Today’s Big Stuff 8.5.24 | VEEPSTAKES WEEK Y'ALL

It’s Monday. There are 92 days until the general election. Trump sure loves him some Putin, a Supreme Court justice threatens the president and it’s Veep week, y’all!

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter. It cusses for democracy. It cusses for freedom. It cusses for you. 

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re gonna have to start this week off with an apology. We pride ourselves on bringing you serious news and all kinds of weird shit. In fact, the two usually overlap. But a story popped over the weekend that is just too fucking weird even for us and we are all full up. Y’all might have heard something about RFK Jr and a dead bear cub and Central Park. We must confess — we don’t know anything other than that and what we saw in some tweets because we just can’t…

Full Video posted by RFK Jr.:

Sigh. We couldn’t even watch it. Life is just too damn short. (Okay maybe Adam did…) We don’t know what he killed or how he desecrated its corpse, and frankly we don’t wanna know. Here’s a question — how are you gonna be in a race with Donald Trump and still somehow be the worst goddamn person in the race?! How?! There are just too many bizarre and dangerous threats right now to deal with this chainsaw-juggling blood-stained clown suit too. 

So sorry, y’all, but we just can’t with RFK Jr.’s fucked up shit. We’re pacing ourselves for cruel grotesque bad weirdness for the next three months and we just ain’t got time for his strange brand of dumbass evil. And judging by the polling we’ve seen, the rest of America and humanity agrees with us. Y’all have a blessed day. 

Note two: Here’s a palate cleanser. It’s a story about one of the greatest men in the world hoping to live to be 100 years old and vote for Vice President Harris. Sending love, well wishes and Allman Brothers’ songs to President Jimmy Carter. More: CNN

Note three: And just for fun here’s the Allmans’ Jessica…

Note four: This newsletter doesn’t care about Doug Emhoff’s first marriage. Sorry. Families are messy. People are flawed. Trump is Satan. Let’s focus on the actual bad people here, shall we?

Note five: Adam joined YouTube and has some new videos! Check them out and subscribe! More: YouTube

Note six: We are the opposite of Nate Silver fans, but we thought you’d want to see this…

Note seven: It looks like the Michigan Secretary of State’s office is taking a closer look at that Elon Musk voter data thing that looked all shady. Good. It takes guts to take that guy on. Guts and a willingness to put up with endless goddamn whining. More: CNBC

Note eight: Congressman Byron Donalds had a rough Sunday as he tried to defend Trump’s attacks on VP Harris’s racial identity. The Republican Party is a hateful mess, y’all. More: Huff Post

Note nine: Trump spent the weekend in Georgia telling popular local Republicans to eat shit. Doesn’t seem like smart politics to us. Or normal human behavior. Maybe the press should be screaming about him stepping down. More: Associated Press

Note 10: Some good news this weekend as Judge Tanya Chutkan is ready to roll after all that SCOTUS crap and she has already dismissed Trump’s efforts to get the case thrown out and set a hearing for Aug. 16. America is about to be reminded yet again that one of its presidential candidates is a criminal. More: ABC News

Note 11: TRIGGER WARNING — EXTREME MAGA GROSSNESS AHEAD…

Note 12: Republicans for Harris launched over the weekend, and it’s nice to know there are like a dozen Republicans who think it’s bad to attack the U.S. Capitol. More: Huff Post

Note 13: As you watch the Dow drop this morning, please don’t panic. Just remember that a Trump appointee is the chairman of the Federal Reserve, and he has dragged his feet on interest rate cuts and quite possibly fucked up our economic resurgence. Thanks, Jerome! More: NBC News

Note 14: Also, Americans shouldn’t vote for people who are rooting for the economy to crash. 

Note 15: What people did to boxer Imane Khelif last week was just evil. Here’s a tip — if Elon Musk is attacking someone, then you probably want to go the other way. More: Associated Press

Note 16: We spent weeks calling Jokester Douchebro (JD) Vance as weird, and now his plan is to stalk VP Harris all week. We’re not even kidding. Their campaign is sending him to the various swing states to follow her and her running mate around. So weird.

Note 17: The Associated Press reminds us that Project 2025 is real and really going to happen if Trump wins. More: Associated Press

Note 18: We’re holding off on any Olympics posts so as not to spoil anything but holy shit did y’all see Noah Lyles?! Or this morning’s gymnastics?! We don’t want the Olympics to ever end! More: ESPN

Note 19: Over the weekend, Trump tried to trick news organizations into helping him bully VP Harris into a debate on Fox News after he ran from the scheduled debate like the chickenshit wimp that he is. Most news orgs fell for it. The New York Times had to rewrite its headline three times. They had agreed to a debate and Trump backed out. Now he wants it at a safe space that had to pay $787 million for lying about the election results. More: NBC News

Note 20: For today’s Happy Ending, we thought we’d talk about the Trump campaign getting mad yesterday and putting out a memo accusing the polls of being rigged. We knew the momentum had shifted in our favor, but this must mean we’re really winning. Keep crying, asshole! It’s how we know we’re on the right track. More: Newsweek

Note 21: And on that delicious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a lovely weekend, and we just know you’re as fired up as we are for Veep Week and more kicking orange ass week. Love y’all!

No collusion our ass
We mentioned Trump’s dumb and angry Georgia rally in the notes section, but we saved this part for the news because we think it’s important. Just days after President Biden and Vice President Harris secured the release of Americans being held unjustly in Russian prisons, Donald Trump stood on a stage and thanked Putin for their release. Now there are news organizations and pundits who might say oh that’s just Trump being Trump. Well we say fuck that. This is some treasonous anti-American garbage, and everyone should be calling it out. 

Excuse us?
A Supreme Court Justice gave an interview to Fox News Sunday. That alone — that a sitting United States Supreme Justice sitting for an interview with a disinformation factory that paid a $787 million settlement for lying about a presidential election — should be shocking news and evidence of his political agenda. But then that dirty sonofabitch went and responded to a question about President Biden’s proposed reforms by saying “be careful.” There was more context to be sure, but it still sounds like a veiled threat to us. This court is out of control, and they are taunting us. More: NBC

This is so exciting!
We are on Veep Watch this week, and we should be getting an announcement by tomorrow. We know that over the weekend, VP Harris met with Shapiro, Kelly and Walz, but that’s all we know. We also know that while some folks out there are eager to fight over who the pick is, we trust VP Harris to make the right call for her and for us. We also think it’s been great seeing these last couple weeks just what a deep and impressive bench Democrats have these days. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips
President Joe Biden will convene his national security team on Monday to discuss developments in the Middle East as the region braces for an Iranian retaliation to a series of assassinations blamed on Israel 10 months into the war in the Gaza Strip. More: NBC News

Usha Vance, the wife of Republican vice presidential nominee JD Vance, defended her husband’s previous comments deriding childless adults and downplayed his labeling of some Democratic politicians as “childless cat ladies,” calling it a “quip.” More: CNN