Senate Democrats are pissing off Trump (and making us smile)

Today’s Big Stuff. November 20, 2024.

It’s Wednesday. There are 712 days until the midterm elections. Senate Democrats are pissing off Trump (and making us smile), America is sick and about to get way sicker and Texas offers a psycho helping hand. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We also caught it chucking eggs at Mar-a-Lago.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we almost did it. We almost wrote a TBS Intro that was so far over the line that it would have gotten us canceled. And we really thought about it. But ulimately we concluded the world didn’t need a graphic description of what it would look and smell like if America decided that Nancy Mace should be our national toilet. It was fun to write though.

Instead, we thought we’d explain why this shit makes us so angry. Imagine America as a high school cafeteria. We like to be the people who see a new kid or someone who might feel like they’re different and say “Yo! Come sit by us!” And then we like to be the kind of people who sound the alarm about the dude putting meth in the mashed potatoes (RFK Jr.) and the weird kid with his pants around his ankles making passionate love to the salad bar (JD Vance). 

But mostly we don’t want to be the shitty mean girl who bullies other people because she’s secretly insecure about her fugly soul, her offensive odor and the fact that she can’t read. No, instead we shall bully the bullies. So fuck it. From now on, everybody poop and pee on Nancy Mace. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Do you have any idea how pissed off we have to be about this Mace shit that we wrote about that instead of Dr. Oz drinking his own pee?! That’s like one of our favorite things to make fun of and we’d totally forgotten about it! PatriotTakes on Bluesky

Note three: Also, if you want to know how Democrats and Sarah McBride have responded to Mace’s crap, then check this out. It’s actually pretty damn inspiring. You’ll need to enter your email address to read it. More: NOTUS

Note four: Speaking of Just Disappeared (JD) Vance, he resurfaced yesterday to tweet and delete an attack on one of Steve Bannon’s producers after she attacked Vance for skipping his job as a U.S. Senator. We still think he got his weiner stuck in a couch. More: Politico

Note five: It made us smile to hear that Vice President Harris is taking a vacation in Hawaii. She sure earned it. And she’s ready to break more ties in the Senate whenever she’s needed. More: NBC News

Note six: We know it’s serious and seriously scary that Trump wants to put a child rapist at the Department of Justice, but we also can’t stop laughing after remembering this summer when Gaetz OD’ed on botox. Adam Parkhomenko on BlueSky

Note seven: Trump is nominating Linda McMahon to be Education Secretary. It’s about time more kids knew that America was founded when Jesus and Hulk Hogan kicked some hippies’ asses. More: CNN

Note eight: Look on the bright side — Henry Kissinger is still dead.

Note nine: The people pretending to give a shit about protecting women sure seem fine with a bunch of fucking rapists in the cabinet. More: Huff Post

Note 10: We hate to have to tell y’all this, but Trump’s sentencing is getting postponed again. Sigh. Remember when we were told nobody is above the law? What a goddamn lie. More: NBC News

Note 11: It sure looks like Don Jr.’s pants came with a cocaine pocket. Watch on BlueSky

Note 12: LOLOL! Doodie Pooliani wants to delay his trial so he can go to Trump’s inauguration. Doodie supposed to be in court over his nonpayment to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, but he wants to be there for the guy who helped ruin his life. Let’s hope the judge tells him too bad, and let us continue to laugh uproariously at the pathetic final third of Doodie’s miserable life. More: Huff Post

Note 13: The next White House press secretary is a damn liar. And definitely one of the cult members. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Bluesky is blowing up because people don’t want to be around nazi incels like Elon Leon Musk. If you’re on social media, come join us there. It’s been pretty fun. More: NPR

Note 15: Walmart is warning prices are about to go up. Thanks, Trump. M\re: CNBC

Note 16: Since we’re emotional wrecks these days this video of a little girl hugging a turkey just about made us sob. Just about. Ok fine. Sam is straight up bawling. More: Bluesky

Note 17: It is just too fucking funny and awful that Gaetz wrote a check for sex work. Who uses checks still? More: ABC News

Note 18: This week marked 1,000 days since Russia invaded Ukraine. And Ukraine is still standing. Let’s take a lesson from a brave people determined to be free and steel ourselves for our own battles ahead. Slava Ukraine! More: Associated Press

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re wishing a Happy Birthday to President Joe “Dark Brandon” Biden. According to the New York Times, he is 735 years old. Happy birthday, Mr. President! More: Bluesky

Note 20: And on that cheery note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are holding up ok. And if you can’t hold it, remember to use Nancy Mace. Love y’all!

Keep going!
Yesterday Trump finally realized that Senate Democrats are busting their asses to confirm as many Biden judges as possible, and he did not like it. So Trump took to social media to instruct Senate Republicans to stop the confirmations. They are doing everything they can to slow everything down, but it helps that people like Ted Cruz and Jiffypop Dicklips (JD) Vance keep missing work so they can kiss orange ass. Keep going! More: HuffPost

Oz you fucking kidding?
Ok so that didn’t exactly work, but Trump is nominating Dr. Oz from the teevee to be the director of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services where he would only be overseeing the healthcare of about half the goddamn country. You might recall Oz saying he was ok with losing 2 to 3 percent of kids to COVID in order to open up schools. Yes, we should all be very afraid. And also a little mad at Oprah. More: The Guardian

Thanks?
As Trump insists that he is planning to go ahead with mass deportations as soon as he takes office, the soulless freaks in Texas are offering a helping hand. The Texas Land Commissioner is offering Trump a 1,400-acre ranch in Texas to use for his concentration camps as he seeks to destroy what’s left of our nation’s moral fabric. There are a lot of people who still think it’s not gonna be that bad. They are wrong. More: Texas Tribune

Today’s clips
After spending billions to snare control of the massive media portfolio known as NBCUniversal, parent company Comcast now plans to break it up. More: Variety

Everyone knew what Donald Trump and the Republicans had in mind for health care when they were about to take power eight years ago, because they had announced their intentions repeatedly — and loudly. More: HuffPost

A major storm will continue to pummel areas from Washington to Oregon and Northern California with torrential rain, heavy mountain snow and high winds this week, AccuWeather meteorologists warn. More: AccuWeather