‘Thunderously Booed’

It’s Tuesday. There are 147 days until the midterms. All the Iran deals that didn’t happen, Trump is already ruining the World Cup and the most delusional little man on the planet considers WH run.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But probably not as much as Knicks fans did last night.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, today there are people who hate Donald J. Trump more than you do. We know. Doesn’t seem possible, does it? But last night, Cankles McManboobies waddled into Madison Square Garden to put his personal loser stank all over the New York Knicks’ 13-game winning streak and holy shit what a jinx. THEY HADN’T LOST IN LIKE SIX FUCKING WEEKS AND THEN HE SHOWED UP! We are so sorry, New York. Y’all did not deserve this. But none of us does.

And it was clear from the jump that New Yorkers did not want Trump there. Despite lies from Trump and Fox News, you can clearly hear the response dipshit got from the sellout crowd who had to show up hours early for the game because of fuckhead’s security…

BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Delicious. It’s as if an entire city came together to declare in one voice “YOU FUCKING SUCK, ASSHOLE!” And we sure do appreciate it. Not only is that sonofabitch spending our money to go sleep at NBA finals games while our nation is at war, but he also royally fucked up one of the most exciting streaks in sports. It’s actually a pretty impressive feat. In fact, we’re so impressed by Trump’s ability to fuck things up just by being near them that we’ve come up with a new award just for him.

The Ted Cruz Shithead Jinx Award is only given to those despicable assholes who show up where no one wants them only to bring bad luck and shame upon the team they were rooting for. We believe this is the first award Trump has ever actually earned. We know just where he can keep it. Y’all have a blessed day. And hang in there, Knicks fans.

Note two: Speaking of Ted Cruz, guess who’s handing out lectures on masculinity. LOLOLOL!!! Irony has been murdered. Cruz’s dad probably pulled the trigger. More: HuffPost

Note three: Los Angeles made it official last night. Nityha Raman is moving on and Spencer Pratt can fuck off. Thank you, City of Angels! More: NBC News

Note four: Trump and Hegseth lost a helicopter near the Strait of Hormuz. We assume the president was wide awake and hard at work when it happened. Or he was in a coma at a basketball game. More: NBC News

Note five: White House reporters have a system where one reporter from each medium will report back to the rest of the White House press. After all, you can’t fit that many reporters on Air Force One. We thought y’all might enjoy seeing the pool report from last night. It’s a keeper.

Note six: DO NOT drink raw milk. And stay far the fuck away from this creep. This motherfucker admits he’s putting children in the hospital and he doesn’t care. It’s really gonna suck when he’s our next HHS secretary. More: ProPublica

Note seven: It’s Tuesday so people are voting. If they’re voting near you, you should join them. And remember not to vote for any assholes. More: Bolts Mag

Note eight: Tim Walz had a chance to destroy JD Vance. He didn’t take it. Now JD is fucking Walz like he’s a couch. And the national news media continues to believe that the George Santos party gives a shit about fraud. More: NBC News

Note nine: Ok this is pretty hilarious. Texas Republicans are so desperate to smear Talarcio that they’re now acting like it’s a scandal that he dated someone. If only he’d cheated on his wife, then he’d be a saint like Ken Paxton, right? More: Texas Scorecard

Note 10: The only two things we’ve ever had in common with Trump is that we both hate Don Jr. and Stephen A. Smith. Of course we don’t hate Stephen for racist reasons like the president does…

Note 11: Back to Texas for a moment — Ken Paxton is so odious that even his impeachment lawyer is backing Talarico. Now James just needs the endorsement of Paxton’s ex-wife. More: AP

Note 12: Trump wasn’t the only asshole politician at the game last night. Rahm Emanuel was too. He was sitting courtside with rich scumbags. And yet the mainstream media think Democrats might vote for this man for president. That’s how out-of-touch these freaks really are. More: AP

Note 13: RIP to the great historian Gordon Wood. He will forever be remembered for his important works and the time Will Hunting talked about him in that Harvard bar. More: AP

Note 14: Anna Faris tried to sneak a Melania joke into the new Scary Movie and that is one of many reasons why we love Anna Faris. More: HuffPost

Note 15: The Speaker of the House is lying about American elections and admitting he has zero proof. Shouldn’t that be a scandal?

Note 16: The Atlantic has an important story today (we never say that) about this nation’s ongoing betrayal of Black members of the military. We sure hope Hegseth has to face up to this shit someday. More: The Atlantic

Note 17: Bill Maher is happy Scott Pelley got fired. Just in case there were any doubts about what a loser-ass bitch Bill Maher is. Maybe Pelley will let Bill hold one of his Emmys. More: The Hill

Note 18: We’re sorry to report that your Democratic senators are selling you out again. Last week, John Fetterman returned a “blue slip” to approve and endorse a Trump judicial nomination. This week, Michigan Sens. Gary Peters and Elissa Slotkin did the same. With friends like these, who the fuck needs Republicans? More: Bloomberg Law, USA Today

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to Delaney Hall in New Jersey. Why would the Happy Ending come from an American concentration camp? Because living angel Ms. Rachel paid the kids there a visit yesterday and we think that’s amazing…

Note 20: And on that heartwarming yet gut wrenching note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far and some fucking asshole didn’t come along and screw up your winning streak. Because what kind of selfish prick would do such a thing? Love y’all!

Just Two More Weeks

It seems like every goddamn day we wake up and see Axios is reporting that Trump is close to a deal with Iran. And every goddamn day that turns out to be a lie. So how many times has this actually happened? Well fortunately, Aaron Blake at CNN was kind enough to add it up for us. And according to Blake, Trump has told the American people that a deal is coming 38 TIMES. Jesus. That’s more than the number of times he’s met Barron! Maybe Axios should try getting confirmation before reporting bullshit and lying to their readers.

More: CNN

(White) World Cup

The easiest thing in the world to predict was Trump fucking up the Knicks’ streak. The second easiest thing to predict is that he will fuck up the World Cup. And he already is. Award-winning referee Omar Artan has been banned from entering the United States to achieve his dream of refereeing the World Cup. Why? Because he’s from Somalia and the president of the United States is a racist piece of shit. If you think you can’t be anymore ashamed, just wait. The Iranian team touched down in Mexico this week — because they couldn’t stay in the U.S. — and when they did they were wearing pins to honor all those little girls Trump murdered. So yeah, if this thing is supposed to show off America’s greatness, then it has already failed.

More: ESPN, ABC7 NY

Run, Nazi, Run!

Greg Bovino is an endless source of comedy. It’s true that he’s a vicious little nazi shit who has been joining forces with other nazi shits in Europe. But he also refers to himself as “the commander” and talks about deporting 100 million people. You can see why he was too much of a nazi for even Trump’s nazi ass. But the best part is that little Greggy seems to think he has enough support to run for president. And we totally think he should do it. Let’s take off the hood once and for all and show the world who Republicans really are — tiny little anger freaks who want to kill everyone who isn’t white. So yeah, go for it, little fella.

More: News Nation

Today’s clips

U.S. airlines spent more than $6 billion on jet fuel in April, up 78% from a year earlier despite using slightly less fuel, government data released Monday showed. Meanwhile, the airline industry’s top global trade group warned that soaring energy costs could nearly halve profits in 2026. More: AP

WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans will look to get nearly $70 billion for immigration enforcement over the finish line Tuesday, enough to fund a pair of Homeland Security agencies through the next three years and the rest of President Donald Trump’s time in office. More: AP

Severe weather moving across parts of the country over the next few days will bring destructive hail and damaging winds to more than 30 million people from the central Plains to the northern Great Lakes and strong storms for the mid-Atlantic and the Northeast. More: NBC News

An election denier who tried to overturn Donald Trump’s 2020 election loss is facing scrutiny over his new role in the Justice Department as part of a team investigating the president’s foes. More: NBC News

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) led the fast break in mocking President Donald Trumpfor apparently napping again ― this time during one of the most exciting sporting events to hit New York City in a while. More: HuffPost