Trump defends his terrorism

Today’s Big Stuff. September 14, 2024. Weekend Edition.

It’s Saturday. There are 52 days until the general election. Trump defends his terrorism, a North Carolina Republican nutjob endorses an abortion ban and we think Trump is having an affair with an evil goblin. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it ain’t having an affair with a racist piece of trash. 

Note: Happy weekend, SPs! And the pope sucks! Whoa! TBS, what are you thinking and why are you guys so good-looking?! Well first of all, thank you for the compliment. And second of all, this is what we’re thinking…

Grrrrrr. The pope is both-sidesing this shit?! Who does he think he is? The New York Times? There ain’t nothing evil about wanting to restore and protect women’s basic human rights. Oh and the person she’s running against might be the actual goddamn devil. To get to the bottom of this, we called up a good friend…

TBS: Are you there, God? It’s us, TBS.

God: Hey boys. Great newsletters this week. I see you’re causing trouble.

TBS: Yes ma’am. We just can’t help ourselves. So do you agree with the pope’s criticism of Kamala Harris?

God: Nah, that’s some bullshit. He doesn’t speak for me, despite what you’ve heard. 

TBS: That’s what we figured. So are you endorsing?

God: I usually stay out of this stuff so I can focus on helping football players score touchdowns, but I’m making an exception and endorsing Kamala. 

TBS: That’s awesome!

God: Yeah, Trump can kiss my glorious heavenly ass. 

TBS: Well said, ma’am. Have a lovely day. 

Welp there you have it. We don’t know who the pope is getting his political advice from, but it ain’t God. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: John Legend is a Springfield, Ohio native and he is speaking up to defend his hometown. Seems like the state’s U.S. Senator should be doing the same thing. More: CBS News

Note three: Remember how Trump made a damn fool of himself at the National Association of Black Journalists? And remember how they kinda messed with MVP because she couldn’t be there in person? Well she’s speaking to the group on Tuesday in Philly. We bet she does better than Trump did. More: The Hill

Note four: North Carolina’s absentee ballots are finally going out on Sept. 21. They were supposed to go out on Sept. 6, but Brainworm Bobby’s bullshit delayed everything by two weeks and cost the state hundreds of thousands of dollars to reprint the ballots. What an asshole. More: ABC News

Note five: How freaking much do we love Dougie Fresh?

Note six: One of Trump’s former attorneys is asking the Supreme Court to put Jill Stein back on the ballot in Nevada. It sounds totally legit. More: CNN

Note seven: There is another story out of Springfield, Ohio we haven’t talked about in this newsletter, and that’s our mistake. These parents of a little boy who was killed in a bus crash caused by a Haitian immigrant have been begging Trump and Vance to stop using their son’s death to spread their hateful garbage. More: ABC News

Note eight: Happy birthday to Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson! It’s also Ron DeSantis’s birthday, but he can eat a big bowl of shit. 

Note nine: Martha Stewart is endorsing MVP. Maybe she can get her buddy Snoop to do the same. More: Independent

Note 10: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you Kamala Harris showing Trump that we’re done with his bullshit. They should hang this video in the Louvre. Watch the below on twitter here.

Lock his ass up
Donald Trump doesn’t seem to mind being a terrorist asshole whose lies led to bomb threats and evacuations at Ohio elementary schools this week. When asked why he is still spreading that bullshit, Trump said “the real threat is what’s happening at our border.” Yeah, so that’s pretty fucking sick. It really is terrifying and disgusting that this deranged shithead doesn’t care if he gets kids killed. More: CBS News

So dumb
North Carolina’s Republican Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson ain’t doing so good in his run for governor. Probably because he says lots of dumb and evil shit like wishing that women couldn’t vote. Well yesterday his dumbass said he would sign a six-week abortion ban in the state. Keep talking, buddy. We want everyone in North Carolina to hear you. More: WSOCTV

So…
Yeah, it sure seems like Trump is having an affair with a trashy racist idiot who eats dog food. Sounds like just his type. While Melania puts out stupid videos about the FBI searching her bedroom and tries to sell her stupid book, Trump appears to have moved on. When reporters asked about Laura Loomer yesterday, Trump was clearly rattled, describing her as a “supporter” and a “free spirit.” Later he put out a statement saying she’s not officially with the campaign. Hmmmm. Then why is she on the plane? Even Matt Drudge and Bill Maher are calling this shit out. Loomer denied the affair and threatened to sue Maher. Wanna bet she doesn’t? It’s important to remember that even if it turns out that Trump isn’t fucking Loomer, he definitely wants to fuck the rest of us so we probably shouldn’t make him president again. More: CNN, The Daily Beast

Today’s clips
The woman behind an early Facebook post spreading a harmful and baseless claim about Haitian immigrants eating local pets that helped thrust a small Ohio city into the national spotlight says she had no firsthand knowledge of any such incident and is now filled with regret and fear as a result of the ensuing fallout. More: NBC News

Where did the money go?
The right-wing social media stars who were allegedly paid millions of dollars in a nefarious Russian influence operation to shape public opinion around the 2024 US presidential election are remaining mum. More: CNN

Donald Trump angered at least some New Yorkers on Wednesday, Sept. 11, when he brought far-right 9/11 conspiracy theorist Laura Loomer to an event commemorating the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks. More: Huff Post