The Resistance Pope

Thank God the new pope hates JD Vance too

Does everyone hate JD Vance?

Well does the pope shit in the woods?

We might have that second question wrong. But thanks to twitter, we know the answer to the first one. And while we doubt the new pope really hates Vance, it’s nice to know he at least disagrees with the ass-kissing couch-fuck.

Before he became Pope Leo XIV on Thursday, Robert Prevost was on twitter. And it was there that he wrote “JD Vance is wrong,” posting a story that was a rebuke of Vance’s hateful beliefs. It was on twitter that he suggested he wants to battle climate change and believes that Black lives matter and subtweeted about Trump laughing at Kilmar Garcia. Thanks to twitter, we know the new pope is nothing like the new president.

The new pope is an American. And there’s nothing more American than thinking JD Vance is a douchebag.

At a time when America seems determined to be a global embarrassment, we actually got one right in Prevost. Sure, he was way too cool with child sex abuse and not cool enough with LGBTQ folks, but that might actually endear him to some Republicans. After they calm down, of course.

Yes, Trump Republicans were so furious Thursday to see a “woke pope” elected that the white smoke could have been coming from their ears. Half of them are furious the guy cares about his fellow human beings, and the other half are furious to learn that Trump-as-pope was just some stupid AI picture. But what the freaks don’t understand is that they are helping to bring the world together.

First, we saw liberals rise from the ashes and win in Canada. Then we saw the same thing in Australia. And now it has happened in a papal enclave. The world is rendering its verdict on Trumpism, and it’s going the other way.

Sure, it sucks that Americans didn’t figure this out first. But we take it as a good sign that the free world seems to be rejecting Trumpism and stopping it from a global spread. Imagine how bad this could have been. A Fox News pope bitching about wokeism and cheering for concentration camps would have been pretty goddamn bad.

These are dark times in America, but there are still plenty of reasons to have hope that the future won’t be orange, dumb and Trumpy. We might not lead the world to a better place, but it looks like others will in our absence. Hopefully soon we will begin to catch up.

So congratulations to the new pope. We hope he leads with his heart, protects kids, heals the sick, comforts the afflicted and pisses off Trump and Vance and their ilk every chance he gets.