Today’s Big Stuff 7.16.24 | Jack Smith fires back

It’s Tuesday. There are 111 days until the general election. Jack Smith fires back, RFK Jr. meets with his (red) team and Biden goes after high rent .

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it doesn’t kiss the ass of “America’s Hitler.”

Note: Welp it’s official — Trump picked Jellybean Dongface (JD) Vance to be his running mate. We’ve said all along that we will not under any circumstances look up what “JD” stands for, so we’ll just have to continue to guess. Jangly Doorknob? Jackass Diddlepoo? Jockstrap Dingusbutt? We might never know. But one thing we do know that JD stands for is hating women. Like really really really hating women… (twitter)

Asshole. And that’s just the tip of the assberg. He also thinks women in abusive marriages should stay “for the sake of the kids.” He says abortion is “comparable” to slavery. Oh and he says he wouldn’t have certified the 2020 election like Pence did. So yeah, he’s Pence with the same fear/hatred of women but without the backbone. Pretty fucking scary, right?

So what say we get our shit together and stop these freaks from turning our country into their country club? Because if there’s one thing that’s for certain these days, it’s that ain’t nobody coming to save us but us. And frankly we’re grateful for the opportunity to kick Jerkoff Doodiestain’s ass at the ballot box this November. He just seems like such a prick. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We realize that opening note was not very unifying, but neither was all the horrible dumb crap Republicans said at their convention last night. So screw them. It’s a campaign. 

Note three: Joe Biden reached out to the man who was killed at the Trump rally this weekend. Trump did not. ‘Nuff said. More: NY Post

Note four: Marjorie Taylor Greene last night said Trump is a “founding father.” We assume she meant that someday Tiffany hopes to FIND her real FATHER. 

Note five: JD called Trump “America’s Hitler.” We just assumed he meant it as an insult. Our bad. (twitter)

Note six: Elon Musk publicly endorsed Trump after the shooting, and now the Wall Street Journal is reporting that Musk will give Trump’s PAC $45 million a month. This is a big surprise if you don’t know anything at all about Elon Musk or Donald Trump or super rich assholes. More: Axios

Note seven: Colin Allred outraised Ted Cruz last quarter, but Cruz has the cash advantage. Can you imagine how gross it must feel to give Ted Cruz money? More: Texas Tribune

Note eight: Hillbilly Elegy was bullshit.

Note nine: Is anybody else totally disgusted and pissed off to see mainstream media reporters like Lester Holt pretending like the BS attacks from Republicans about Joe Biden’s rhetoric are worth taking seriously? More: Huff Post

Note 10: Want to see what it looks like when a kiss-ass calls out a kiss-ass? (twitter)

Note 11: Last night at the RNC, the person who murdered a puppy spoke not long after the person who stuck her fingers in Kanye’s ass. We really don’t care to unify with any of that. More: Variety

Note 12: Biden gave RFK Jr. Secret Service protection. Based on his fundraising emails, this is all Brainworm Bob ever really wanted. More: Associated Press

Note 13: The Project 2025 people do not feel rejected. We should probably pay attention to that. More: NBC News

Note 14: Border arrests have plunged since Biden changed asylum policy. He’s getting zero credit for it. More: Associated Press

Note 15: We thought about making this the Happy Ending note. Obamacare is saving lives in North Carolina. (twitter)

Note 16: It sure seems suspicious to us that Tucker Carlson, Elon and David Sacks — three Putin punks — pushed so hard for JD to get the number two slot. And it sure don’t seem good for Ukraine or the rest of the free world. More: Axios

Note 17: Let us take a moment to laugh at Elise Stefanik, Tim Scott and Marco Rubio, three butt-kissing toads who gave up the last of their dignity only to be left at the alter by a gameshow host. 

Note 18: Donald Trump suggested that “Second Amendment people” could assassinate Hillary Clinton. Donald Trump’s lawyers argued that a president could send Seal Team 6 to assassinate a president’s political rival. MORE from us: TBS on Substack

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you the sound of Mitch McConnell being booed to hell and back. Sure he’s being booed by human garbage, but it’s still music to our ears. (twitter)

Note 20: And on that delicious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a great start. And we totally understand if it’s not. You know what would make you feel better? Watching JD Vance lose. Love y’all! 

Do it, Jack
We don’t know about y’all, but we are still super pissed that fake “Judge” Aileen Cannon gave her buddy a pass yesterday. So we were somewhat heartened to see Special Counsel Jack Smith’s office announce that they believe Cannon’s ruling “deviates” from normal people rulings and they are going to appeal. But let’s be honest — Trump got the delay he wanted. And if he wins, he will pardon himself and then start selling our national secrets. Also, Aileen Cannon sucks. More: CNBC

Um wtf?!
Yesterday Trump announced his running mate. And he met with RFK Jr. We’re not even kidding. The Republican nominee for the presidency met with the spoiler candidate who is trying to swing the election. Can you imagine Nader meeting with Bush? Or Stein meeting with Trump? Ok we can see that last one too. Apparently they had a nice chat about what role the brain worm guy can have in a Trump administration. If this meeting had taken place in Moscow, it wouldn’t have surprised us at all. RFK even posted a video of their fucked up conversation. Are we all clear on what they’re doing? Ok good. (Keith Edwards on twitter, The Hill)

Go Joe
It’s as true today as it was the first time it was said — the rent is too damn high. And Joe Biden is trying to do something about it. Today Biden is announcing a plan that would penalize landlords who raise rent more than 5 percent a year by withholding tax breaks. The proposal would have to pass Congress so it ain’t going anywhere, but housing costs is one of the top issues facing this country and it’s damn nice to see a president care about it. More: CNN

Today’s clips
In an unprecedented address, Sean O’Brien, the president of the powerful Teamsters union, delivered remarks at the Republican national convention (RNC) Monday night. More: The Guardian

The Democratic National Committee is quietly steaming ahead with plans to technically nominate President Biden weeks before the party's convention next month, Axios has learned. More: Axios

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