So much for free markets

It’s Monday. There are 330 days until the midterm elections. About that free market BS, Trump loves drug dealers and another damn farm bailout.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it didn’t fuck up the Kennedy Center.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the hell are ya? How was your weekend? Getting ready for the holidays? Yeah, us too. But we don’t mind admitting that President Krampus has really cast a pall over our usual holiday spirit. It’s like Santa ate your milk and cookies and then killed a reindeer with his bare hands in your living room before taking a dump on your pillow.

But it is imperative that we all find and hold onto our holiday joy. Because fuck that non-jolly orange asshole. In that spirit, we thought we’d start off today’s newsletter with something happy before we get to all the evil, awful shit…

Oh hell yeah!!! Now it’s a party! God they look like they’re having fun, don’t they? And in this economy! We want to thank Maxwell “Frosty” Frost for reminding us all that resistance can be fun and nobody can steal our joy unless we let them.

So this holiday season, when the Grinch and his couch-fucking little puppy piss you off or break your poor heart, fire up the iTunes and host your own Maxwell Frost dance party. Because life is too short to let miserable fascist fucks ruin your holidays. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: LOLOL!!! ProPublica found some mortgage fraud, and you’ll never guess from who. Ok you will. More: Propublica

Note three: We are super furious at Hollywood these days, but One Battle After Another and Sinners really were that good and we hope they win everything. More: HuffPost

Note four: Colin Allred has ended his Senate campaign and decided to try and get back in the House. We think the world of Colin and hope this is the right move for him and for Texas Democrats. More: NBC

Note five: This is how leaders lead at this moment. Thanks, Zo!

Note six: U.S. Sen. John Hickenlooper is getting a primary challenge. We don’t know enough about Colorado to know how worried he should be, but we do know that centrists who haven’t fought like hell shouldn’t be surprised if they find themselves with some competition. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Pretend to be shocked when you hear that Trump ain’t winning his dumbass trade war. More: NBC

Note eight: This week we find out if Indiana Senate Republicans will cave to Trump and redraw their maps. That state doesn’t deserve such a great college football team if they’re just going to be Trump’s wimps. More: AP News

Note nine: Russia is very happy with Trump’s new national security strategy. He should be. He wrote it. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Tom Cotton couldn’t stop referring to Trump as Bush yesterday. Yeah, we see the murderous and dim-witted similarities too.

Note 11: Don Jr. is a scumbag. We don’t even need to dress it up with a bunch of creative cuss words. He’s a scumbag. Period. More: HuffPost

Note 12: Trump got very angry this weekend that corrupt Democrat Henry Cuellar, who Trump pardoned last week, isn’t switching parties. It’s almost like all these pardons are corrupt as all hell. More: NBC

Note 13: We know everyone is ready to check out for the year, but we’ve somehow still got more elections! More: Bolts Mag

Note 14: We almost feel sorry for the rubes who thought Trump would only go after criminals. But then we see that ICE has arrested 75,000 with no criminal records and we say fuck those rubes. More: NBC

Note 15: Our response to MTG appearing on 60 Minutes last night is slightly nicer than Trump’s, but we still say boo-fucking-hoo.

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Note 16: Here’s a tip for any aspiring politicians out there. If the whole world things you’re a weird creep who has sex with furniture, then maybe cool it with the dick jokes and try to seem like a serious person. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Sydney Sweeny is finally ready to tell us she’s not a white supremacist. Funny how shitty box office numbers will help someone see the light. More: HuffPost

Note 18: We only became aware of Jennifer Welch a couple months ago, but we are digging her vibe and her no-fear cussing style. Everywhere you look, Democrats are putting on battle gear. Well, almost everywhere. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to a Sunday news show. We know. We can’t believe it either. But we wanted to take a second to praise Rep. Ilhan Omar, who has responded to truly despicable and dangerous attacks from the president of the United States with courage and clarity. We’re happy to be in the party of Omar and not the party of gross racist attacks against her. More: Mediaite

Note 20: And on that righteous note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend. And if not, you can make up for it today by having a Maxwell Frost dance party in your kitchen. Shake what your mama gave ya. Love y’all!

Note 21: BONUS NOTE! Check out Limpin’ Sam’s limp holiday decorations!!!

The party of free markets
So Trump’s friends who bought Paramount are now launching a hostile takeover of Warner Bros. MAGA doesn’t want Netflix to own the media giant, so they’re using their friends at the White House to help them cheat and buy the corporation that owns, among other things, CNN. It has been reported that Trump already had conversations with the Ellisons about which CNN anchors he wants gone. Last night at that Kennedy Center bullshit, Trump flat out told reporters he will be “involved” in whatever merger goes through. Adding a wrinkle to the whole shit sandwich, Trump is now furious at Paramount over the 60 Minutes interview with MTG, so who knows if they still have favored status with King Shithead in this whole mess. Regardless, none of this is good for consumers or democracy.

More: HuffPost, Forbes

The Cankles Cartel
Donald Trump claims to really hate drugs. But man he sure loves drug dealers. Yeah, the asshat who is ready to go to war with Venezuela over drugs they’re not smuggling has pardoned or granted clemency to more than 100 drug traffickers. This is like if Dubya was smoking weapons of mass destruction while invading Iraq. We’re really hoping White House reporters will ask more hard questions about this obvious hypocrisy, but we also know which hand gets full faster if you hope in one and shit in the other.

More: Washington Post

Freaking farmers
Aside from the lying, the cruelty and the dumbfuckery, Trump’s second term has been pretty different from his first term. But it looks like one consistency will be a gigantic taxpayer bailout for farmers who have been wrecked by an idiot president’s idiotic policies. According to the AP, Trump is preparing to ask Congress for a $12 billion farm bailout package. Now we know what you’re thinking — why doesn’t he just get that money off the “tariff shelf?” Well that’s because the tariff shelf isn’t a real thing. The same is also true of the $20 trillion in investments we’re all supposed to be so happy about. No, Trump fucked up everything with his stupid tariffs and now we all have to bail out the farmers. Again. Even though they fucking voted for this shit.

More: AP News

Today’s clips
The Trump administration’s push to expand control over independent federal agencies comes before a sympathetic Supreme Court that could overturn a 90-year-old decision limiting when presidents can fire board members. More: AP News

Republicans in key battleground U.S. House districts are working to contain the political fallout that may come when thousands of their constituents face higher bills for health insurance coverage obtained through the Affordable Care Act. More: AP News

Jared Kushner’s investment company Affinity Partners is involved in Paramount’s hostile takeover bid for Warner Bros Discovery, Axios reported Monday, citing a regulatory filing. More: HuffPost

Palantir co-founder Joe Lonsdale is pushing for the return of public hangings for violent criminals as part of an effort to bring back “masculine leadership.” More: HuffPost

Bruna Ferreira, the mother of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt’s nephew, said she “made a mistake” by “trusting” her in-laws after she was arrested by ICE and cast by the administration as a “criminal” and absent parent. More: Mediaite

President Donald Trump said he is “disappointed” with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who he said had not read the latest plan to end Russia’s war. More: NBC