The GOP’s TDS

It’s Thursday. There are 54 days until the midterm elections. We really hate that Pennsylvania senator, Trump didn’t stop inflation and the desperate dirtbag president tries to bribe America.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell John Fetterman to eat shit, fuck off and kiss our asses.

Note: You won’t be surprised to hear, Sexy Patriots, that neither of us are medical doctors. Frankly, we’re not doctors of any kind. But even we can diagnose a bad case of TDS from a mile away. No, we’re not talking about the idiotic made-up syndrome that Trump and his enablers employ all so often. We’re talking about what we’re seeing at their freakshow convention and what their message is for the fall. And it all boils down to TDS…

Trans, DSA and Shithead. TDS.

The trans you know. They will run dumb and cruel and dangerous campaigns against our trans friends. Elon Leon Musk is planning to use a big chunk of his donations on this very issue. Wouldn’t it be great if he just loved his kid instead? The second is DSA. After years of calling us socialists and communists, Republicans are going to again call us socialists and communists. The problem for them is that an actual DSA guy is in office and kicking much ass in New York City, and Trump is just Kim Jong Orange.

And that brings us to Shithead. Donald J. Trump. They will try to ride this embarrassingly large cult of shit-for-brains lunatics to yet another improbable win. We saw last night just how desperate and deranged he really is. Did you hear how long he talked about beating meat? Jesus, Donnie! We’re trying to eat over here!

We know what they’re offering and what they’re gonna do. It’s gross, it’s tired and it’s weak. And we can’t wait to beat its ass in November. So keep doing what you’re doing, Sexy Patriots. And let’s put an end to this TDS horseshit once and for all. Y’all have a blessed day. More: HuffPost

Note two: We did a much-needed therapy session yesterday. If you missed it, you can get caught up here.

Note three: We have to admit it’s pretty hilarious that even Trump hates Ken Paxton and thinks he’s gross. Imagine being too smarmy for the Epstein guy. More: Twitter

Note four: Trump is claiming the arena was packed and the ratings beat the opening night of the NFL. He’s also 10-feet tall, can fly by farting and flapping his wings and has a great healthcare plan coming out in two weeks. More: HuffPost

Note five: Yesterday we shared that oil had gone back above $100 a barrel. Well, it’s still going up. More: HuffPost

Note six: There were some incumbents toppled in Rhode Island’s primaries last night. Are we done now? Has everyone had their primaries? Ok good because we’ve got a general election we need to focus on. More: NBC News, NBC News

Note seven: The Free Speech people are forcing Jimmy Kimmel to not air an interview with James Talarico. Brendan Carr’s bitch ass must be really scared of James and the First Amendment. More: Variety

Note eight: There has been a ton of talk about how Jewish Americans are feeling about politics these days. This survey suggests that the reality is very different than what you might see on social media.

Note nine: We’re starting to think Trump’s bribery plane is a real piece of shit. It ain’t normal for emergency slides to pop out like that. More: CNN

Note 10: We know you know this, but climate change is real and it’s going to kill a lot of people. More: AP

Note 11: We are starting to dream big about the possibilities in the Senate. So we’re allowing ourselves to even dream about winning in Kansas. Especially when former Republican governors are endorsing Democrat Adam Hamilton over Sen. Roger Marshall. More: KSN

Note 12: There’s so much going on right now. But please make sure to take a minute to make fun of how Vivek Ramaswamy swings a baseball bat. Yikes, bro.

Note 13: This Missouri mess is still going on, but the dude behind it all doesn’t get to escape a contempt hearing and we’re happy about that. More: AP

Note 14: How bad are things in Trump’s America? O’Charley’s has fallen. Man, Sam sure made a lot of bad decisions in various O’Charley’s. More: WKRN

Note 15: Republicans suck so bad that they’re even losing their own propagandists. And that’s hard to do!

Note 16: Rubio and Couchfuck are warning Trump that the Iran war that we’ve already won and will be over in a matter of weeks might actually keep going for the rest of his presidential term. So those $5,000 bribes might cover one tank of gas in 2027. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 17: This is not an endorsement of Hasan Piker, but we have to say this made us laugh. More: Instagram

Note 18: The scumbag Tate brothers are staying in jail. It’s not enough to restore our faith in the universe, but it’s a start. More: NPR

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to thank Ms. Rachel for being the new Mr. Rogers and always standing up for what’s right. She’s also a cold-blooded motherfucker on the basketball court…

Note 20: And on that nothing-but-net note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far and watched football instead of fuckhead last night. Don’t let those assholes in Texas scare you. They’re doing this because they’re the ones who are scared. And we like that. Love y’all!

Fuck Uncle Fester

We’ve hated John Fetterman for a while now. We hate ourselves for ever supporting him. And we hate that we have to wait another two years to beat his ugly ogre ass in a primary. But now our hate has been turned up to 11 after Lurch went and did a video appearance at that sad sack convention in Texas. This sonofabitch didn’t even come to our convention in 2024! The asshole said after the awkward and weird video that he’s not switching parties. Our greatest hope is that we win enough Senate seats that we can tell this jackass to fuck off forever.

More: AP

Remember Inflation?

We had a whole goddamn presidential campaign about inflation, and it’s still wrecking Americans. It turns out that building ballrooms, starting stupid wars and being a degenerate dumbshit with a big mouth haven’t actually done much to stop the rise of prices. The PPI went up 0.4 percent last month because that stupid war is making shit more expensive. But don’t worry, everyone. It’ll all work out and we’ll all be rich if we just give these assholes another two years in office. LOL.

More: CNBC

The Bribe Guy

How fucking desperate are Republicans? Desperate enough to try and spend more than $1 trillion on bribes. As part of his two-hour speech last night, Trump promised that if Americans just give him and his cuck party another two years, then he will give every American $5,000. As many have pointed out, we were also supposed to get tariff rebates and DOGE checks and that shit didn’t happen. Because Donald Trump is a con-artist and a liar. This will work on some people, but we think most Americans have finally had enough of this asshole’s magic beans.

More: Axios

Today’s clips

A panel of federal judges heard arguments Wednesday over whether prescribing rules should be tightened for a key drug used in the most common abortion method in the United States, one of several ongoing efforts to restrict abortion access four years after the U.S. Supreme Court allowed states to decide the issue. More: Axios

A Malibu mansion reportedly owned by actor Nicolas Cage looks a lot different after a huge sinkhole caused the driveway to collapse on Tuesday. More: HuffPost

Fred Trump III, the nephew of President Donald Trump, addressed his uncle’s unsupported claims that firefighters carried him away from a building that they feared would collapse in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. More: HuffPost

Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel’s long-running ABC show may be coming to an end after a new report alleged the network will not renew the comedian’s contract at the end of the current season. More: HuffPost

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump said Wednesday that oil prices that have surged because of the Iran war likely won’t come down until after U.S. midterm elections. More: AP