Shutdown City, baby

It’s Wednesday. There are 398 days until the midterm elections. A Reagan judge fights for freedom, the Trump economy blows and Republicans can’t govern for crap.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it doesn’t both-sides shit like a coward.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we did it. We shut down the government. Now you might be wondering how we, the Democratic Party, could shut down the government when we don’t control any of the three branches of government. It’s a good question and someone should ask the pathetic dumbshits in the MSM. Regardless, it’s shut down, and it needs to stay that way.

It’s not lost on us that a lot of people are going to be without work. But it wasn’t lost on us when a drugged-out South African with a chainsaw was firing them either. It’s also not lost on us that the press are happy to pin this shit on us and pressure us to cave to Trump just like they have. We’d like to offer a special Fuck You to Sens. John Fetterman, Angus King and Catherine Cortez Masto for selling us out from the jump. That needs to be an end to the Democratic defections.

Because the truth is we have nothing left to lose. We might get blamed for the shutdown? Who gives a fuck?! Have you seen our poll numbers? Everyone already hates us! We’re so unpopular we lost to American Hitler. We lost to a fucking gameshow host who attacked the Capitol. Seriously, what do we have to lose by taking a real stand against a goddamn dictator?! It might tarnish the Democratic Party’s brand?! LOLOL!!! That ship has sailed and sank. So hows about we act like we actually believe all the warnings we keep giving and we throw every last grain of sand we can find into the gears of fascism?

Oh the polling isn’t great? Shut it the fuck down. Oh we’ll get blamed? Shut it the fuck down. Oh Trump actually wants this? Shut it the fuck down. Enough is enough. For months we have watched an idiot madman pillage our nation and spread his gross corruption across the globe. Now we are actually fighting for something, anything, and it needs to be a real fight. So work those phones, SPs, and don’t let any chickenshit Senate Dems get chickenshitty. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Need some therapy? Us too. We’re doing a session today at 4:30 p.m. ET/1:30 p.m. PT. Join us and let’s cuss together.

Note three: Speaking of togetherness, it was so great to see Kimmel and Colbert together last night. Thank goodness for the courage of comedians. More: NPR

Note four: But not all comedians are courageous. Some are selling us out to Saudi Arabia (Bill Burr, how could you?!). And others are Jimmy Fallon. What a fucking wuss. More: Variety, NBC News

Note five: Mike Little Johnson is busting his ass to cover up the Epstein files. Not only has he shut down the government and lied about it, but he’s also refusing to seat Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva. It’s really not hard to figure out what he’s hiding.

Note six: Just a reminder that we have elections in Virginia, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and California to win THIS November. And the polls are tightening. More: HuffPost

Note seven: When Hakeem and Schumer went to the White House yesterday, Trump had “Trump 2028” hats waiting for them. Jeffries asked the couch-fucking guy if he was ok with that. Hilarity ensued. More: HuffPost

Note eight: One of the main reasons Sam became a writer was Hunter S. Thompson. We remain big fans. And for some reason, Colorado officials are going to investigate HST’s death 20 years after it happened. What the fuck? Let the man rest. More: Mediaite

Note nine: Remember how Trump fired the actual expert who was running the Bureau of Labor Statistics? And remember how he replaced her with an idiot freakshow? Well he tried to anyway. The White House just pulled the nomination of the freakshow. More: USA Today

Note 10: This message from AOC is sooooo important. Yes, Trump is a dictator who is trying to do dictator shit. But he’s also softer than baby shit…

Note 11: ICE is assaulting journalists. Fuck ICE. More: NBC News

Note 12: The Trump administration has responded to the murder of two detainees in their custody by doing exactly jack shit. They didn’t even fucking notify the families. More: HuffPost

Note 13: We were pretty horrified by Trump’s speech to military leadership yesterday. Then we saw this part and remembered we’re dealing with a feeble fucking idiot.

Note 14: Congratulations to Chunk, the winner of the Fat Bear Week contest. We’re not shaming; we’re celebrating. And if Sam doesn’t put down the damn cookies, he’ll be competing next year. More: The Guardian

Note 15: Thank you to Rep. Madeleine Dean for calling out Mike Johnson for turning a blind eye to Trump’s racist bullshit. More: CNN

Note 16: Wait. Ted Cruz wants what?!

Note 17: Man, the new Pope is crushing it. We’re not usually the types to cheer on organized religion, but this dude sure seems to get it. More: Reuters

Note 18: Congratulations to Kamala Harris, whose new book is selling like crazy even though beltway scum told her to sit down and shut up. More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we found a good one. READING RAINBOW IS COMING BACK!!! Yeah, we are so happy to see this news because America has turned into a bunch of dumbfucks and we really need to read more. More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that literary note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week so far. And if you’re a Democratic senator, hold the fucking line. Love y’all!

Here comes the judge
Thank you to William G. Young, a judge who is probably old enough to get our Laugh In reference. Yesterday Judge Young went off on the Trump administration for attacking the rights of noncitizens who wish to criticize the war in Gaza. But our favorite part was the thorough condemnation of ICE agents wearing masks and terrorizing people. The whole thing is worth reading because the judge starts his decision with a note from a Trump-supporting lunatic and then writes the whole thing as a response. Here’s a part we wanted to share…

“ICE goes masked for a single reason—to terrorize Americans into quiescence. Small wonder ICE often seems to need our respected military to guard them as they go about implementing our immigration laws. It should be noted that our troops do not ordinarily wear masks. Can you imagine a masked marine? It is a matter of honor—and honor still matters. To us, masks are associated with cowardly desperados and the despised Ku Klux Klan. In all our history we have never tolerated an armed masked secret police.” More: Mother Jones

There go the jobs
We won’t get an official jobs report this Friday because the government is shut down and Trump just fired the guy he picked to replace the woman he fired who oversees the data. But it seems really obvious from today’s ADP numbers that Team Trump are happy to have a reason not to share the numbers. According to ADP, private employers shed 32,000 jobs last month, well below the expectations of adding 51,000 jobs. Oh and they revised the already shitty August numbers down to negative-3,000 instead of plus-54,000. So for the second time, Trump inherited a humming economy from a Democrat and promptly fucked it up. More: Yahoo Finance, Market Watch

Shutdown City
Well the federal government shut down last night at 12:01, and Mike Johnson has been working the press hard to spread the lie that it’s because Democrats want healthcare for undocumented immigrants. Johnson and VP Couchfuck hit the news shows this morning to insist that the party of DOGE is actually really upset the government is shut down but they will use it to fire more people. Again, they were already doing this. As of this morning, Schumer and Jeffries are holding firm. Let’s hope they stay that way. More: NBC News

Today’s clips
President Trump signed on Monday an executive order to provide Qatar a U.S. security guarantee with conditions similar to NATO’s Article 5, according to the text of the order published by the White House. More: Axios

Europe is in the middle of a hybrid war waged by Russia and the continent must arm itself, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen warned on Wednesday as she hosted a summit of European Union leaders in Copenhagen. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump doubled down on his AI smear campaign against House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries on Tuesday with a second doctored video cut over the Democrat’s MSNBC interview, during which he slammed an earlier deepfake as “disgusting.” More: Mediaite

Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) simultaneously offered Republicans a warning while giving Democrats something to hope for: another impeachment of President Donald Trump if the Democrats retake the House of Representatives. More: Mediaite

Read some Sexy Testimonials from some Sexy Patriots

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