There are six days until Election Day.

Today’s Big Stuff. October 30, 2024.

It’s Wednesday. There are six days until Election Day. Elon Leon is planning to tank the economy, Republicans aren’t done going after Obamacare and the VP gives Donny (crowd) size envy.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And let’s be honest — the Statue of Liberty would even be cussing at this point if she could.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! Who’s ready to kick some orange ass? Yeah, we are too. We sure do hate that psycho sonofabitch, and we don’t mind saying it. You know who else hates him? Well, a lot of people. But also Chucky Livingston. Chucky is the poor bastard who has to clean the ketchup off the walls at Mar-a-Lago. And yesterday, this happened to Chucky…

Oh hell yes. How great is that? Pretty damn great, right? Unless you’re Chucky Livingston. This morning, we caught up with Chucky to see how it’s going…

TBS: Hey Chucky! You ok, man?

Chucky Livingston: Hey guys! Big fan! I can only talk for a minute. I still have six more rooms to do.

TBS: Oh wow. So Trump threw a lot of ketchup at the walls last night after seeing Kamala Harris’ speech?

Chucky: Fellas, this whole fucking place is more ketchup than country club at this point. It’s like the elevator doors from the Shining hotel opened and never closed.

TBS: Man, sounds like you have a shitty job.

Chucky: I do. But he only does it when he’s made a fool of so I have crazy good job security.

TBS: Fair point. Good luck to you, Chucky.

Chucky: Thanks, guys! Go Kamala!

Poor Chucky. And poor Trump. He’s such a sad loser with his sad little rallies and his sad little crowds. We’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t an evil butt hellbent on destroying America. But he is, so fuck him. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Vice President Harris is planning to spend Election Night at Howard University, her alma mater in D.C. It’s the perfect place to be when she makes history on Tuesday. Let’s do this. More: NBC News

Note three: The guy with the dead worm in his brain said Trump has promised to put him in charge of HHS and the Ag Department. That would be really really really bad for our food and health, and we need our food and health. More: CNN

Note four: Yesterday our broken and corrupt SCOTUS managed to not fuck something up as they ruled that RFK Jr. has to stay on the ballot in Michigan and Wisconsin. We continue to believe it would be the funniest thing ever if Trump loses because of the brain worm asshole. More: Associated Press

Note five: The VP took over the Sphere…

Note six: Ted Cruz is running anti-trans ads that feature two underage kids. He doesn’t have the consent of their parents, and the school district is asking him to take the ads down. So basically this motherfucker is hurting kids to try and win an election. Just when you think he can’t get anymore repulsive, he Ted Cruzes. More: KXAN

Note seven: Instead of apologizing to Puerto Ricans yesterday, Trump spent the day defending his gross hate rally as a “lovefest.” That really helps explain how he can think he loves this country. More: Huff Post

Note eight: Trump is all-caps screaming about cheating in Pennsylvania, so we appear to be winning Pennsylvania. Yay! More: CNN

Note nine: Andrea Mitchell is ending her show on MSNBC. Notice how nobody was sad to hear that? More: Associated Press

Note 10: Nikki Haley went on Fox last night and totally ripped the Trump campaign for being sexist as hell. Seems like that would be a good reason to also vote against the candidate, but Nikki is too pathetic for that. 

Note 11: Joe Biden went for ice cream with Maryland U.S. Senate candidate Angela Alsobrooks. We love that. More: The Baltimore Banner

Note 12: Steve Bannon is out of prison. Damnit. More: New Republic

Note 13: Elon Leon Musk bought a compound in Texas for his 11 children and their moms. So just start calling him Dorky Koresh. Oh and he’s also offering people his sperm. We suggest everyone say no. More: Rolling Stone

Note 14: The scumbag that attacked Paul Pelosi is going to prison for life. Let’s send his orange muse there too, shall we? More: Associated Press

Note 15: We know y’all are stressed and could use a laugh so here’s Melania talking about Be Best lolololol…

Note 16: RIP to the incomparable Teri Garr. We rewatched Young Frankenstein last night in her honor. More: EW

Note 17: The Biden-Harris economy continues to kick major ass as the U.S. economy grew by 2.8 percent in the third quarter. On the flipside, WaPo reports that several companies are already readying price hikes to offset Trump’s tariffs. More: CNN 

Note 18: Women in America are dying because of Donald Trump. That is the cold hard truth. And if he gets elected, more women will die. More: ProPublica

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, all we can say is America does not deserve Gwen Walz. 

Note 20: And on that delicious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are feeling fired up and ready to go. Believe, Sexy Patriots. Believe. Love y’all!

10:41 AM ET Update: After hitting send on the newsletter Arnold Schwarzenegger endorsed Kamala Harris! More: Twitter

Stop him!
Do you know how bad you have to have fucked up for both the Washinton Post and the New York Times to both notice? That’s like getting arrested by a cop who was napping on his break. But both papers had stories yesterday about how Leon Elon Musk is talking about taking a wrecking ball to both the U.S. government and the economy. Musk is warning of “temporary hardship” and $2 trillion in cuts that would kill pretty much everything we know. In short, he’s promising economic and societal chaos that will reign until he’s able to build his utopia on the ashes. So we should probably not let that happen. More: Rolling Stone

Can’t stop, won’t stop
MAGA Mike Johnson let the cat out of the bag and said this week that Republicans will again go after Obamacare if they win. Johnson told supporters in Pennsylvania this week that if Trump wins and Republicans keep the House then they will do “massive reform” to the program that has saved millions of American lives. Johnson said Trump is “going to go big” if he gets back in the White House. Yeah, that’s what we’re afraid of. More: NBC News

Goosebumps
Adam was among the 75,000 people who turned out in Washington last night to hear Vice President Kamala Harris make her closing remarks. To call it inspiring is insufficient. Speaking from the Ellipse, the VP reminded Americans of the violent and despicable assault Trump launched from that very location. But then she talked of a better way, again laying out her policies and promising to fight for every American. With the White House behind her, the VP looked presidential. Oh and Trump’s scummy rally at the Ellipse only got 50,000. The Vice President is ready. We are too. Let’s bring it home. More: Associated Press, Adam Parkhomenko

Today’s clips

There’s a new kind of gender gap in the 2024 election: Women are voting early in huge numbers, far outpacing men. Politico

A former Republican candidate for the U.S. House of Representatives was taken into custody Tuesday by Indiana State Police on suspicion of stealing several ballots during a test of voting machines earlier this month. More: Huff Post

Police arrested an 18-year-old wielding a machete with an 18-inch blade outside a polling station in Florida on Tuesday, who was part of a group of teenagers accused of intimidating Democratic supporters. More: NBC News