Today’s Big Stuff 7.15.24 | President Biden steps up

It’s Monday. There are 112 days until the general election. Another shooting grips America, Aileen Cannon does her buddy a huge favor and President Biden steps up.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It really comes in handy when we need to say “Holy shit!” 

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re sorry to report that the world didn’t get any less shitnuts crazytime this weekend. In fact, it went the other way. By now you know that someone shot at Trump during his rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday. You’ve no doubt seen every single Democrat condemn political violence. We do too. But we always have. Yeah, we hate political violence. 

We hated it when someone shot at the Obama White House. We hated it when someone shot Republicans at baseball practice. We hated it when some human garbage plotted to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer. We hated it when Trump supporters tried to run a Biden campaign bus off the road in Texas. We hated it when a mass shooter in El Paso cited “replacement theory” as a reason for his murderous rampage. We hated it when peaceful protesters were teargassed outside the White House. We hated it when some deranged monster beat Paul Pelosi with a hammer. We hated it when Trump sent an army of dirtbags to attack our Capitol. And we hate this shit. We genuinely hate it. 

But we’re also not the dumbasses posing with AR-15s on our goddamn Christmas cards. We’re not the ones trying to make Kyle Rittenhouse a hero. And we’re sure as hell not the ones who beat the shit out of cops with the American flag while attempting a coup. 

Still, we wish this hadn’t happened. We hate Trump with the fury of five satans. He is a dangerous racist sexist rapist piece of shit. But the best way to let him know that is to defeat him at the ballot box. So yes, we unequivocally condemn this horrible act of political violence. But we always do and we always have. We wish the other side would join us. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Hey so we know things are scary and insane right now. We got your backs. Deep breaths and long breaks from phone/computer/television screens are your best friends right now. Remember to eat, drink water and get some sleep. Things won’t get more fucked up if you practice some self-care. We promise.

Note three: The Republican convention starts today. We’re sure a convention that includes remarks from a man who was on video hitting a woman and a freshly out of prison Peter Navarro will be super focused on trying to lower the national temperature. More: WSJ, ABC News

Note four: We are obviously very critical of the press and we shudder to think of the impact of these photos. But Sam covered campaigns and the White House with guys like Evan Vucci and Doug Mills and we should be damn grateful to them for putting their lives on the line to document history. Plus Evan is like the coolest guy you’d ever want to meet. More: CNN

Note five: We haven’t forgotten about this shit…

Note six: Axios has a story out today about how Trump is a changed man who could unite the country. Can you imagine being that goddamn gullible? More: NO EFFING LINK

Note seven: This was a damn tough weekend for American pop culture too. In one single weekend, we lost Dr. Ruth, Richard Simmons and Shannen Doherty. Those three people sure created a helluva lot of memories for us. RIP. More: CNN, NPR, NBC News

Note eight: We are so mad about thi

Note nine: Trump is probably picking a running mate today. It’s probably going to be Jellyfish Doodiesniffer (JD) Vance. So get ready for some awful. More: Huff Post

Note 10: How chickenshit is MSNBC? They canceled Morning Joe today… More: Justin Baragona

Note 11: The Secret Service is about to go through some shit. And really, it’s long overdue. That agency is a disaster. More: CNN

Note 12: Steve Bannon is still in prison.

Note 13: Trump is promising to be a new Trump and give a different speech this week and unify the country. We’re not beltway political reporters, so we’re not buying that bullshit. More: Huff Post

Note 14: Btw the New Tone guy was immediately fundraising off the assassination attempt… More: Huff Post

Note 15: We’re going to talk about this more in the news section, but we wanted to make sure y’all saw President Biden from the Oval last night… More: Adam Parkhomenko

Note 16: We’re very sorry that Donald Trump got shot. But we are not going to stop talking about what a dangerous asshead he is. 

Note 17: Republicans are blaming DEI for this shit?! Seriously?! More: Huff Post

Note 18: Lauren Boebert is still very much the worst. More: Huff Post

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, we’ve got nothing. We just hope y’all are being good to yourselves. Things are royally fucked up right now, and it’s ok to be scared or anxious. Just know that your loyal cussing newsletter is here to help you through it. Love y’all!

Note 20: And since we can’t send you off like that, here’s Marvin Gaye singing What’s Going On…

Scary times
The big news right now is of course that Donald Trump was the target of an assassination attempt over the weekend. We don’t know why the shooter — a registered Republican — targeted Trump or how he was able to get such a clear shot at the former president. We do know that the order of the day is chaos. Also, a Trump supporter was killed while shielding his kids from the bullets. As much as we brawl with these folks, we don’t want shit like this to ever happen and we’re sending our deepest sympathies. More: Associated Press

WHAT?!
Trump has immediately returned to his favorite pastime of getting away with crimes. This morning “Judge” Aileen Cannon dismissed the charges against Trump in the case of the classified documents he stole, citing the Supreme Court’s immunity ruling and saying that the appointment and funding of Special Counsel Jack Smith was unlawful. Yes this is absolutely fucking insane and you should be furious. The good news — if you can call it that — is that now Smith can appeal to the 11th Circuit. The bad news is there is no way this shit is getting figured out before the election. Cannon should be ashamed of herself. Today she made America less safe and less just. More: NBC News

Thank you, Mr. President
One of the things we were all watching this weekend was how President Biden would respond to the attack on Trump. And in our eyes, he aced it. The president responded quickly, giving remarks and then flying back to Washington so he could be in the Situation Room. We thought his decision to keep updating the American people and then give an Oval Office address calling for the nation to lower its temperature was spot on. In short, we were grateful to have a president who used this terrifying moment to heal the nation instead of trying to make things worse. More: CBS News

Today’s clips
Hundreds of thousands of people in southeastern Texas are still without power, one week after Hurricane Beryl caused devastation on its path through the state. More: NBC News

Secret Service and local law enforcement representatives said Sunday there are no plans to change the security measures for the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee this week. More: NBC News