THREE WEEKS UNTIL ELECTION DAY!

Today’s Big Stuff. October 15, 2024.

It’s Tuesday. THERE ARE THREE FREAKING WEEKS UNTIL ELECTION DAY!!! VP Harris goes into the lyin’ den, the blue team sounds a warning and Trump is seriously freaking losing it. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Note: Hello, Sexy Patriots, and welcome to Day One of the weirdest three goddamn weeks this country has ever seen. Last night alone was some of the most bizarre shit we’ve ever seen in politics. And we thought we’d keep things going by doing something weird ourselves and agreeing with Trump. We know it seems like we’ve lost what was left of our shit, but just be cool. We’ve got a plan….

So yeah, check this out, Trump supporters and Trump-leaning undecideds…

LOL! So we came up with lots and lots of jokes about this, but the thing we couldn’t get past was trying to guess just how many dumb motherfuckers are actually gonna show up to vote on Jan. 5 because their orange daddy told them to. Like, it’ll be more than a few, right? And the worst part is they’ll probably try to Jan. 6 whatever polling place is understandably not a polling place two months after the actual election. Let me in to vote, commie! Turn the machines back on and Make America Great Again! Goddamnit, Billy Ray, this is a rec center and you’re fucking up the kids’ kickball time! Now put down that girl’s Capri Sun, take off those horns and get the hell out of here! 

Anyway, it’s not funny but it kinda is. The rest of us will be voting on Nov. 5 or sooner. Trump and his dunces can show up wherever they like or just fuck all the way off. Makes no difference to us. Y’all have a blessed day.  

Note two: How y’all holding up? Three weeks out from a presidential election is always stressful. It’s even more so when the actual goddamn devil is within the margin of error. Just remember to breathe. And make phone calls. But seriously, breathe. We got this. If you want to help, go to Go.kamalaharris.com. We got this. 

Note three: Black Nazi Mark Robinson announced this morning that he is finally suing CNN. He probably shouldn’t have announced it on Nude Africa though. More: WCNC

Note four: Trump ain’t just confused about what day the election is. He doesn’t even know who lives in Arizona! More: Huff Post

Note five: Nobody show this post about crowd size to Trump. Or do. Just make sure you’re wearing ketchup-resistant goggles. 

Note six: Trump is big mad that the movie about him being a piece of shit is coming out. So we should probably all go see it. More: Huff Post

Note seven: The Dow closed about 43,000 for the first time ever yesterday. So much for the Kamala crash we heard about a few weeks ago. More: NBC News

Note eight: Yesterday George Conway was spreading around the sign-up link for Trump’s rally at Madison Square Garden and we laughed so hard a little pee came out.

Note nine: Axios sucks, but this is a fun story about how the Harris campaign is beating Trump at his own social media game. More: Axios

Note 10: How much do we love Doug? 

Note 11: Coach Walz went to Lambeau Field yesterday. That has to be one of the perks of that gig. Even if you hate the Packers. More: WPR

Note 12: Ana Paulina Luna-tic is the granddaughter of an actual nazi soldier and a total Trump kiss-ass. She is also saying the Biden administration has done a good on Hurriane Milton. So she finally said something that isn’t batshit crazy. (We had to link to Fox because nobody else seemed to report on it.) More: Fox News

Note 13: Former Wisconsin Republican state Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz just endorsed VP Harris. Guess that GOP outreach is working. More: Wisconsin Examiner

Note 14: Omarosa endorsed Kamala Harris. We’re sorry to have wasted your time and a perfectly good note on this. More: Variety

Note 15: We’re gonna talk more about this weird shit in the news section, but we wanted y’all to see how VP Harris’ team called out Trump stroking out last night…

Note 16: Some HUGE news out of Georgia this morning as a judge says that certifying election results is mandatory. We honestly can’t tell you how much we needed to see this one. More: CNN

Note 17: Trump’s SecDef says we should take him seriously when he says he’s going to send the military to attack Americans. We do, man. More: The Hill

Note 18: The head of the NRA is a sicko who killed a cat. Anyone else seeing a pattern with these twisted fuckers? More: The Guardian

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you back down to Georgia, where early voting started and where 100-year-old Jimmy Carter has made it to his goal of being able to vote for Kamala Harris for president. Thank you, Mr. President. Now the rest of us don’t have any excuses. 

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a good start. And please don’t forget to vote on Nov. 5. Let the morons vote in January. Love y’all! 

Brave
Did you see what we did in the headline up top? Lyin’ den? Like lion’s den except about Fox? Get it? Oh. Ok. Well anyway Vice President Harris is heading into the nuthouse Wednesday when she sits down for an interview with Fox’s Bret Baier, the dude who wanted to wait on the Arizona call in 2020 so as not to piss off Trump. There were also reports Monday night that the VP is considering going on Joe Rogan’s podcast. These are some gutsy moves, and we aren’t about to question the strategy. Go git ‘em, ma’am. More: Variety

Red alert
While she’s on Fox, VP Harris might be talking about what an actual danger Donald Trump is to the American people since on Sunday said he wanted to sic the military on Americans he doesn’t like. The VP and Coach Walz seized on the remark, sounding the alarm about a man with clear fascist designs on the United States. The VP even played clips of Trump at her evening rally, that Trump is “increasingly unstable and unhinged. And he is out for unchecked power and control over your lives.” She’s right. And we’ve got three weeks to stop it. More: NPR

WTF?!
So Trump was never all there. You know? Like he’s always been crazier than a shithouse rat. But recently, it’s clear that fella is all the way out to lunch. And there was no better example of this than last night when he went total high school stoner at a town hall and told the crowd he didn’t want to take any more questions and instead they should just listen to music together. And so they did. He stood there on stage, swaying and dancing, for about 30 minutes. The crowd didn’t even leave. And then he gets on Truth Social in the middle of the night to scream about how his health is perfect and the real danger is Harris’ seasonal allergies. So yeah, we’ve always been up against some weird shit. But now we’re up against weird shit that’s lost its shit. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips
A year that began with the prospect of a federal court reckoning for Trump will end without any chance of a trial, leaving voters without the finality of an up-or-down jury verdict in the two most consequential cases against the Republican presidential nominee. Yet both cases still loom over the election, their potential resurgence in the coming months making clear that at stake on Nov. 5 is not only the presidency but also possibly Trump’s liberty. More: Huff Post

Former President Bill Clinton swiped at Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) and her conspiracy theories about the weather during remarks in Georgia that prompted a burst of laughter from his audience. More: Huff Post

The Supreme Court on Tuesday overturned a lower court ruling from Pennsylvania that allowed residents under 21 to carry firearms in public, though the justices declined for now to hear arguments in the case themselves. More: CNN