had a story yesterday about low-income Trump voters hoping he won’t cut the programs they need. Goddamnit to hell. Does anyone who supports this asshole actually listen to him when he talks?! More: Salon

Note 13: The AP says that Americans are exhausted by politics so they’re turning off cable news. We’ve seen a surge of subscribers and Sexy Patriots since the election. So maybe people just don’t like rich ass-kissing elitists pretending to be journalists. More: Associated Press

Note 14: Ro Khanna is so desperate to be a Republican that he is now sharing stories from disgraced former journalist and serial sexual harasser Mark Halperin. So when is Ro switching parties? NO LINK

Note 15: Maybe instead of arguing whether Kamala Harris should have gone on Joe Rogan we should have been discussing why so many Americans are getting their news from this fucking moron. More: Bluesky

Note 16: Netanyahu is calling Elon Leon “the unofficial president?” Oof. That’s gotta hurt. More: Independent

Note 17: Holy freaking shit! Wicked is coming to home theater on New Year’s Eve! So we’ve got that to look forward to! More: EW

Note 18: When things seem dark, just remember that Henry Kissinger is still dead. We also recommend Hot Frosty on Netflix. It’s hilarious and charming. Just like Kissinger’s death.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to send some love to a real journalist, Tennessee’s Phil Williams. Phil is a big believer in pursuing and defending truth, so the MAGA scum have come for him. Stay strong, Phil! More: Bluesky

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a magical holiday season. And if not, we sure hope you’re holding up better than our national bird. Love y’all!

IDIOT FIGHT!
So shit is coming apart in Trumpland. Yesterday Elon Leon, Vivek Ramaswamy and Laura Loomer all got into a public fight over HB1 visas for tech workers and holy shit these fuckers are gonna destroy each other before they even get in office. Vivek and Elon Leon basically called American workers too dumb and too lazy to work in Silicon Valley with Vivek even going as far as to say Americans are like “Corey” from Boy Meets Work and too jock-ish to succeed. Yeah, we don’t think he ever watched the show. After the Trump trash reminded Elon Leon that they are very racist and don’t want Indian workers in America, Elon Leon started removing their blue checks and abilities to monetize twitter. It was a crazy asshole fight, and it was delicious. More: Axios

Well fuck you too
While normal people spent Christmas being cool and decent to each other, the president-elect used the occasion to rage against Americans, the Panama Canal and other dumb shit. It was a good reminder that there’s a crazy pathetic loser about to be president again and he actually spends most of his time yelling at people who don’t like him because he sucks. If you didn’t see the Christmas message, then you did the right thing. Ignore his dumb shit and live your life as much as you can. And for what it’s worth, we hope his Christmas sucked ass. More: Reuters

Shakedown
According to Rolling Stone, Trump is demanding big corporations and rich people pay up $1 million to his inauguration fund, and he’s keeping track of who does and who doesn’t pay. So yeah, the U.S. federal government is now no different than any other cheap mafia protection scheme, and it’s just so goddamn gross. What’s worse is that the mainstream media are acting like all this corrupt shit is normal. Well we’re here to tell you that it ain’t. More: New Republic, Rolling Stone

Today’s clips
|For decades, South Korea was an example of a vibrant democracy and economy. On Friday, the key United States ally was in uncharted territory when legislators voted to impeach the acting president less than two weeks after ousting the country’s previous leader. More: NBC News

Republicans plan to move quickly in their effort to overhaul the nation’s voting procedures, seeing an opportunity with control of the White House and both chambers of Congress to push through long-sought changes that include voter ID and proof-of-citizenship requirements. More: Huff Post

A whopping 38 gubernatorial races will be on the ballot from coast to coast over the next two years, contests that will shape a long list of hot-button policy issues and the directions of both political parties following the 2024 presidential election. More: NBC News