The Creep Caves
It’s Monday. There are 351 days until the midterm elections. Larry Summers needs to be canned, Greg the Gasser invades Charlotte and Epstein’s best friend freaks and folds.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can tell Greg Bovino to eat shit.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are ya? Did you have a great weekend? Oh that’s wonderful to hear. Ours was ok. Truth be told, we spent a lot of time trying to wrap our heads around Marjorie Taylor Greene trying to be less of a suckass. Our mamas didn’t raise no dumbshits, so we’re not ready to buy Marge’s conversion just yet. But we love Jamie Raskin, so we’re listening when he says this…
Hmmmmm. From Mamdani to Marjorie has a nice ring to it, but it also seems like total bullshit. We’re thoroughly enjoying the start of the MAGA Civil War, but we are far from convinced we want the retreating shitheads to come to our side. Alas, politics is about addition and not subtraction, so Marge can join us. But we have an initiation.
Here at AltMedia HQ, we have what’s known as the Conversion Stick. It’s just a regular stick we found in the backyard. But it becomes the Conversion Stick when we put some dog shit on the end of it. Basically, anyone who spent years reveling in the pain of their fellow Americans while wearing a red hat is welcome to leave that gross movement and join us. But they have to lick the poop stick first. And for people who have been kissing nasty orange ass for a decade, it should taste like pumpkin fucking pie.
So come on over, Marjorie. But lick the shit stick first. It shouldn’t be anything new to you. Also, say you’re sorry to trans kids and school shooting survivors. Or just go back to the stanky loser cult. We really don’t give a rat’s ass. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Speaking of shit, we managed to get ours together and do a Therapy Session on Friday. If you missed it, you can catch up here. More:
Thanks to the Swedes!
Thank you Kathy Fish, Leah Anderson, Jane, Canada Natalie, Rachel Hendricks, and many others for tuning into our weekly therapy session!
Note three: We don’t want to get in the habit of defending Republicans, but Trump’s smear on Thomas Massie this weekend was gnarly even for him. We’d say this should wake Republicans up, but he did this same shit to Liz Cheney and they didn’t care. More: Huff Post
Note four: The Marge stuff really is fascinating. It’s a good reminder that Trump isn’t loyal to anyone. Except Epstein. More: Mediaite
Note five: We don’t know what’s more surprising here — that Dana asked this question or that Marge gave a thoughtful answer. Anybody buying this shit? ‘Cause we’re not really in an apology-accepting kinda mood.
Note six: Marge wasn’t the only one dealing with Trump’s threats this weekend. Indiana Republicans announced they won’t go along with shithead’s redistricting scheme, so Trump unleashed the dogs on them. More: NBC News
Note seven: It’s too bad all these Republicans getting attacked by the president don’t have top-notch FBI security. Like Kash Patel’s girlfriend does. More: Mediaite
Note eight: It’s pay-walled, but it’s important. The New York Times has a deep-dive today into Trump’s weaponization of DOJ. It’s horrifying. Basically he has disabled the department except to go after people with brown skin and his enemies. Thank goodness we spent so much of the last election talking about fucking fracking. More: New York Times
Note nine: Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna are planning a press conference tomorrow with the Epstein survivors. We’re not huge fans of either of these dudes, but we sure appreciate how they have kept fighting for these women. More: NY Post
Note 10: And while we’re talking about the survivors, please watch this ad. It’s the most powerful thing you’ll see today…
Note 11: Olivia Nuzzi’s book about her and RFK is out. We sure as fuck won’t be reading it. But we were blown away that she talks about his brain worm in one of the excerpts. Oh and she also says the HHS Secretary still takes psychedelic drugs. More: The Independent
Note 12: The Republican Party is furious that Tucker Carlson is going full nazi. We’re just kidding. A handful of Republicans are fretting this stuff while Trump just endorsed Tucker. More: HuffPost
Note 13: Michelle Obama always brings the truth. Even when it makes us sad and ashamed.
Note 14: The affordability issue has Trump shook bad. Not only is he doing an event tonight with people who own McDonald’s franchises (what?), but now he’s saying he’ll meet with Mamdani. Yeah, he’s rattled big time. More: Associated Press
Note 15: Even CNBC’s top Trump buttlick is demanding the White House stop lying about falling prices. More: Mediaite
Note 16: We’re sorry, but we decided not to come up with any jokes about “blowing Bubba.” But only because they were all told this weekend. More: HuffPost
Note 17: Hey, we’re not economists, but what do you call a “quiet time” in the labor market? Because that sure doesn’t sound good.
Note 18: It probably won’t surprise y’all to know that we’re not the biggest UFC fans. But we are fans of this fighter who called out Trump for having a “Hunger Games” fight at the White House. More: Mediaite
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, it ain’t really that happy. But it sure is powerful. Trump’s goons have gone after faith leaders. Here is a faith leader giving a sermon, while he’s being arrested. We’re sure all those good Christians out there will see this and then see the light. Right?
Note 20: And on that holy note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend and are ready for another week in the crazy. Who knows who else will be licking the shit stick by Friday? Love y’all!
Summers over
We’ve always found Larry Summers to be a blowhard and an asshole who doesn’t give a shit about working people. It turns out he’s a total fucking creep too. According to the Epstein emails and the Harvard Crimson, Summers was going to Epstein for advice on how to woo a woman he was mentoring. Yes, that is gross. It gets even worse when you read the correspondence. It turns out Summers was emailing Epstein right up until his second arrest. The best part? Summers was just lecturing the Crimson and Harvard students about their “moral bankruptcy” over boycotting Israel. The worst part? Summers is still teaching undergrads. More: The Crimson
Sending love to Charlotte
Greg “the Gasser” Bovino and his gang of tiny-weinered thugs have moved from Chicago to Charlotte, spreading their unique brand of fear and trolling. If you’re like us, you were wondering why these dickless dirtbags are fucking with Charlotte. Well, Bolts Mag has you covered. Apparently North Carolina’s major counties elected Black sheriffs, and that hasn’t sat too well with the usual assholes. We’re sending love to Charlotte and their sheriff. Record everything and show the world. More: CNBC
The Creep Caves
Trump is not doing well. He has been lashing out nonstop at his own party over the Epstein stuff, and then last night he finally broke and caved. Trump said Republicans in Congress should vote this week to release the files, probably because they were going to vote that way anyway. But also, they don’t have to vote to get Trump to release the files. He could just fucking release them. We all know he’s been doctoring them anyway. Whatever is in that shit has him spooked big time, and it’s clearly wrecking what’s left of his brain. Between the survivors’ press conference tomorrow and the vote, it’s going to be a big week for justice. Let’s see who’s on the good side. More: NPR
Today’s clips
A powerful atmospheric river had mostly moved through California after causing at least six deaths and dousing much of the state, but lingering thunderstorms brought the risk of mudslides in areas of Los Angeles County that were recently ravaged by wildfire. More: Associated Press
O.J. Simpson‘s estate agreed to pay nearly $58 million to Ron Goldman’s father, decades after the former NFL star was acquitted of murdering him and Simpson’s ex-wife. More: NBC News
60 Minutes reported President Donald Trump pardoned Changpeng Zhao, the founder and former boss of the Binance cryptocurrency exchange, after Zhao “enriched” the Trump family by helping with its push into crypto. More: Mediaite
CBS News’s Margaret Brennan pressed a Democratic lawmaker a pointed question Sunday about whether his party was using the Epstein files to distract from their failure to secure more affordable health care for Americans. More: Mediaite
Tim Dillon this weekend pulled no punches with his opinion of where Donald Trump and his presidency are at right now. More: HuffPost
 | A guest post by
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No, no, no, no and NO. MTG is not changing. She’s just opportunistic. Trumpy didn’t give her what she wanted (Speakership, VP, a hayroll, public backing, whatev), and her fellow MAGA Congresspeeps don’t seem to like her, so…she’s going solo. And to do that, she needs suckers on the Dem side to buy her new pitch. Don’t fall for it! I’m still upset with Raskin over his comments (I think to Terry Moran in a recent interview…saying that Lauren Boebert was a good friend and that she’s a “pretty wonderful person.” Boebert, really? Ok, I’ll stop now. I could rant on every topic you wrote about, for hours. :) or :(
Can a leopard really change their spots? I think not! MTG is still MTG and her current splash could just be political theatre... Is she ever going to get in "our" line? Nosiree... she has already made it clear that the line she is in and hoping to lead is the "America First and Only" line, which excludes a lot of Americans. She wants the promise of the original MAGA and she wants delivery on those promises. So, you want to know what she's up to? Go back and look at the original MAGA promises and you will find which line she is in and where she is headed. She's hoping to recover the "middle of the roaders" who might lean towards what she's selling, and that's all.