Trump terrorizes Ohio

Today’s Big Stuff. September 13, 2024.

Happy Friday! There are 53 days until the general election. Trump terrorizes Ohio, Kamala raises big crowds and big dough and dry-heaves over orangey’s new girlfriend. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Like Trump does when he sees Kamala’s crowd sizes or looks down in the shower. 

Note: Sexy Patriots, we don’t want to oversell it, but you are in for a big damn treat today. After five years of cussing Donald Trump’s flatulating ample orange ass to hell and back, we finally decided it was time we go straight to the horse’s ass’s mouth and give him a chance to respond. So, SPs, we set out yesterday to interview Donald Trump. Crazy, right? Well it gets crazier.

First, we drove out to a farm. The farmer was confused by our presence, but he couldn’t have been any nicer. He took us to his chicken coop and pointed out which chickens had already eaten that day. We asked him which chicken was the most easily frightened, and he pointed out a mangy, ugly and clearly stupid chicken alone in the corner. We then put on latex gloves and got out a little bowl and we put it under that mangy chicken’s ass. And we waited. And eventually, that chicken’s gross little butthole opened up and out came the chickenshit. And we asked that chickenshit why he won’t debate Kamala Harris again. 

Zing! LOL. What a fucking coward! Kamala broke his ass. So yeah, he ain’t nothing but a chickenshit at this point. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Jill Stein had a rough day yesterday. And it was delicious. More: Mediaite

Note three: A close ally of Trump’s has been caught being involved in an anti-semitic campaign in Michigan to tell Arab American voters that MVP is married to a Jewish man. Mass outrage coming from the media any minute now. God these people are sick. More: Deadline Detroit

Note four: LOL. The crowd at Tim Walz’s rally yesterday was chanting “we’re not eating cats.” More: Independent

Note five: It took way too fucking long, but the press is finally starting to notice the Hannibal Lecter guy is losing his shit. More: Acyn

Note six: Awwww yeah. The Smartmatic lawsuit against Trumpland appears headed to trial. We’re very excited to hear more about how Republicans and their media friends lied to the American people and attempted a coup. More: Associated Press

Note seven: RIP to Chad McQueen, Steve’s only son and a memorable character from the original Karate Kid. More: CNN

Note eight: Mel Brooks endorsed Kamala Harris yesterday. For old dorks like us, this is our Taylor Swift moment.

Note nine: How serious is Trump about being president? Well he unveiled a new scam yesterday, this one hawking crypto bullshit. So yeah, pretty serious. More: Associated Press

Note 10: And his last scam ain’t doing so good. Such a shame that America’s dumbshits lost their shirts investing in Truth Social. More: CNN

Note 11: Some good news/bad news. The good news is that a judge said North Dakota’s abortion ban is unconstitutional. The bad news is that all the abortion clinics already closed. It will take decades to un-do what Trump has done. More: Associated Press

Note 12: And some really bad news yesterday as the Cook Political Report moved Sen. Jon Tester’s seat to “lean Republican,” leading them to also move control of the Senate to “lean Republican.” Y’all want to make them eat some crow? More: Cook Political

Note 13: Just Dumberthandogshit (JD) Vance says he would be open to privatizing veterans’ care. Isn’t this asshole supposed to be a veteran? More: Military Times

Note 14: This was so funny yesterday. MVP had the whole massive crowd laughing at Trump’s dumb ass and that silly shit about “concepts of a plan.”

Note 15: Trump had a bad day in New York yesterday. The state’s high court refused to remove his gag order, and he lost his attempt to get a federal court to freeze his state criminal proceedings. Sad! More: NPR

Note 16: Yiiiiiikes. Trump held fundraisers for an actual goddamn Nazi who attacked our Capitol. Even for that asshole, this is some pretty shocking shit. THE DUDE EVEN DRESSES LIKE FREAKING HITLER!!! More: NPR

Note 17: It is tragic what RFK Jr. and Trump’s friends on the North Carolina Supreme Court have done to voters there. Just despicable. Or deplorable even. More: Slate

Note 18: We’re sorry but Marianne Williamson is an absolute idiot. We are not mincing words because that is the truth. Yesterday she came out on twitter to warn about Haitian “voodoo” and tell us we shouldn’t dismiss Trump’s insane, dangerous and racist attacks. Glad we didn’t nominate this trash. More: The Independent

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you the Tay Tay Effect. No wonder Republicans hate her so much. More: CNN

Note 20: And on that amazing note, let’s go do some news! We’re sorry we didn’t get to ask more questions of that lump of chickenshit, but apparently he had to get to Arizona. We’ll try again if he ever stops being afraid of his own shadow. What a wimp. Love y’all!

Make it stop
Despite being busted for lying about Haitian migrants eating pets and geese in Springfield, Ohio and despite a bomb threat and evacuation to the City Hall and an elementary school there, Donald Trump continued to wage his terror campaign against the midwestern town during a rally in Arizona Thursday. It’s a lie that has been repeatedly debunked and Trump and Vance and their gross friends don’t care. If he gets someone killed, will the press call him out or will they act like he had nothing to do with it like they did after the El Paso massacre? Sadly, we think we know the answer. Leave those people alone! More: BBC, NPR, Garcia Reports

Let’s fucking go!!!!
Yesterday MVP packed the freaking house — twice — in North Carolina. Harris packed the largest arena in the state, bringing in more than 22,000 cheering people to scare the shit out of Trump. Tonight, she’s in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. People are fired up, y’all. And you don’t have to take the crowd’s word for it. In the first 24 hours after Tuesday night’s debate, the Harris-Walz campaign raised $47 million from 600,000 people. To put that in perspective, when Obama shocked the world with his record-breaking first quarter back in 2007, he raised $20 million. In three months. NBC News, CNBC

So freaking gross
We’re all wondering it — has Trump found a new Eva Braun? The orange menace has been inseparable from Laura Loomer, the disgusting racist pig who even this morning was spreading more 9/11 conspiracy theories despite being Trump’s guest at Ground Zero on Wednesday. How bad is it? Even Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lindsey Graham are calling Trump out. Loomer responded by telling Lindsey he should come out of the closet. Trump has always had horrible and horribly crazy people around him, but Loomer is a new low. Well, other than Trump himself. More: NBC News

Today’s clips
The day after the presidential debate at which former President Donald Trump spread a false story about Haitian immigrants eating pets in Springfield, Ohio, Christopher Pohlhaus, leader of the national neo-Nazi group Blood Tribe, took to his Telegram channel to take credit. More: NBC News

Two abortion-related ballot measures will appear in front of Nebraska voters in November.

The state Supreme Court ruled on Friday morning that Nebraskans will be able to cast votes on both measures, one in favor of abortion rights and one against. The abortion rights ballot measure asks voters if they would like to enshrine abortion access until fetal viability, or somewhere around 22 to 24 weeks of pregnancy, into the state constitution. The measure opposed to abortion rights seeks to codify the state’s current 12-week abortion ban. More: Huff Post

A judge on Thursday threw out three charges in the sweeping Georgia election subversion case, including two charges that former President Donald Trump faces. More: CNN