She’s our hero, she’s our champion, she’s our nominee

Happy Friday! There are 74 days until the general election. Trump plans a Jan. 6 celebration, the economy is about to get a boost and MVP takes no prisoners.

Be advised: This newsletter uses bad words. But lately it has been using them joyfully.

Note: SEXY FREAKING PATRIOTS!!! How the hell are ya today? On Cloud freaking Nine and ready to make the Vice President the next President?! Well hell yeah! So are we. And while we have a lot of hard work to do to get her and Tim Walz and American decency across the finish line, we are going to take one second to celebrate a small victory over those people who worship an orange moron. Congrats, y’all — We won the celebrity battle. And it wasn’t even close.

Yeah, we know we know. People love to bag on out-of-touch liberal Hollywood and all that shit, but let’s get real — last night was fucking awesome. And while we might be alone on this, we don’t even care that you-know-who wasn’t there. Because it’s crazy who was! Did y’all see Pink crush it? And it was like that all week! Hell, Lil Jon burst through the door and it was like a normal Tuesday afternoon by that point (not really). Patti freaking LaBelle performed and it wasn’t a headline! Stevie Wonder!!! We just have better celebrities. We do. Oh look there’s Luke Skywalker. That’s right, Trump. You wish you had Luke Skywalker. But you can’t have him because you’re Darth Vader’s butthole. And Hulk Hogan can eat shit too!

We don’t care if people think that matters or not. We’re claiming the win. Because their celebrities are gross and weird and Rob Schneider (Deuce Bigalow, the “making copies” guy, probably something else) and our celebrities are awesome. And just to drive the point home, here’s the latest ad from the Harris-Walz campaign narrated by Morgan Freeman. Suck on that, Kevin Sorba, whoever the fuck you are. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Between the two of us we have done about a dozen presidential nominating conventions. And that was the best we’ve seen. Every speaker, every night, every message was perfect. We have no idea how the Vice President and her team have done all of this in a month, but we are damn excited to see what she does next and we can’t wait to help. Congratulations to the Democratic Party and to all of you on a hugely successful week. Now let’s keep it going and win this thing.

Note three: The Central Park Five were on stage at the Democratic convention last night. Goddamn right they were. More: CBS News

Note four: We want to take a second to say thank you to the late Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick’s mother and brother for going on stage and reminding America just how dangerous Trump is. We know it couldn’t have been easy for them. More: RawStory

Note five: This is the photo. If this doesn’t give you chills, you might be dead. Or a Republican.

Note six: Elizabeth Warren made a JD-has-sex-with-couches joke last night. It was early. But it was awesome. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Did y’all catch Steph Curry wearing his Gold Medal and quoting Michelle Obama and endorsing MVP last night? That dude doesn’t miss. More: The Guardian

Note eight: Have you checked your voter registration lately? It’s obvious by now that this is a big damn party, and we don’t want anyone left out.

Note nine: The New York Times actually has this as their headline this morning — “Kamala Harris Faces Challenge of Translating Convention Joy to Fall Momentum.” Seriously? What the fuck is their problem? NO LINK

Note 10: If you have any friends or relatives who are having a hard time pronouncing MVP’s name, just show them this adorable how-to video. Or just start calling her Madam President.

Note 11: The balloons were freaking awesome last night. We’re a sucker for that stuff, and it fills us with joy that Tim Walz is too. More: TPM

Note 12: How boring has Trump gotten? We’re not even putting his meltdown from last night in the news section. Basically he freaked out like you’d think he would. And by last night he was panic posting on Truth Social “I TRUST WOMEN, ALSO AND I WILL KEEP WOMEN SAFE!” Sure, asshole. Try not to mix all that ketchup with all that flop sweat. More: HuffPost

Note 13: He even called into Fox News and they were trying to figure out how to get rid of him. These next 74 days are going to be stressful and intense. But they also might be kinda hilarious.

Note 14: Whoa! Kamala Harris wasn’t the only rock star killing it last night. Pearl Jam (one of Sam’s favorite bands) did a show for Montana Sen. Jon Tester. Tester’s seat is crucial, and Trump really hates him. If you’re looking for a Senate candidate to adopt, you could do worse than the one Pearl Jam loves.

Note 15: We are TBS, and we approve of this message. Well done, kid.

Note 16: How excited are y’all for the debate now?! Yeah, we can’t freaking wait. Assuming the orange dingus has the guts to show.

Note 17: HUGE thanks to all of the great speakers last night. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but we do want to shout out Big Gretch, Mark Kelly, Adam Kinzinger and Ruben Gallego. Also, we mentioned her in the intro note, but Pink and her daughter totally wrecked us. More: HuffPost

Note 18: LOL. We almost forgot that the brain worm guy is dropping out of the race and endorsing Trump today. Because really, who gives a shit? More: AP News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to sweet home Chicago…

Note 20: And on that glorious note, let’s go do some news. It was a helluva week, SPs. And we’re so fucking proud of you and our party and our nominees. Now let’s finish the job and make some history while saving this country’s hot ass. Love y’all!

What an asshole

Donald Trump is very proud of his attack on the US Capitol. He’s so proud of it that he has boasted about pardoning the people who assaulted police and tried to end our democracy. He even wrote a new version of the National Anthem with those sick violent fuckers. So what’s he doing next? He’s holding an actual goddamn celebration with them at one of his gross country clubs. Look, we get that the press is basically afraid of him or counting on him for their next book deal, but surely this shit counts as a scandal, right? What if we tell them it’s a Democrat doing it?

More: Axios

About time

With substantial revisions to the country’s jobs data, it looks like the Fed is finally going to get off its ass and start cutting interest rates. This morning, Fed Chair Jerome Powell said rate cuts are coming, though he didn’t say when or how much. In our book, this is long overdue, and that sonofabitch has been playing with fire. But better late than never, so let’s get this economy rocking and rolling again.

More: CNN

LET’S GO!!!

Y’all, we don’t know what to say. She’s our hero, she’s our champion, she’s our nominee and she’s going to be the next President of the United States. Last night, Vice President Kamala Harris went above and beyond, absolutely crushing a must-crush speech in front of millions of Americans. While the last month has been as spectacular a demonstration of political ability as we have ever seen, the truth is there was a ton riding on last night’s speech. And the MVP delivered big time. Thank you, MVP, for the joy, the hope and the resolve we feel. We are not afraid. We are ready for this fight, and we are ready to follow Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and save this country from a bunch of assholes.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

With glitzy Mar-a-Lago fundraisers, stays at Trump’s hotels, and flights on the former president’s private jet, Republican candidates and political groups are on track to spend more on Trump’s businesses this year than any year since 2016, according to a CNN analysis of federal campaign finance data. More: CNN

Former MMA fighter Ronda Rousey has apologized for sharing a Sandy Hook conspiracy theory 11 years ago on X, then Twitter, saying, "I’ve regretted it every day of my life since." More: NBC