Tesla tanking

It’s Wednesday. There are 601 days until the midterm elections. Eggs are damn expensive, Trump does a car commercial and Trump kills Johnny Hopkins.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’ll stop when we stop being fucked.

Note: Sexy Patriots, we’ve got a problem. We keep getting sold out by white dude politicians. Whether it’s John Fetterman looking like at least three characters from the Addams Family and saying he’ll vote for Republican cuts or Jared Golden voting for the House Republican bill even as Trump attacks Maine, we are damn disappointed. And then there’s Gavin Newsom…

Seriously, Gavin? This is pretty gross, asshole. But it gets worse. We actually got the transcript of Newsom’s next podcast, which features the QAnon Shaman. Here’s the exclusive look…

Gavin Newsom: Hey brother man! My son told me you’re totally gnarly and I had to have you on the pod!

QAnon Shaman: Dude, what are you doing?

Newsom: Just bringing people together, brother love. Bridging the gap. Aren’t I open-minded and presidential?

QAnon Shaman: Buddy, you’re never going to be president. You're kissing nazi ass and you think Democrats are gonna nominate you? I wore a helmet with goat horns and face paint while I tried to overthrow the United States government with a goddamn spear and I still think your podcast is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard of.

Newsom: Bruh, no way! Let’s bust out the hacky sack and have a convo sesh.

QAnon Shaman: I’m gonna go.

Yikes. Even the trashy dumbfuck who attempted a coup in costume has more political sense than the governor of California. Stop selling us out, bros. We all have long memories. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We don’t know how Senate Democrats are gonna vote on the Republican bill that passed the House yesterday. So let’s call them and tell them they better fucking vote no: 202-224-3151. More: HuffPost

Note three: Also, we have no idea why the hell our party is still listening to James Carville, but it needs to stop. This is embarrassing. NO LINK

Note four: The brain worm guy is exactly as stupid and dangerous as we all warned he is. Congratulations to measles. More: HuffPost

Note five: What’s more screwed up? The scary this this dude is saying or the fact that he was afraid to say it?

Note six: Trump’s poll numbers are hurting. CNN this morning has a new survey that shows orangey’s approval rating on the economy underwater at 45/54. Oops. WaPo’s Aaron Blake tells us this is the first time Trump has ever been underwater on the economy. Oh and Elon Leon is at 35/53 job approval. LOL! More: CNN

Note seven: Liddle Marco Rubio says that Ukraine has agreed to a 30-day ceasefire and if Russia doesn’t then they’ll be the ones who don’t want peace. Liddle is so close to figuring this out. We’re kidding. He’s a gutless moron. More: AP News

Note eight: Trump’s stupid steel and aluminum tariffs went into effect last night, and both Europe and Canada have already announced retaliatory measures. The stupid is just starting, y’all. More: AP News

Note nine: Well this makes our fucking blood boil. While the Trump administration is firing veterans, one of the DOGE idiots was filming fashion influencer videos filmed in the White House complex. Try to imagine how big of a scandal this would have been under Biden. More: CNN

Note 10: Peter Doocy is now the only one asking real questions. That’s how far the White House press have fallen.

Note 11: Politico has a story about how everyone already hates Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick. We’re not gonna link to it, but we thought it was funny. We also thought it was funny that one of y’all suggested we start calling Nutlick. Done! More: The Hill

Note 12: Amazon Prime is now showing the Apprentice. Bezos is really kissing some ass. And it really sucks because we just got into Mr. Mayor again. Ted Danson really is a national treasure. Unlike Bezos’s bitch ass. More: AP News

Note 13: It’s paywalled, but the New York Times is reporting that Elon Leon is offering Trump a $100 million political slush fund. So that sucks. It’s even worse when our own party’s fundraising messages make us want to throw our phones in the fucking river. More: The Independent

Note 14: Trump is trying to destroy the University of Maine because Janet Mills embarrassed him. Where the fuck are concerned Susan Colllins and Republican Lite Jared Golden? Too busy kissing orange ass to help your state? More: USA Today

Note 15: We were so happy when we got rid of Manchin and Sinema. We just didn’t see this awful motherfucker coming. Is the apocalyptic thug from Weird Science really calling us “undignified?” (Maybe the most obscure pop culture reference we’ve ever made.)

Note 16: Big news this morning as Sen. Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire says she’s not running for reelection next year. So our map just got harder to defend. More: WMUR

Note 17: Anybody else excited for March Madness? We could really use the distraction. More: USA Today

Note 18: We sure as hell ain’t linking to it, but Politico has a story about how Rahm Emanuel wants to run for president. And we thought the Stephen A. Smith talk was stupid. No thanks, Rahm. Go back to Japan, asshole. NO LINK

Note 19: Our Happy Ending today ain’t so happy. It is, rather, just a wild example of Rick Wilson’s long held theory that Everything Trump Touches Dies. Just weeks after playing golf with Trump and then appearing at his bullshit Black History Month event, Tiger Woods has ruptured his achilles, and we’re guessing he will never play competitive golf again. Great going, Trump. More: Golf.com

Note 20: And on that semi-tragic note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week and not inviting nazi fuckheads on your podcast. Love y’all!

Trump take eggs

All the msm headlines today are about how inflation eased a bit in Trump’s first month. But they should be about how much fucking eggs cost! According to the Consumer Price Index, the price of eggs jumped 10.4 percent last month while Trump was going to the Super Bowl and NASCAR races and playing golf. According to the AP, eggs are almost 60 percent more expensive now than they were a year ago. But thank goodness Trump is focused on letting a South African billionaire wreck America.

More: Beloit Daily News

No thanks

With Elon Leon’s Tesla sales tanking, Trump did his best yesterday to bail out his weird asshole buddy, hosting several Teslas on the White House driveway and even sitting in one as he acted like he was the first person to ever see an automobile. Trump said he hopes the stock prices doubles because he endorsed Tesla. All in all, it was pretty fucking gross to see Trump use our White House to help his scumbag friend sell cars. Especially when found out later that Elon Leon is offering Trump that $100 million slush fund.

More: Business Insider, NBC

Do it for Johnny!

Not only is Donald Trump the first U.S. president to surrender to Moscow, he’s also gonna be the guy who killed the United States’ world-renowned university and research systems. Johns Hopkins University, facing $800 million cuts from Trump and the South African, is going to start laying people off and ending research projects. This is just the start as Trump eyes destroying all of the nation’s great universities. We used to lead the world. And now we’re just a joke. RIP, Johnny Hopkins. And fuck you, Donald Trump.

More: Johns Hopkins News-Letter

Today’s clips

Colorado is asking a federal judge in Denver to reject the U.S. Justice Department’s statement of interest in the case of former Mesa County Clerk Tina Peters. In its filing, the state writes that the DOJ intervention has no legitimate basis and is a “grotesque attempt to weaponize the rule of law.” More: CPR

The Department of Education initiated mass layoffs on Tuesday night, reducing its workforce by nearly 50%, sources told ABC News. More: ABC

The law firm Perkins Coie is suing the Trump administration, alleging that a recent executive order targeting the firm is unconstitutional and aims to punish it for representing clients and causes that are opposed to the administration. More: NPR

Republican Rep. Keith Self of Texas abruptly adjourned a subcommittee meeting after he caught flak for repeatedly misgendering Rep. Sarah McBride (D-Del.), the first openly transgender member of Congress and a frequent target of right-wing bullies. More: HuffPost