Stick a fork in him

It’s Monday. There are 43 days until the general election. Team Trump says he’s too old to campaign more, Mark Robinson’s campaign ain’t doing so great and the DC press are just broken.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But that’s nothing compared to all the sick shit happening in politics right now.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots. We’re gonna try something a little different today. Normally we use this space to point out the latest shocking and often hilarious crime against humanity or furniture either Trump or one of his fellow Republicans has perpetrated. But today we want to focus on how fucking awesome our nominee is. Seriously. Just watch this walk-up to the cameras…

Damn right. She’s in command. She knows it. We know it. And you can bet your hot ass that Trump knows it. She walks right at the press demanding another debate with Trump. Because she fucked him up royally at the last one. And that ain’t all. She consolidated the support of the entire Democratic party in a day. She blasted away every fundraising record known to man. She picked a running mate that we all freaking adore. And she has actually GROWN her favorability rating to positive territory since she started running for president, which is totally freaking unheard of.

Put another way, Kamala Harris is running the best presidential campaign we have ever seen, and it’s not particularly close. We have miles to go before we sleep and we ain’t won a damn thing yet, but let’s not forget to take some time to appreciate what we’re watching. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The flipside to the unprecedented successes of the Harris campaign is the laughable but alarming lack of campaign infrastructure from Trumpland. It’s almost like he’s planning to just cheat. More: AP News

Note three: It looks like MAGA Mike Johnson is caving like the punk that he is, and we will avert a shutdown. Instead we’re probably gonna be dealing with a shutdown and the debt ceiling around Christmas, which is also Trump’s coup season. So yeah, Republicans have declared a war on Christmas and common sense and everyone’s sanity. More: CNBC

Note four: Something we forgot to mention from that awesome NBC poll yesterday — Project 2025 has a 4 percent favorable rating. That’s not a typo. It has a 57 percent unfavorable rating. We’ll be honest — if you’d told us you could get Americans to pay this much attention to a policy platform that you could get them to actively hate it, we would’ve said that’s a fool’s errand. We’re glad we would have been wrong. America knows about Project 2025. And America hates Project 2025. More: NBC

Note five: How is it possible that rumors of having sex with couches were the least embarrassing thing to happen to this hapless asshat since he joined the ticket?

Note six: Trump says he won’t run again in 2028 if he loses. On the one hand, he lies about everything. On the other hand, let’s all hope this is true because he’ll be in prison. More: Axios

Note seven: We haven’t seen it yet, but everyone is telling us we need to see “From Russia with Lev,” which Rachel Maddow produced. More: MSNBC

Note eight: Ukrainian President Zelenksy is visiting the US, and he’s supposed to meet with President Biden and Vice President Harris while he’s in DC. It’s amazing how long that dude has held the line against Russia. Truly a historical figure. More: The Hill

Note nine: Our hearts are simply too fragile to handle this Janet Jackson saga. First, she’s using Trump talking points to attack Harris, then she apologizes and then it turns out the apology wasn’t authorized. Damnit, Miss Jackson, get it together. More: Variety

Note 10: There are a million reasons we can’t lose this race. But one of them would be the unrelenting shame of losing to the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet…

Note 11: We’re glad to see NPR picking up this story. Elon Leon Musk is fucking up a lot of America, but what he’s doing to Memphis is really messed up. We freaking love Memphis. More: NPR

Note 12: We already know the answer to this, but have you checked your voter registration status? Do you have a plan to vote? Does your state offer early voting? How many friends are you taking with you?

Note 13: Sen. Raphael Warnock read Mark Robinson to filth yesterday. He called him “white supremacy in blackface.” Damn. More: NBC

Note 14: Thank you to Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer for calling out Trump’s “deranged” rants about women from this weekend. We wish more people were talking about this. More: The Hill

Note 15: We’re starting to think Jason Sudeikis might be an actual Ted Lasso. BELIEVE. Also, where can we get one of them cool shirts?

Note 16: Trump is going to Georgia Tuesday. His campaign says he will focus on tax policy. But we all know he ain’t gonna focus on tax policy. He’s gonna whine, and lie and say a bunch of crazy shit. It’s what he does. More: WJCL

Note 17: It is fucking infuriating watching Lindsey Graham run his coup errands for Trump on goddamn Meet the Press. They’re cheating right in front of our faces! More: Politico

Note 18: You know what happens when you wreck education? You send out ballots that say “Tom Walz.” Fucking idiots. Good job, Florida! More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just want to say thanks. Not just for joining us at this weird cussing newsletter, but for giving a shit about the stuff that matters and fighting for the stuff that’s important. There’s nobody we’d rather be in this fight with than you. Let’s kick some ass, SPs.

Note 20: And on that motivational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have an awesome week ahead. And we hope Trump doesn’t. Because that guy really sucks. Love y’all!

Whoa!

Y’all aren’t gonna believe this. Since we already know that a candidate’s age and ability to do the job are the most important qualifications for the presidency then get ready for the press to go nuts this week. Because yesterday Axios and way-too-insider Mike Allen reported that someone on Trump’s campaign told them that Trump isn’t campaigning as much this time because he’s older and prefers to be at his country club. So that’s huge fucking news, right? RIGHT?! Well it turns out the press largely ignored this rather stunning admission because they have basically given up when it comes to Trump.

More: Axios

Stick a fork in him

Mark Robinson’s campaign isn’t doing so hot. It turns out there are some ramifications for going on a porn message board and calling yourself a “Black NAZI” and talking about how you enjoy your sister’s wife peeing on you. Yikes. So yeah, yesterday Robinson’s general consultant, campaign manager, deputy campaign manager and finance director all resigned. So they were cool with the Holocaust denial and saying women shouldn’t be able to vote, but this was a bridge too far? Late last night, news broke that convicted felon and fraudster Jack Burkman will be managing the campaign. So yeah, things are looking up.

More: Axios

Yikes

We’ve known for a while that the press has lost its way, but this Olivia Nuzzi saga has really revealed some fucked up shit. The same press corps that berates Kamala Harris for not giving them interviews apparently thinks it’s fine for a reporter to have an affair with a married candidate while writing about the other candidates. No, that is certainly not fine. It’s unethical as all hell. Today Ben Smith, the founder of Semafor, has a piece out telling us that it’s no biggie that Nuzzi was hooking up with RFK Jr. because British reporters do it all the time. Fucking seriously?! The idea that people who think this is wrong are being sexist or prudes is idiotic. It’s as unethical as it gets, and we’re learning a lot about a press corps that claims to have grown and learned since “But her emails.” Let’s not forget these are the same assheads sitting on Trump’s leaked emails.

More: The Wrap

Today’s clips

Hezbollah fired over 100 rockets early Sunday across northern Israel, with some landing near the city of Haifa, as Israel launched hundreds of strikes on Lebanon. A Hezbollah leader declared an “open-ended battle” was underway as both sides appeared to be spiraling closer toward all-out war. More: HuffPost

The man charged in connection with an apparent assassination attempt against Donald Trump in Florida this month dropped off a box at a person’s home that included a letter that declared, "This was an assassination attempt," a court document revealed Monday. More: NBC