Trump broke the U.S.

It’s Wednesday. There are 643 days until the midterm elections. Trump broke the U.S., Elon Leon is twittering America and a shot of hope from Iowa.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And goddamnit do we need it these days.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! How are thee today? Wondering why we’re talking like this. Yeah, we are too. What can we say? Shit is getting weird and we are too. But good weird. Not like this twisted motherfucker…

Jesus. Even for a Trump guy, this twisted fucker is a real piece of shit. So um can we please not put this lunatic asshole in charge of our health? We’ve seen his family’s pleas not to confirm him, and we’ve seen the deranged idiots who love him. But we went right to the source for why RFK Jr. should not be confirmed. Here now is an interview with Larry the RFK Brain Worm…

TBS: Hey Larry!

Larry the RFK Brain Worm: Hey guys! Big fan! Love the newsletter!

TBS: Aww thanks, brain worm. So should the Senate confirm RFK to be HHS secretary?

Larry: Oh god no! You have no idea what horrible and disturbing shit I saw in his brain. He has weird dreams about having sex with falcons!

TBS: What?!

Larry: Yeah! And that’s nothing compared to the awful shit he’s actually said and done his whole miserable fucking life! Being addicted to heroin was the most honorable thing he’s ever done!

TBS: Ok so you don’t think he should be in the cabinet?

Larry: I am begging Americans to call their senators and stop this freak from getting any power at all. But I also begged them to vote for Kamala, so what the fuck do I know?

TBS: We hear you, brain worm. We hear you.

Here’s the number to the U.S. Senate — 202-224-3121. Call your senator and tell them to vote Fuck No on the brain worm junkie guy. Or just go ahead and flush what’s left of this country down the shitter. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If you’re a federal employee, do not fall for this Elon Leon bullshit fake offer for a buyout. And sure as hell don’t say yes when they offer to sell you a bridge and/or monorail. More: CNBC

Note three: Ruben Gallego went on Fox News this morning to make excuses for the chaos Trump unleashed on America yesterday and calling for bipartisanship. Can someone tell us why the fuck Arizona senators enjoy selling us out so much? NO LINK

Note four: Yesterday was a “five-alarm fire” moment for American democracy, and a fucking independent seemed to be leading the response. Chuck Schumer was so mad that he went and voted for a former Real World guy to be secretary of transportation. We need better. We deserve better. And we are out of patience. Resist fascism or get the fuck out of the way. More: HuffPost

Note five: We are so goddamned embarrassed for the New York Times. They should change their motto to All the Asses Fit to Kiss.

Note six: Btw, Marjorie Taylor Greene’s boyfriend played reporter at the first White House briefing yesterday. The worst part is that he was hard to tell apart from the other buttlicks in the room. More: Yahoo

Note seven: Nicole Shanahan, the billionaire trash who was RFK’s running mate, is now threatening senators if they don’t vote for him. Anyone else sick and fucking tired of billionaires thinking they get to make all the rules? More: The Hill

Note eight: The guy who is up to run the White House Office of Management and Budget so he can finish implementing Project 2025 told the Senate the 2020 election “was rigged.” So he’ll probably get 10 Democratic votes. More: The Hill

Note nine: What Trump and Republicans are doing to trans kids is pure goddamn evil. Maybe we should be the party that stands up to bullies instead of helping them bully. More: AP News

Note 10: This fella makes a good point…

Note 11: Pete Hegseth is going after Gen. Milley. He must think Milley is a type of liquor. More: NBC

Note 12: It took about a week, but Trump’s approval numbers are starting to look like shit again. If we were involved in politics — and we are — we might think it’s a good idea to drive these numbers down even further instead of going on Fox News and kissing orange ass. More: Reuters

Note 13: Denmark isn’t just going to roll over for Trump. They’re trying to rally Europe to get their back, and France seems onboard. We’re rooting for them. More: Bloomberg

Note 14: What’s crazier? That people are talking about California leaving the union or that it seems like a really good idea? More: USA Today

Note 15: We’re still super pissed that CNN pushed Jim Acosta out, but we were thrilled to see him launch his own gig so that he can continue speaking truth to power. We also loved this sick burn…

Note 16: Y’all, we really have to defeat Wisconsin Supreme Court candidate Brad Schimel. He literally called for “bloody revolution” against the socialists and “the Obamas.” Fuck him. More: Heartland Signal

Note 17: Snoop Dogg appeared to respond to people criticizing him for becoming a Trump bitch. As far as we’re concerned, Snoop died after the Paris Olympics. More: The Hill

Note 18: Republicans are actually trying to bring back segregation. We’d say we’re shocked, but we’ve been listening to what they say for years. More: Inside Higher Ed

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’d like to single out Public Enemy’s Flavor Flav for continuing to be wonderful and getting Selena Gomez’s back yesterday. In a world of Snoops, be a Flavor Flav.

Note 20: And on that supportive note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. And we really hope that fucking brain worm shithead has a terrible day. Love y’all!

Chaos 2.0

Trump did Trumpy shit and broke the damn government. The nation was plunged into chaos yesterday as Trump’s bullshit spending freeze caused panic and uncertainty in just about every facet of American life as Medicaid portals were shut down, Head Start was unfunded and students wondered if their student loans were gone. Oh and eggs still cost a shitload. This was a disaster for Republicans, and they doubled down on it. We’re happy to see some opposition forming, but we need more. The White House knew how bad it was as they started walking it back throughout the day, even lying that the Medicaid freeze was just an accident that had nothing to do with Trump’s power grab. And that’s a lie only Republicans and the New York Times would buy.

More: CNBC

Don’t X America

Wired is reporting that Elon Leon is running the U.S. government the exact same way he ran Twitter. And goddamn is that some bad news. Yeah, apparently Elon Leon even brought over some kid who just graduated high school to help him wreck shit. It’s important to remember that Twitter lost millions of users and billions of dollars and also the United States government isn’t goddamn Twitter. As terrifying as all of this is, we have to say we’re excited to see it blow up in their faces. Assuming it does, of course.

More: Wired, Wired

Hell yeah!

Reports of the death of the Democratic Party have been greatly exaggerated. Or at least partially exaggerated. Bottom line: We ain’t dead yet. Last night, Democrat Dave Zimmer won a special election for a state senate seat in Iowa. He won it in a district Trump carried by 21 points. If you needed a reason to believe we can still push back the darkness, this is a damn good start. Keep showing up. Keep fighting.

More: Des Moines Register

Today’s clips

In a letter Tuesday urging the Senate to reject Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s nomination for health and human services secretary, Caroline Kennedy referred to her cousin as a "predator." More: NBC

The Trump administration has dialed back its sweeping, sudden freeze on international aid, issuing a new order stipulating that operations providing lifesaving medical care and serving other humanitarian purposes can continue. More: HuffPost

Senate Republicans on Tuesday blocked a symbolic resolution condemning President Donald Trump’s pardons for rioters who attacked police on Jan. 6, 2021. More: HuffPost