The Young Republican KKKlub

It’s Wednesday. There are 384 days until the midterm elections. Trump ruins the World Cup, America quits the whole free speech thing and Young Republicans are exactly what you thought they were.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can call JD Vance a big piece of shit.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, we try damn hard to avoid becoming that which we hate. It ain’t easy to do when you’re up against totally soulless shit-eating scumbags like Trump and his cult. Still, we try to remember that we love Sexy Patriots of all shapes and sizes, and the last thing we want to do is demean someone’s physical appearance and stuff they can’t control. But holy fucking shit look how little Sean Hannity looks these days…

Dammmmnnnnn. It’s fucking wild how much about him immediately makes sense after you see that. We get it, lil’ bro. We’d be filled with hate and rage and non-micro-penis envy too. It’s not even like he’s short. He’s supposedly 6-feet-tall. But look what misery and bending over to kiss fascist taint is doing to him! He’s turning into a constipation poop nugget! Seriously, he looks like he slept in a garbage compactor. We were exaggerating when we said he was Trump’s buttplug. We had no idea it was a real possibility! And how the fuck does his shrunken, rotting body support that giant head?!

Anyway, like we said, we normally try to avoid making fun of people’s physical traits, but it’s Sean Hannity. So fuck him and his evil shrinking bitch ass. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: RIP to D’Angelo. This one hurts. More: YouTube

Note three: If you know us, you know how much we love Ghostbusters. So we are straight up fucking livid a protester was arrested for playing the theme song on her clarinet outside of a Portland ICE facility. WHAT FUCKING COUNTRY IS THIS?! PROTESTING WHILE PLAYING THE GHOSTBUSTERS THEME SONG IS THE MOST AMERICAN SHIT WE CAN THINK OF!!! More: The Independent

Note four: The Speaker of the House, a little man with a little ween and no self-respect, says it’s fine for ICE to shoot pastors in the face with pepper balls. So if you were wondering if he’s a lying creep who’s full of shit about his religion, now you know. He is! More: Yahoo News

Note five: Trump seriously used our tax dollars to bail out his goddamn Argentina buddy while openly admitting he was doing it to interfere with an election there. Our farmers and federal workers weren’t so lucky. America first, right?

Note six: A big THANK YOU to the Democratic House members who marched to Mike Little Johnson’s office yesterday to demand he swear-in Adelita Grijalva. Man, Little Johnson REALLY doesn’t want the Epstein files coming out. More: NBC News

Note seven: We keep talking about Pennsylvania, Virginia, New Jersey and California, but there are local elections all over the freaking place this November. Do you know who or what is on the ballot? Do you have a plan to vote? Are you gonna make the authoritarian dipshits regret fucking with you? More: BoltsMag

Note eight: Yesterday at the paved over Rose Garden, Trump held the 78th memorial service for the late Charlie Kirk, presenting his widow with the Presidential Medal of Freedom while saying a shitload of inappropriate things. If we die, please keep Trump far as hell away from our funerals. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Trump murdered more Venezuelans yesterday. Makes you wish we had a Congress or some kind of oversight body, don’t it? More: NBC News

Note 10: We were not familiar with the I’ve Had It Podcast’s game, but holy shit are they not messing around. Every single goddamn politician in our country should have to face interviews like this.

Note 11: We haven’t offered any movie/TV suggestions in a minute. The new John Candy documentary is wonderful but very sad. And Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another is a must-watch. Y’all seen anything good lately?

Note 12: Trump has a big sad over George Stephanopoulous fucking JD like a couch. What a whiny little bitch.

Note 13: Los Angeles County has declared a state of emergency and it ain’t over yesterday’s rain. It’s because of the chaos and violence caused by the federal government. Trump calls our cities war zones and then works to make them that way. More: Associated Press

Note 14: Facebook removed an ICE-tracking app at Bullshit Bondi’s request. Remember when all the Twitter Files losers told us this was the worst thing that could happen? Well they’re awfully quiet and loser-y today. More: NBC News

Note 15: This would be a big deal if it was a Democrat. A Florida woman was able to obtain a restraining order against Rep. Cory Mills. You might remember that he was accused of assaulting a different woman in DC, but Trump’s DOJ made it go away. Should we send the National Guard to this asshole’s house? More: Mediaite

Note 16: One of Trump’s dumbshit sons is now claiming that he “saved God.” We know we do this a lot, but try to imagine the reaction after Malia Obama said the same thing about her dad. Also, we think Gary Busey was Eric’s real father.

Note 17: Open Enrollment is starting and Americans are seeing just how badly Trump and his party have fucked them over. No wonder these assholes are trying so hard to rig the midterms. More: NBC News

Note 18: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you an important message from Tony Gilroy, the creator of Andor. If you haven’t heard Sam talk nonstop about how important this show is right now, then we envy you. It is pretty goddamn good though.

Note 19: And on that rebellious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is going ok and that you’re not shrinking like Sean Hannity is. Some day he’ll shrink until there’s nothing left. We can’t wait. Love y’all!

Own goal
We freaking love the World Cup. Even though our team sucks, we have real love and excitement for the tournament. The last one was one of the most exciting sporting events we’ve ever seen. So of course Trump has to go and totally fuck it up. Because he’s basically a goddamn virus, Trump has repeatedly infected the next World Cup with constant threats and corruption. Now he’s threatening to take the games away from cities who have mayors he doesn’t like. Yesterday he was threatening Boston. Yeah, he says he loves the people but hates the mayor. Someone should ask his dumb ass who the fuck he thinks elected her. Or maybe someone should ask him why he has to get his gross orange stank on everything. More: ESPN

About that free speech shit
Yesterday Liddle Marco’s State Department announced that it was revoking visas from six people because they said things about Charlie Kirk that Republicans don’t like. So yeah, we are now kicking people out of the country for speech. These poor people probably believed the centuries of lies about how America was a free country with free speech. Fooled them! This is a grotesque abuse of power, and it really sickens us to see. Fuck Liddle. More: CNN

Yeah, we knew
Politico dropped a bombshell yesterday that wasn’t really surprising even though it was really shocking. The news outlet gained access to a Young Republicans’ chat thread and found it was filled with racism, rape talk and just about every other vile and horrifying thing you can imagine. So yeah, they’re definitely Republicans. Instead of condemning this horrible shit, VP Couchfuck made excuses for it and tried to make it about the Virginia AG’s race. These freaks literally said “I love Hitler” and JD is fine with it. It’s like they only send Vance out to excuse this kind of gross shit. Anyway, this is exactly who Republicans are. But you already knew that. More": Politico

Today’s clips
Media School Dean David Tolchinsky terminated Director of Student Media Jim Rodenbush on Tuesday afternoon after he refused to censor the Indiana Daily Student. More: IDS News

A first-term Republican state senator from Orleans County is facing pressure from members of his own party to resign after a story published by Politico Tuesday detailed his involvement in a racist text chat between members of Young Republican chapters in four states, including Vermont. More: Vermont Public

WeRateDogs, a popular social media account that shares heartwarming dog stories, took an unusual political turn Tuesday with a post bashing Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) over a story about a pet dog that was fatally shot during a raid on a home in Texas. More: Mediaite

Retired General and former Vice Chief of Staff for the U.S. Army Jack Keane was bluntly critical of the Pentagon’s new press restrictions Tuesday, telling Fox News anchor Bret Baier this was an improper attempt to “spoon-feed information” to journalists. More: Mediaite

A body Hamas returned to Israel as part of President Donald Trump’s ceasefire deal is not that of any of the hostages, the Israel Defense Forces said Wednesday, as the already-fragile truce in Gaza faced renewed pressure. More: NBC News

The Supreme Court is taking up a major Republican-led challenge to the Voting Rights Act, the centerpiece legislation of the Civil Rights Movement, that could gut a key provision of the law that prohibits racial discrimination in redistricting. More: Associated Press