THE MORONS ARE COMING!

It’s Monday. There are 22 days until Election Day. VP Harris calls out an orange chicken, Trump wants to use the military on Americans and we can still hold the Senate, y’all.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. The other newsletters wish they could too.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots. Y’all are looking extra Sexy and Patriotic today so we don’t wanna freak you out or nuthin’ but there’s something we think you should know. AMERICA’S HITLER IS LIKE THREE FUCKING WEEKS AWAY FROM POSSIBLY ENDING OUR COUNTRY AS WE KNOW IT!!! Yeah, that dumb orange sonofabitch has lost what’s left of his mind, he’s planning to take a wrecking ball to the decent parts of this country, polls are all over the dang place and so this feels like a good time for a pep talk.

We were hoping the reputable news media would sound this alarm, but they’ve totally blown it so that just leaves us. Fuck. Oh well, let’s Paul Revere this shit. THE MORONS ARE COMING! THE MORONS ARE COMING! THE MORONS ARE COMING! Spread the word far and wide. Let them know there’s a giant cloud of shit coming to America if we don’t take a stand right here and now. We’re basically like the Goonies of Democracy. And this is our time. For the next three weeks, we have to give this everything we’ve got. This is our chance to stop fascism. This is the fight for freedom of our era. This is our chance to help good beat evil’s fucking ass.

So damn the polls! Fuck the pundits! And motherfuck the morons! Let’s win this election! Let’s make history! Let’s save this country’s hot ass again! Hell yeah! Fuck Trump! Let’s go!!! Y’all have a blessed day!

Note two: You know how Trump and Vance and their dirtbag allies have been lying about the FEMA response to Helene? Well FEMA had to move some of their personnel in North Carolina because of concerns about armed militias in the area “out hunting FEMA.” This is what we have to beat. And it starts by beating Trump. More: Washington Post

Note three: RIP to trailblazer and giant Lilly Ledbetter, for whom the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was named. More: AL.com

Note four: If you ever have a bad day, just remember it could be worse and you could have to remember the time you went out to the desert for a Trump rally and he left your dumb ass there. LOL!!! More: The Wrap

Note five: Holy shitballs! Even Politico is calling Trump “racist.” And they freaking work for him!

Note six: So yesterday everyone freaked out a tied NBC poll, but she’s winning in both the ABC and CBS polls. Everything is stupid right now. Including us. Why do we keep losing our minds over this shit when we know better? NO LINK — IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

Note seven: Trump openly threatened the people of California this weekend. While he was in California. He said he will force his policies “down” Gov. Gavin Newsom’s “throat” or the state won’t get any federal money to fight wildfires. So yeah, he’s doing the exact shit he’s been accusing Democrats of doing. We just can’t with this fucker anymore. More: The Independent

Note eight: Dennis Quaid spoke at Trump’s rally this weekend. So that guy can eat shit. Thank you to the amazing Lea Thompson for putting him in check. More: Yahoo

Note nine: It’s been a few days since the NYT reported that Trump called VP Harris the r-word and we are still shitting fire furious. More: CNN

Note 10: It’s that time of year. We have a Bill Clinton at a McDonald’s sighting.

Note 11: We know we’re gonna win this election. But stories like this one make clear just how insane the road ahead is probably gonna be. More: HuffPost

Note 12: Thank you to President Biden for visiting Florida yesterday. Even Rick Scott and Ana Paulina Luna-tic managed to put away their horns long enough to do the right thing and tour storm damage with the president of the United States. Only Ron DeSantis couldn’t be found. What a wank. More: NBC

Note 13: This is a good and detailed reminder of why we won’t know Pennsylvania’s results until later than we could because Republicans intentionally force the delay in order to allow for chaos and lies. More: TPM

Note 14: Steve Bannon is still in prison.

Note 15: We’re so sorry to show you this. We just think it never stops being funny.

Note 16: The Wall Street Journal is reporting today that most economists think Trump’s dumbass economic plans will lead to higher inflation and deficits. So maybe our country should do the smart thing and not elect this idiot. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 17: We were out yesterday so we were unable to wish happy birthdays to Doug Emhoff and Gus Walz, two super cool dudes. Let’s give them their birthday presents on Nov. 5, shall we?

Note 18: Happy Indigenous People’s Day. Christopher Columbus can eat shit.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending… ladies and gentlemen, Stevie Nicks…

Note 20: And on that goddess note, let’s go do some news! We know y’all are ready for the homestretch so let’s give it all we got and kick some nazi taint! Love y’all!

Git him

VP Harris spent part of the weekend asking an important question: What is Donald Trump’s staff hiding? He won’t do interviews with non-friendly audiences, he won’t do a second debate and he won’t release his medical records. Oh and he sounds like a cracked out fucking lunatic every time he opens his gross goddamn mouth. This weekend, the VP asked: “Are they afraid that people will see he is too weak and unstable to lead America?” Sure seems to us that America deserves some answers.

More: NBC

Um…

So one of Trump’s most consistent talking points these days is that the threat within is more dangerous to the nation than Russia or China. Yes, he’s talking about us all and the people we vote for. On Fox News, he said there are “enemies from within” and they might need to be dealt with by the military. We know y’all know this but this dictator shit is real, and we wish everyone else would hear it too.

More: CNN

We ain’t done yet

So we can’t believe we’re quoting Politico twice in the same day and we’re not proud of it, but we thought y’all should see this. According to polling from Mitch McConnell’s Senate Leadership Fund, Democrats still have a damn good chance to keep the Senate. Mitch’s polling has found Republicans ahead in Montana and West Virginia but struggling in Michigan, Maryland and Ohio, where Sherrod Brown is still standing strong. Wisconsin and Pennsylvania have gotten too damn close for comfort. Texas and Nebraska are unexpected wildcards. We need to elect VP Harris. And if we want to do anything about our broken SCOTUS, then we need to give her a Democratic Senate. Let’s fucking go!!!

More: Politico

Today’s clips

Three U.S.-based academics won the 2024 Nobel economics prize on Monday for their research into why global inequality persists, especially in countries dogged by corruption and dictatorship. More: NBC

Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday unveiled a list of policies aimed toward Black men, her latest attempt to engage a voting bloc former President Donald Trump and his campaign have attempted to court this election season. More: HuffPost