Travels with Natalie
It’s Monday. There are 78 days until the midterm elections. E. Jean beats Trump again, the president loses the Korean War and so much for supporting the troops.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And Stephen A. Smith sucks ass.
Note: Sexy Patriots! We missed y’all so much, and we are filled with gratitude to be back with you today. Seriously, we’ve got gratitude coming out of our ears and asses. And that’s why we’re starting today with something positive instead of again warning about the spreading virus known as Fetterhea (Fetterpes? You know, hating your own party like you’re John Fetterman). And besides, this shit is too good to wait…
OH DAMN! JON OSSOFF FROM THE TOP MOTHERFUCKING ROPE!!! If you don’t know who Natalie Harp is, you are damn lucky and probably better adjusted than the rest of us. She’s the “human printer” who is rumored to be auditioning to be the new Melania and has a Mia-Farrow-in-The-Omen-like love for the grossest sonofabitch on the planet. Until yesterday, it was all whispers and social media conjecture. And then Jon “The Flamethrower” Ossoff tossed a metaphorical molotov cocktail right between the Trumps’ separate bedrooms.
All we can say is a-men, hallelujah and fuck yeah! Because we’ve got these assholes on the run and there are still way too many Democrats hating on each other and fearing their own fucking shadows. Enough! For the next 78 days, it’s all offense all the time until Trump runs off with Natalie and we never see either of their miserable asses ever again. Thanks for showing us the way, Jonny. Let’s fucking go. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We saw actual Democrats using Laura Loomer to attack other Democrats last week. Are we fucking serious? Are we just allergic to winning? Knock it the fuck off!
NO GODDAMN LINK
Note three: Remember Trump’s bullshit MOU with Iran that the mainstream media took seriously for some reason? Well it expires today, and the president is now threatening to bomb Oman. Doing great, honey! More: CNBC
Note four: Stephen A. Smith, ESPN”s fuck-you to America, was awarded the Thumbs Down Award by the National Association of Black Journalists this weekend for always being a piece of shit to Black women. He’s not taking it well. More: HuffPost
Note five: It seems our national media are more comfortable with nazis than Muslims. That’s pretty messed up, y’all…
Note six: RIP to actor Hayden Panettiere. She was only 35. We loved her in Remember the Titans, but man this child actor stuff doesn’t usually turn out great. More: HuffPost
Note seven: Meet the Press is just Bill Cassidy now, which is to say they both got rolled by Todd Blanche’s corrupt ass. More: HuffPost
Note eight: Speaking of Cassidy, what a fucking loser. More: HuffPost
Note nine: Kyrsten Sinema first had sex with her bodyguard at a CNN host’s wedding. Maybe someone actually should drain the fucking swamp. More: HuffPost
Note 10: We take a lot of shit for defending Hakeem Jeffries. Probably because of interviews like this. There are plenty of Republicans to spread Republican talking points on Meet the Press. Can we please stop helping them?
Note 11: We officially have our 2028 calendar. Democrats will be starting with South Carolina and then heading to Nevada. More: NBC News
Note 12: More than 50 Trump appointees are worth more than $100 million. Working people who vote for this kind of shit are suckers. More: AP
Note 13: Before we went with Jon Ossoff for the intro, we were gonna do an interview with George Washington where he talked about how fucking crazy this is and how much Trump smells like rotting ass.
Note 14: Sam went to see Point Break in the theaters last night. We realized later that part of the reason America is hurting is because we never properly mourned the loss of Patrick Swayze.
Note 15: Canada wants to throw the U.S. ambassador out. Do you know how much of an asshole you have to be to get kicked out of Canada? More: Yahoo News
Note 16: We’re almost done with the primaries, y’all. We’ve got Florida tomorrow. Can we please not kill each other after it’s over? More: Florida Today, The Intercept
Note 17: Please don’t judge us for laughing our asses off at this.
Note 18: We now know for certain that Trump tried to hurt the people of Colorado over Tina Peters. And Jared Polis rewarded that mafia behavior by doing what Trump wanted. We’re definitely gonna need to impeach this motherfucker. More: Colorado Pols
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well it’s an ending but there’s nothing happy about it. WHAT IS TRUMP SMUGGLING IN HIS PANTIES?! That ain’t just junk in the trunk. That’s the whole junkyard!
Note 20: And on that bootylicious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had the most amazing weekend and didn’t get called out big time for being a sleazebag piece of shit. Love y’all!
So Much Winning
E. Jean beat Trump this morning. Again. Trump’s rigged Supreme Court once again refused to take up Trump’s appeal of the $5 million verdict against him in E. Jean’s defamation case against the man who sexually abused her. Carroll already has the money, and this was Trump’s pathetic attempt to claw it back. What’s crazy is that the most accessible president in history has not been asked one single question about this. Do you think Obama or Biden would get the same pass from the media? It’s hard to say because neither of them are rapist pieces of shit.
More: CNBC
Surrender
It took about 75 years, but Donald Trump managed to officially lose the Korean War. In a rambling and idiotic social media post Sunday night, Trump announced that he’s asking Hegseth to scale back the annual military exercises we do with our South Korean allies. Trump cited his good personal relationship with Kim Jong Un, which never stops being fucking crazy. We are so sorry to our South Korean friends for this disgusting betrayal. The world should know now that the United States of America cannot be trusted or counted on. And that really sucks.
More: AP
Support the Trumps!
Remember when it used to be support the troops? Well we’re apparently not doing that anymore. After reports emerged last week that sailors aboard the USS Lincoln were trying to harm themselves amid horrid conditions after a record-long deployment, Trump came out and said they’re fine and haven’t served long enough. Hegseth essentially called the sailors’ families liars. And social media was filled with right-wingers attacking our sailors as wimps. Our advice to young people everywhere is DO NOT enlist these days. Our military is being led by dumbfucks who don’t care if you live or die.
Today’s clips
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump on Sunday said vandals are to blame for large swaths of dead grass on the National Mall near the World War II Memorial — in the same spot where Trump had a stage built and hosted crowds for his July 4 celebration. More: AP
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Tupac Shakur fans arrived at a Las Vegas courthouse Monday for opening statements in the trial of a man accused of orchestrating the legendary rapper’s killing, the start of weeks of testimony revisiting what happened on a Las Vegas night nearly 30 years ago. More: AP
A Russian court on Monday convicted a prominent opposition politician for speaking out against the war in Ukraine and sentenced him to 11 years and one month in prison in the latest crackdown leading up to next month’s parliamentary election. More: AP
Ukraine launched hundreds of drones across Russia on Sunday, killing at least six people in one of Kyiv’s largest aerial attacks of the war. More: AP
JERUSALEM (AP) — An extremist Israeli lawmaker in Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s coalition publicly advocated for killing “30 to 40” people in Gaza each night, comments that surfaced Sunday and were quickly shared by Palestinian media. More: AP
Lame-duck Rep. Nancy Mace (R-S.C.) has been getting lots of ink ― but not for any political success. More: HuffPost
Fox News anchor Joey Jones unloaded on sailors aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln for complaining about the ever-deteriorating conditions aboard the aircraft carrier deployed to the Middle East since late last year. More: HuffPost
Not only are we (Canadians), petitioning to have US Ambassador Hoekstra kicked out, there is also a petition to ban Nazi Barbie Kristi Noem from being in Canada, working for the US mining company NovaRed (based on the west coast). They are hiring her, for whatever weird reason, and we're not having it! Since we became vocal about her, the company shares have taken a nose dive on the markets. There is NO ROOM for fascists in Canada!!!!!!
US Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra is an agent provacatuer. His undiplomatic ways of speaking about Canada is beneath his title. Another millionaire who has no merit being in his position - just as most of the Trump appointees. He probably will not be expelled but the symbolism is clear - Get the scumbag out. And for all you Canadian media outlets stop giving him airtime. Nothing ' positive on Canada ever comes out of his mouth. Another lower level Trump Mafioso.