Trump is still a felon

Today’s Big Stuff. December 17, 2024.

It’s Tuesday. There are 685 days until the midterm elections. Trump is still a felon, that disarray thing is true at the moment and the brain worm guy tries to BS the Senate.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Please don’t tell Santa.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We knew shit was gonna be dark and scary and violent with Trump back on the scene, but somehow we always manage to underestimate how fucking stupid everything is too. Just look at this dumb shit… More: Bluesky

Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. So fucking stupid it hurts. And kills. Once they’ve brought back polio and measles, eradicated women’s rights and burnt the social safety net to the ground, there will only be one thing left to do — get rid of indoor plumbing. Yeah, because you can’t really bring back some serious plague-level killing diseases unless you’ve got rivers of piss and shit flowing through the streets of America. So yes, we believe these idiots will come after indoor plumbing next. Tuck your pants into your socks.

Is it really that hard to imagine Elon Leon and Joe Rogan selling Real Man Outhouses and other stupid shit like that? Can’t you easily picture Trump giving a thumbs up and a fist pump while he takes a crap on the South Lawn (even if you probably shouldn’t)? God this started out as a joke and now we’re realizing this is probably gonna happen before the summer. Get ready to say goodbye to your toilets, America. We’re pooping in the streets! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Hey if you have any friends who are cool like you and think fascism sucks butt then please let them know about our fucked up little newsletter. You can even call it a holiday gift of some sort. There’s strength — and comfort — in numbers. Y’all are the freaking best, and we love you. Ho-Ho-Ho.

Note three: Trump is suing the Des Moines Register over the Selzer poll being wrong. Seems like a pretty serious assault on free speech to us. It also seems to goddamn dumb to be real. You really have to congratulate ABC for encouraging this crap. More: CNN

Note four: We’d like to draw your attention to these parting words from Adeel Mangi, one of Biden’s judicial nominations and a man who was subjected to grotesque and racist smears during his unsuccessful confirmation battle. The way this man was treated by people in both parties was pretty damn disgraceful, and he deserves this righteous tee off. More: Huff Post

Note five: It was another bloody Monday in America yesterday. This quote from the sheriff in Wisconsin where the latest school shooting went down pretty much says it all…

Note six: We want to shout out Rep. Robert Garcia who was calling out the brain worm guy’s lunacy from the House floor yesterday. This is the energy we’re looking for. Bluesky

Note seven: This is a great look at hypocritical shitbags like Sen. Tommy Tuberville who voted against Biden’s nominees but now think Trump’s gang of freaks should sail through. More: NOTUS

Note eight: The good news is that RFK Jr’s daughter-in-law won’t be the new Number Two over at the CIA. The bad news is whoever gets the job will be just as fucking crazy. More: Mediaite

Note nine: Trump is talking about pardoning Eric Adams. So all that kissing ass worked. More: CNBC

Note 10: We have to confess that we’re a little surprised by just how much we hate Maye Musk. She’s definitely got a coat made out of Dalmatians, right? More: Bluesky

Note 11: It sucks that these federal judges are having to cancel their retirements to stop Trump from filling their seats, but we sure do appreciate it. More: CNN

Note 12: Here’s some good news. Some crazy city council fuckers in Texas green lit a bounty on trans people in bathrooms, and then they lost their elections. Color us pleasantly surprised. More: Advocate

Note 13: This is so funny. Republican congresswoman and all-around human garbage Victoria Spartz is quitting the Republican Party but not quitting the Republican Party. Nobody can seem to figure out what she’s doing, but with a slim GOP majority it sure is fun to watch. More: Mediaite

Note 14: We’re not gonna link to the right-wing stories praising it, but ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith is now saying that Jan. 6 was an inside job. So fuck that guy. NO GODDAMN LINK

Note 15: We’re sorry, New Jersey, but this was pretty damn funny… More: Bluesky

Note 16: We had missed this deeply upsetting story last week, but Texas asshole Ken Paxton is suing a New York abortion provider. This is the shit we all warned about. More: 19th News

Note 17: We’re so grateful to the members of Congress who have been focused on making the bald eagle the national bird. We’re kidding. Can you imagine giving a rat’s ass about this while democracy is dying? More: USA Today

Note 18: There are rumors that Trump is looking at Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz to lead FEMA. Seems like a trick to get Jared out of Congress, but given the way the congressman has warmed up to Elon’s DOGE bullshit, we’re not sure what’s happening. Say it ain’t so, Jared. More: Sun-Sentinel

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re happy to report that we are declining the role of Washington Post newsroom leader. While it’s true that no one has asked us to do it, we just thought we’d join the other people rejecting the job because they don’t want to turn a once-proud paper into a pathetic ass-kissing machine… More: Bluesky=

Note 20: And on that less than happy note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a great start. We also hope none of y’all catch anything from Marjorie Taylor Greene. We hear she poops in the shower. Love y’all!

Still a felon!
We’re sure it will get overturned because everything sucks, but for now Donald Trump is still the first felon to become president. Or at least the first convicted felon. Yesterday Judge Juan Merchan ruled that Trump is not immune from the shit he did in the hush money case, so the 34 guilty counts still stand. We don’t know why we take some measure of satisfaction from this, but we do and it’s gonna suck when some corrupt judge or governor lets Trump off the hook. More: CNN

C’mon, y’all
For the last few years, Democrats have really done a great job of putting our differences aside to focus on the existential threat that is Trumpism. But that is looking a little shaky right now. Today AOC is trying to win a caucus-wide vote to be ranking member on the House Oversight Committee. But yesterday she lost the Steering Committee vote to Rep. Jerry Connolly. It seems to us this is time for a youth movement and some new communicators, and we’re not sure where some of this division is coming from. Hopefully it gets worked out fast. We can’t afford to be divided. More: NBC News

Nice try
It’s becoming obvious that the brain worm asshole’s views on vaccines are too batshit crazy for even Republican senators, and those guys eat batshit for breakfast. But after Mitch McConnell’s warning about RFK Jr.’s lunatic views on vaccines, Brain worm Bobby is singing a new tune, telling reporters on Capitol Hill yesterday that he is “all for” the polio vaccine. He did not mention any other vaccines, and he’s obviously full of shit. But it will be enough for McConnell and the other wimps to go along with it and then RFK can go back to being pro-polio. More: CNN

Today’s clips
With weeks to go before President-elect Donald Trump takes office, the Biden administration is still taking steps to deliver sweeping student loan forgiveness to millions of Americans. More: NBC News

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau faced the biggest test of his political career after Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland, long one of his most powerful and loyal ministers, resigned from the Cabinet on Monday. More: Huff Post

A senior Russian general was killed Tuesday by a bomb hidden in a scooter outside his apartment building in Moscow, a day after Ukraine’s security service leveled criminal charges against him. A Ukrainian official said the service carried out the attack. More: Huff Post

A former FBI informant pleaded guilty Monday to providing false information to federal authorities about Joe Biden and his son Hunter Biden months before the 2020 presidential election. More: NBC News