Trump gets back to screwing consumers

It’s Monday. There are 631 days until the midterm elections. Goodbye to American research institutions, Trump gets back to screwing consumers and hello, constitutional crisis.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity like it bet on the Chiefs and the intelligence of the American people.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Did you watch the big game? We have to admit we did. As much as we recoil at the orangeness on our screen and the idea that grown men are killing themselves for our entertainment, we are still neanderthals who love our football. And while the game was fun, it was Kendrick Lamar and his death blow to rap rival Drake that really inspired us last night…

WOP WOP WOP WOP! Git his ass. Or get THEIR ass. For those who don’t know, Kendrick found himself in a rap battle with Drake last year and then he destroyed Drake in that battle to the point that Drake needs to move to his own island except he can’t because then Kendrick would just rhyme violin with Epstein’s island or something. We love us some Kendrick, and we’ve enjoyed watching his thorough and catchy decimation of Drake. But watching him marry that all-time enemy vaporization with a powerful and beautiful protest of some of America’s worst sins (and sinners?), we were again moved to another level by this brilliant musician. We are inspired… to up our hater game. That’s right. We’re exchanging our friendly love vibe for some pure hate and we’re focusing it like a fucking laser on that miserable mutated monkey scrotum in the Oval Office and any dumbshit dingus who’s still talking about bipartisanship. That shit is out. It’s time to hate.

Next month will mark six years since we launched this cussing newsletter to cuss out Trump and his gang of merry assholes. And while we feel good about the amount of cussing we’ve directed at that fucking piece of shit, we realize now that we can do more. Because we really and truly hate that motherfucker. So thanks for the inspo, K Dot. Let us all hate together. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Despite our renewed efforts at haterism, we can’t condone booing Taylor Swift. Have we no decency left? For shame, America. More: Yahoo News, Huff Post

Note three: Congratulations to Philadelphia fans. Both for winning the Super Bowl and for not being Trump’s team. Both deserve a trophy. More: Forbes

Note four: As our friend Molly Jong-Fast pointed out this morning, there are 32 days until the government runs out of money. If our party bails out Republicans while they’re in the middle of a crime spree, then we might have to find a new party. More: NBC News

Note five: Also, just a quick note to the MAGA kiss-asses in the press — Republicans control the whole fucking government, so it’s on them to keep it open. If you don’t know that, you shouldn’t be a journalist and you sure as shit shouldn’t be hosting Meet the Press.

Note six: If only someone had warned us. Oh right…

Note seven: If you need another reason to love Pulitzer winner Kendrick Lamar, look no further than all the Trump boys who spent last night calling him a DEI halftime show. Gosh. We sure do wonder what they mean by that. More: Huff Post

Note eight: In case you missed it, Trump is shutting down all immigration except for “white South Africans.” Remember when white mainstream reporters pretended they just couldn’t tell if the birther guy is racist or not? More: Independent

Note nine: By the way, a lot of those white South Africans said no thanks. How embarrassing. More: Reuters

Note 10: Want to see what our nightmares looked like last night? This but with more Trump…

Note 11: Elon Leon’s war against USAID is causing serious pain for American farmers. Expect Trump just to bail them out with your money instead of actually having them feed people. The Minnesota Star Tribune

Note 12: Trump buddy Steve Wynn, the guy who allegedly sexually assaulted lots of massage therapists, is asking the Supreme Court to gut press protections that were established during the civil rights era. If this happens, TBS is going underground. Because we ain’t never gonna stop cussing these sick fucks. More: New Republic

Note 13: It’s Monday so there are new tariffs, this time on aluminum and steel. In other words, that drunken monkey has a gun again. More: NPR

Note 14: CBS dropped a poll yesterday showing 66 percent of Americans don’t think Trump is doing enough to bring down prices. The poll also gives him a 53 percent approval rating. So maybe we’re just a dumb country. And maybe Democrats shouldn’t have wasted weeks pledging to work with a fascist. More: CBS

Note 15: This made us laugh because right-winger Harrison Butker sucks butt…

Note 16: This NPR story is actually called “Why many Republicans think shrinking Medicaid will make it better.” We honestly don’t know how fucking dumb you have to be to fall for that spin, but we’d say pretty goddamn dumb. Oh and Republicans are coming for Medicaid. More: NPR

Note 17: Tom Brady and Snoop Dogg want us to stop hating? Well we want them to stop kissing Trump ass and people in hell want ice water. More: Huff Post

Note 18: Trump made himself chairman of the Kennedy Center. So yeah, he’s super busy making those prices lower. And get ready for Roseanne Gets Drunk and Shits Herself at the Kennedy Center. We hear it’s actually pretty good. More: Associated Press

Note 19: Ok one more Super Bowl note for today’s Happy Ending. Patrick Mahomes’s family loves Trump. And he loves them too. They even posed for pictures while Mahomes was throwing interceptions, getting sacked and losing. LOLOL!!!

Note 20: And on that delicious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a super weekend. And we hope you’re ready to crank that hate machine up to 11. Trump and his ilk deserve it. Love y’all!

What about the football teams?
Just like in Hungary, right-wing freaks here are going after the universities. Late last week, Elon Leon and his wrecking ball of pre-teen virgin Hitler youths decided to take an axe to NIH research grants, accusing scientists, doctors and grad students of ripping off the country by receiving a meager salary while trying to cure cancer. Places ranging from Johns Hopkins to the University of Alabama were shocked to see just how much they’re about to lose from Team Trump’s arbitrary cutting. Trump and Leon want Americans to be dumb and uneducated. They’re off to a good start. More: Stat News

CFPBye
After the 2008 global financial crisis was caused by reckless bankers, Elizabeth Warren and President Obama created the Consumer Federal Protection Bureau to keep an eye on the banks and to stop corporate American from ripping off consumers. The bureau has been a success, returning billions of dollars to scammed Americans. So of course Trump and his new OMB chief Russel Vought have made it a priority to shut it down. This is yet another tragedy for this country and a victory for the soulless billionaires who want to own us. More: NBC News

Uh-oh
A federal judge put a great big hold on Trump/Elon Leon efforts to control Treasury payments, and Jiggly Dudeboobies (JD) Vance thinks we should abandon the Constitution over it. This weekend, Vance said a judge has no right to tell the executive branch what to do, proving once again that Vance spent all his time at Yale law school fucking couches when he should have been studying. But this is what we’ve been waiting for — the Trump administration to declare the judiciary has no power over them and the constitutional crisis that follows. Sucks to lose our country to a pud like Vance. More: Independent

Today’s clips
President Donald Trump says he has directed the Treasury Department to stop minting new pennies, citing the rising cost of producing the one-cent coin. More: Associated Press

A third federal judge on Monday blocked President Donald Trump’s executive order ending birthright citizenship for the children of people who are in the U.S. illegally. More: Huff Post

Critics are giving Matt Gaetz a lesson in recent music history, after the former Republican congressman from Florida tweeted about Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show. More: Huff Post

Two winter storms will bring snow, freezing rain and Arctic cold in a one-two punch to parts of the United States this week. More: NBC News

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