It’s Saturday. There are 17 days until Election Day. Trump wants more police brutality, VP Harris rents space under some orange skin and the man admits he’s “f**king crazy.”
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can report that Trump is losing his shit.
Note: Howdy Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you this weekend? We’re pretty good too. Mostly because we’re on the cool/good/winning side and we don’t have to pretend like a dumbass gameshow host is some kind of genius. It’s way more fun to be on Team Kamala than it is to defend icky shit like this…
Ewwww. So gross. Thank goodness our candidate doesn’t use the word “schlonged.” Heck, we’re pretty sure nobody does. Also, our candidate doesn’t defend rapists. And our candidate isn’t a rapist. So it’s at this point we’re going to thank you Sexy Patriots for your hard work this weekend on behalf of democracy and turn our attention to the undecided voters out there with this quick message…
WHAT THE EFFING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DO YOU NOT HEAR THIS FUCKING IDIOT TALK?! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY TOILET PAPER?! DO YOU NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT STUFF LIKE RAPE AND ATTACKS ON THE US CAPITOL?! WE LOVE YOU AND WE WANT AND NEED YOUR VOTE SO PLEASE STOP BEING A GODDAMN MORON AND JOIN THE GOOD SIDE!
That was really more for us than any undecided voters, and we have to say it felt pretty good. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Trump wants Bibi to kill more people, criticizing Biden yesterday for holding Netanyahu back. So anyone who is trying to send a message to the VP by voting for Trump, you should know that you’ll be voting for more death. More: New Republic
Note three: Trump also said yesterday that nobody has been treated worse in American history than the Jan. 6 terrorists except maybe the Japanese who were interned in the US during WWII. We know you know this but the Japanese in this country didn’t attack the goddamn Capitol. More: Associated Press
Note four: If you hear some shit about Project 2028, please know that it’s not coming from Kamala Harris. It is coming from one of Elon Leon Musk’s dark money groups as he pulls every dirty trick in the book to try and buy this country. He’s even offering $100 a vote in Pennsylvania. He is what Republicans have long pretended George Soros is, and it’s infuriating. More: Open Secrets
Note five: Orange assface says he doesn’t “give a damn” how to pronounce the VP’s name. He could just call her the woman who kicked his ass at the debate. Or maybe Madam President would be easier for him.
Note six: He also couldn’t get his microphone to work. That’s not a euphemism. But it’s definitely a metaphor. He did get it working in time to call his supporters fat pigs. We’re not even joking. More: Associated Press
Note seven: If a Republican had this long of a stock market winning streak, members of the media would be having spontaneous orgasms on-air. More: NBC News
Note eight: It sure looks like the fella trying to beat Jon Tester is suffering from a bad case of stolen valor. And we know how much Republicans pretend to hate that shit. If this dude lied about getting shot in Afghanistan, then that should be it. Right? More: Salon
Note nine: How much do we love North Carolina? They said fuck a hurricane and turned out to vote in record numbers. Raise up! More: Associated Press
Note 10: Willie Nelson likes people who don’t hide in supply closets.
Black and blue
As per usual, Trump said heaps and heaps of crazy shit yesterday. But we’re struck by his call for total immunity for the police and how he reconciles that with his efforts to win Black men. Trump’s whole criminal justice platform right now is to turn the police loose with even less accountability than they have now. Can you freaking believe this was the president when Americans marched for change after George Floyd’s murder? Doesn’t seem like he learned much, does it? Check out this clip. He even says we “have to stop being politically correct.” Sounds pretty fucking scary, doesn’t it? More: Twitter
He’s got her…
…Under his skin. VP Harris is good at a lot of stuff. But she’s a damn expert at getting under Trump’s skin. Yesterday, after Politico reported that Trump was canceling interviews because he’s “exhausted,” the VP hit Trump and hit him hard. She asked if he’s too tired to campaign then how the hell can he be president? Seems like a fair question. And when Trump got asked it, he was very unhappy. He went off, calling Harris a “loser” and swearing he’s “not even tired.” LOL. Sure, nappy. More: The Guardian
“Fucking crazy”
For years that’s how we’ve described Trump. Now that’s how he’s describing himself. In a terrifying interview with the Wall Street Journal, Trump said Xi wouldn’t invade Taiwan if he was president because Xi knows “I’m fucking crazy.” Um yikes. He also said of Putin: “We’re friends.” Friends? How is this not the end of the campaign?
Today’s clips
Barack Obama spent a while Friday night poking fun of Donald Trump’s odd behavior as of late, warning that America would be getting “an older, loonier” version of him “with no guardrails” if he wins back the presidency next month. More: Huff Post
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) claimed Friday during an interview with conspiracy theorist Alex Jones that Dominion Voting Systems software was “switching” votes in her district from Republican candidates to Democratic Party candidates. After Donald Trump lost the 2020 election, many of his allies on the right made similar claims, which were roundly debunked and in part led to Dominion winning 787 million dollars from Fox News in a defamation lawsuit. More: Mediaite
Both presidential candidates promise to build more homes. One promises to deport hundreds of thousands of people who build them. More: NBC News
Immigration researchers, lawyers, and economists have pointed to immense constitutional, humanitarian and economic problems posed by Trump's oft-repeated pledge. But beyond the anticipated damage to immigrant families, communities and local economies, the roundup and deportation of some 11 million people is near impossible to bankroll, according to an analysis of U.S. budget and immigration court data by CBS News. More: CBS News
Donnie is going to get “schlonged” soon after he loses and Jack Smith gets done with him.
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