Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it can spell Maine.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we lost our temper yesterday. And we’re not even a little sorry. We are not yet through Natalie Week and we’re already seeing chickenshit Democratic consultants’ genitals shrivel up and fall off because they’re worried this was below the belt. To those consultants, we say eat shit, fuck off and kiss our asses. We ain’t doing the high road anymore. And we don’t care if that makes things weird for you and your friend Scott Jennings…
Boo-fucking-hoo, Axe. The more we watch people like Axlerod and Rahm, the more shocked we are that Barack Obama had any success at all with such gutless centrists holding him back. Well fuck that and fuck them. This is a new world. It’s a world of monsters and Epstein Island and dead little Iranian girls. It’s a world where Renee Good and Alex Pretti get murdered in the street by masked government thugs. It’s a world far outside of a CNN studio, and it’s a scary goddamn place. We need our people to fight. And we need them to be able to fight without taking shit from their own pearl-clutching side on cable news.
So Axe, either get on board or shut the fuck up. Our party is demanding fighters because we are in a fight for the very soul of our nation. If that feels a little icky, well, too bad. We frankly don’t give a damn if your next beltway cocktail party is a little awkward of if you just go fuck off and shit in your hat. This here is a fighting party, and the wimps can see themselves out. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We know we’ve been absolute assholes about doing therapy. We’ve been squeezing in summer and getting ready to go back to school, and we’re sorry. So we’re planning a big one for tomorrow. We’ll keep you posted!
Note three: Human garbage Elon Leon Musk has now decided that the scum who murdered George Floyd should be freed. Remember when people weren’t sure if the nazi salute guy was a racist? More: WOWT
Note four: Michael Cohen is back with Trump. This is why we can’t trust former Trumpers or shit-eating scumbags. More: Politico
Note five: Susan Collins really did misspell Maine in a fundraising email. Yikes.
Note six: Natalie Harp is the gatekeeper to the president of the United States and she didn’t even have a goddamn security clearance. More: MS Now
Note seven: We’ve always known that Randy Fine is a scumbag. But we didn’t know he was the kind of scumbag who roots through people’s mailboxes. Seems like the kind of dude who has definitely stolen women’s underwear from a laundromat. More: HuffPost
Note eight: U.S. Airman Jason Watson isn’t afraid, and he isn’t stopping. This is the kind of courage we think of when we think of what makes this country great. Thank you, Jason! More: The Hill
Note nine: If we had a real president and a real news media, then you might know that your fellow Americans in Hawaii have been going through hell. We’re sending love and aloha. Y’all hang in there! More: The Guardian
Note 10: Gayle King really, really sucks. Democrats going on CBS need to know they are going on a GOP channel, and they should prep accordingly.
Note 11: Jon Ossoff went on tv last night and said “no one cares” about all the whining out of the White House. We might have developed a bit of a man-crush here. More: HuffPost
Note 12: We’re not super smart about the bond market, but we know this shit ain’t good. More: NBC News
Note 13: We’re not saving this for the Happy Ending because it was getting repetitive, but congrats to Rosie on her ratings bonanza. This will make Trump crap ketchup.
Note 14: LOL. You’ll never believe it, but the MyPillow asshole is crashing out. Is he the only person in history who was probably cooler and smarter when he was smoking crack? More: NBC News
Note 15: It really should be a bigger deal that the president of the United States is trying to put an American man in prison for 10 years based on a very, very obvious lie. More: NBC News
Note 16: Sean Duffy is worried what would happen to his daughter at Harvard. Yeah, it ain’t like the family-friendly den of horrors that is Fox News. More: HuffPost
Note 17: We love that Trump wants to be Mr. Data Center. When is he going to build some around Mar-a-Lago?
Note 18: Will we follow LeBron to Philly? The DNC has narrowed down its choices for the 2028 convention, and City of Brotherly Love is on there next to Boston and Denver. More: AP
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to wish all the teachers, parents and students a happy Back-to-School season. We hope y’all have a great school year. And since Sam’s late mother was a PE teacher, we just absolutely love this…
Note 20: And on that fun but slightly traumatizing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having an amazing week. Unless you’re a Democratic strategist who hates Democrats. Then you can just fuck right off. Love y’all!
Secretary Mrs. Hegseth
We have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that Pete Hegseth doesn’t seem to be in charge at the Pentagon. The bad news is that Pete Hegseth doesn’t seem to be in charge at the Pentagon. The New York Times has a story about the “bonkers” role that Jennifer Hegseth plays in her husband’s job. As fucked up as this is, we can’t blame her for this asshole being out campaigning while he’s losing a war and murdering little girls. But it sure is fucked up!
More: New York Times, The Independent
$40 Trillion
Yesterday, the U.S. national debt hit $40 trillion. On the same day, the president of the United States took the press on a tour of all the remodeling he’s doing at the White House. He even took a minute to install some gold coins and his signature on the new helipad. So yeah, the same dumbfuck who let a drugged out South African take a chainsaw to our federal government in the name of savings is now spending money like its water as the debt hits records and it gets more expensive for the rest of us to borrow. What kind of idiot country would believe that Republicans give a damn about spending?
More: AP
Six Sucky Months
Remember that war we won? Well it’s been going on for almost six months. And an increasingly delusional and desperate president is running out of tough talking Truth Social posts to convince Americans that he knows what he’s doing. His latest idea is “economic D-Day” that will supposedly isolate and cripple Iran financially. Sure, bro. As long as you don’t count North Korea, China and Russia. Trump fucked up big time, and he has not idea how to un-fuck up so this might go on for a while. Our military deserves better. We all do.
More: WJCL
Today’s clips
Former Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) reportedly had his phone seized by FBI agents at San Francisco’s airport Saturday as the White House released old investigative files. More: Raw Story
NEW YORK (AP) — A rise in oil prices on Thursday is sending worries about inflation and yields in the bond market higher, erasing some of the relief the U.S. Treasury Department created the day before. A drop for Walmart following its latest profit report helped drag the U.S. stock market lower. More: AP
CHICAGO (AP) — Meta insists it has a long history of protecting its youngest customers as it defends itself against a swath of lawsuits alleging its social media empire harms children. More: AP
KHAN YOUNIS, Gaza Strip (AP) — Palestinian children who have lost limbs during the Israel-Hamas war since Oct. 7, 2023, are taking swimming lessons in Khan Younis, Gaza, through classes organized by the nonprofit Heal Palestine. More: AP
The longtime publisher of Stars and Stripes has announced his retirement, ending a decades-long career with the military newspaper as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’sPentagon moves to exert editorial control and eliminate what it asserts are “woke distractions.” More: AP
After winning the Democratic primary to represent Florida’s 25th congressional district, Rep. Jared Moskowitz (D-Fla.) didn’t thank voters or pivot to his Republican opponent in the November general election. He pivoted to Hasan Piker. More: HuffPost
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. — A Missouri judge has allowed new U.S. House districts backed by President Donald Trump to be used in the November elections, rejecting a bid by to put the Republican-friendly districts to a statewide vote of the people. More: NBC News
You nailed it again. I'm so tired of the pearl-clutching that we are seeing from the centrists. I'm with you that we need fighters who will go against the evil Trump machine. He needs to be called out on every disgusting thing he does.
Natalie Harp is deeply troubled even to want to hang out with the ogre Trump. He's raising the debt ceiling in this country so everything will be more expensive. Six more months of his fuggery seems like an eternity. He's too busy slapping his ugly mug and name on everything that it's pathetic. He loves construction let him go back to building his monstrosities and get the hell out of the white house. We hate him and his sycophants.
David Axel needs to keep his focus on his show because his take on Natalie’s name being mentioned is traditional Dem head up ass thinking. When the R’s throw shade and feces why do most Dems back off? Dingle berries.