The Big Fugly Bill

It’s Wednesday. There are 496 days until the midterm elections. America hates the Big Fugly bill, Trump bombs at bombing and an earthquake in Gotham.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It dirty dances too.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, we haven’t talked nearly enough about the Big Fugly Bill that Trump and his congressional hemorrhoids are trying to ram through. It is a devastating piece of legislation that would enshrine the wish-list of the lunatic right into law. It’s such a stank-ass piece of shit that they can’t even deny it. So instead they are just straight up lying about it…

Bullshit. Double bullshit. Triple bullshit with a bullshit cherry on top. In fact, this is so egregious that we created our own AltMedia Fact-checking Machine. We fed it Liddle Johnson’s remarks about Medicaid and smoke started pouring out of it before it printed out a little card that just said “THIS WEIRD LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS.” Suffice it to say the machine works. Or it did before it exploded because that was such an obvious and insulting lie. Liddle Johnson owes us a new one.

Anyway, there is a lot going on right now — war with Iran, war with Los Angeles, war with reality — but we need to raise some hell over this garbage bill. Call your senators. Tell them the big fugly bill is extra fugly and they are too if they don’t fight like crazy to stop it. If they don’t know what the means, just tell them it combines the words fucking and ugly. If they still don’t get it, you called a Republican. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Anthony Weiner’s comeback fell short last night. We know y’all are as sad as we are (not!), but at least we got to say a weiner fell short. More: Syracuse.com

Note three: We want to send a giant THANK YOU to Rep. Kim Schrier for absolutely blasting RFK Jr. to hell and back yesterday and making sure he knows that she “will lay all responsibility for every death from a vaccine-preventable illness at your feet.” This is how you do it. More: HuffPost

Note four: Our long national nightmare is over as the doge is neutered and Big Balls is out. Gosh. Nobody is ever gonna think of us as a smart country ever again, are they? More: Wired

Note five: We’ll be honest — we forgot Mitch McConnell was still alive. It was pretty great. Now we see he’s a big booster of Trump’s big fugly bill. So he’s alive and still sucking.

Note six: Big news out of New Hampshire last night as Democrat Billie Butler won a special election for the statehouse. Call this another fail for Republican transphobia and another win for Democrats. More: Yahoo

Note seven: Purple Heart recipients are now self-deporting while Stephen Miller stays here. That seems really fucked up and backwards to us. More: NPR

Note eight: Remember when we won the Wisconsin state Supreme Court and humiliated the shit out of Elon Leon? Well we also might have saved some lives. More: Associated Press

Note nine: Rep. Delia Ramirez honored Puerto Rican hip-hop star Bad Bunny yesterday. We approve this message. (social media)

Note 10: A Norwegian tourist was reportedly denied entry to the United States because he had this on his phone. So whatever you do, don’t share it with literally everyone you know. Also we’re sorry for whatever damage this might have done to your eyes and sanity.

Note 11: So here’s a big question — why the fuck is Trump’s Justice Department protecting child molesters? More: KUOW

Note 12: House Democrats helped Republicans kill an effort to impeach Trump yesterday. Sigh. Thanks for trying, Rep. Al Green. More: Associated Press

Note 13: This is so fucking funny. Fed Chairman Jerome Powell said yesterday that they had planned to lower interest rates until Trump started playing his stupid tariff games. LOL! More: NPR

Note 14: RIP to Bobby Sherman. He was a little before our time, but we respect his game. More: Associated Press

Note 15: We’re gonna talk about Trump’s bombing bullshit in the news section, but we wanted to show you just how much he is absolutely losing it over the news that he didn’t take out the nuke program in Iran.

Note 16: Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker is announcing he will run for a third term this week. Don’t worry. He’ll still probably run for president. More: NBC Chicago

Note 17: If either of us are picked in the NBA draft tonight, there will be no newsletter tomorrow. So there will be a newsletter tomorrow. More: NBC News

Note 18: America is a such a fucked up place right now. A player for the Arizona Diamondbacks had to be consoled on the field last night after a fan made comments about his dead mom. Get your shit together, America. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re talking New York’s mayoral primary and Brad Lander. Lander and Mamdani cross-endorsed in the run-up to the election, and we have learned so much about what a great dude Lander is. We also really like the way he talks…

Note 20: And on that perfectly articulated note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far and you’re not as cranky as our idiot president. We also hope you make some calls to stop the big fugly bill. Then we’ll move on to stopping the big fugly politicians. Love y’all!

It’s that fucking fugly
We are staying on this today because we need to. In addition to being a really shitty piece of legislation that Republicans keep lying about, the big fugly bill is also enormously unpopular with Americans. Just look at this polling! If Republicans pass this thing, they’re gonna have a rough November next year.

Ruh-roh
Donald Trump isn’t very good at a lot of stuff, and now you can add bombing Iran to the list of things he sucks at. According to Trump’s own intel agencies, the bombing on Iran failed to end the country’s nuclear program and instead only delayed it for a few months. You can guess how Trump is responding to this news. Using the pilots who flew the mission as a human shield, Trump is on the warpath against the news organizations who reported this inconvenient truth. It’s so fucking embarrassing seeing this moron on the world stage at the NATO summit in the Netherlands ranting like a furious dumbfuck. He even compared the bombing in Iran to Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Dumbfuck! More: The Guardian

Whoa
So there was a big damn message sent in New York City last night, and the old guard of the Democratic Party is on notice. Assemblymember Zohran Mamdani beat serial sexual harasser Andrew Cuomo like a goddamn drum in the Democratic primary. We knew Mamdani had a good shot, but we were stunned that it was over so early and so definitively that Cuomo called and conceded. The right-wing is already attacking Mamdani as a “jihadist” and “terrorist sympathizer” and you know it’s only going to get worse as he faces off against Eric Adams’ independent bid. We’ve seen a lot of accusations thrown at Mamdani in the last few weeks, but we haven’t seen a lot of proof. The fact that Brad Lander and so many other NYC Jews are with Mamdani tells us a lot about who he really is, and we are fully behind him this November. Also, we want to say thank you to the women who survived Cuomo’s harassment and courageously reminded New Yorkers who he really is. Buh-bye, Andrew. More: NBC New York

Today’s clips
U.S. Rep. LaMonica McIver is set to be arraigned on federal charges Wednesday, accused of assaulting and interfering with immigration officers outside a New Jersey detention center during a congressional oversight visit at the facility. She has said she plans to fight the charges. More: ABC News

Candace Owens hammered President Donald Trump in an interview with Piers Morgan on Tuesday, decrying his handling of the conflict between Israel and Iran and his decision to bomb the latter’s nuclear facilities. More: Mediaite

Critics called out President Donald Trump after he posted a music video celebrating this weekend’s attack on Iran just hours after he bragged about being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for arranging a ceasefire in the Middle East. More: HuffPost

With a pair of bears on the loose, police were called and a firearms unit dispatched to the wildlife park in southwest England.

But the panic was quickly quelled when Mish and Lucy were found fast asleep in the honey store Monday, having eaten a week's worth of stocks of the sweet treat at Wildwood Devon. More: NBC News

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