Scummy goes to Scotland

Happy Friday. There are 466 days until the midterm elections. Jerome Powell ain’t taking no crap, a farewell to a freak and Trump won’t rule out a pardon for a child sex trafficker.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never threatened Joy Behar.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, it’s official — nobody is safe in Trump’s America. Not even Charles Entertainment Cheese. That’s right. Those sick sonsofbitches came for Chuck E. Cheese…

NOOOOOO!!!! WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?! We’re kidding. Or we were until we learned that was a Trump supporter in that costume, and we sure as shit don’t want those people near kids or pizza. This is a joke. We don’t actually know if the person in the suit is a Trump supporter. We saw he was accused of fraud and made some assumptions. It’s far more likely that Chuck has information about Trump and Epstein so he’s being disappeared like all the characters from Showbiz Pizza.

But we do think it’s total bullshit that this country has time to arrest Chuck E. Cheese while Donald J. Trump is still walking around a free man. Like, what even are laws anymore, man? Anyway, we’re sending our best to the human in the giant rat costume who serves kids pizza. May justice come for President Pedophile the way it came for Mr. Cheese. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If America seems a little nicer and smarter this weekend, it’s because Trump won’t be here. He’s off to his country club in Scotland. He has no actual government business over there, so we’re all paying for him to visit one of his icky clubs so he can go fuck some Scottish sheep (h/t South Park). More: ABC News

Note three: Hulk Hogan died yesterday. We were big fans of the Hulkster when we were kids, and then we grew up and learned he was racist trash who helped weaken the First Amendment. So anyway, buh-bye. More: People

Note four: Trump’s approval numbers are in the shitter. Actually, they’re underneath the shitter. Gallup has him at 37 percent approval. Ouch! It’s almost like America doesn’t want to be ruled by Apedo Hitler. More: Gallup

Note five: Oh look. Here’s a Senate Republican blocking the release of the Epstein files and admitting he’s doing it to help Trump. You can see why this idiot’s cousin-parents named him Markwayne.

Note six: The chairman of the FCC is now making vague threats to The View. Thank goodness we have a very serious government that is totally focused on attacking Joy fucking Behar. More: Deadline

Note seven: If you’re not already disgusted with America today, then read this story and that should do it. More: NBC5

Note eight: Just a reminder that the House of Representatives is not working today because Republicans would rather protect a child sex trafficker.

Note nine: The New York Times has yet another note from Trump to Epstein. In this one, Trump calls Epstein “the greatest. We disagree. Also, Bill Clinton signed that gross birthday book too. No word on if he signed his name in pubes. More: New York Times

Note 10: Ron DeSantis had a rough day yesterday. He tried to praise Hulk Hogan and got called a pedophile. This should happen to every single Republican every single time they go out in public. Thank you to this Sexy Patriot for getting real.

Note 11: Trump’s personal lawyer who is now at DOJ met with Ghislaine Maxwell for six fucking hours yesterday. They’re meeting again today. Seems like more people should be asking why. More: USA Today

Note 12: When Trump was asked this morning what he hopes DOJ gets out of Maxwell, he said everyone should be focused on Obama. It sure is hard to figure out what he’s trying to do here lol. (Social media)

Note 13: Paramount’s bribe worked, and just a few days after Colbert was fired, Trump’s FCC approved their merger. Ain’t it cool to live in a country that’s controlled by rich corrupt assholes? More: NBC News

Note 14: Obamacare is about to cost a lot more, and Republicans can’t decide if they’re ok with that. Maybe we should tell them it covers Ghislaine Maxwell. More: NBC News

Note 15: Harry Enten is a pathetic kiss-ass, and even he can see how damaged Trump is.

Note 16: Justice Elena Kagan is speaking out about our corrupt and broken SCOTUS. We wish she’d use more f-bombs, but this is welcome. More: ABC News

Note 17: Oh hell yeah. The DNC is running digital ads hitting House Republicans for closing Congress to cover for Epstein. Git their asses! More: Mediaite

Note 18: We are completely obsessed with this weeks’ South Park, and we thought y’all would enjoy this story about how the creators got that joke about Trump’s tiny weiner past censors. More: HuffPost

Note 19: And for today’s Happy Ending, here’s one of our favorite parts. Of the show.

Note 20: And on that hilarious fucking note that we also can’t unsee, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have a lovely weekend. Try to enjoy a couple of days in a Trump-less America or join us in busting Chuck E. Cheese out of the clink. Love y’all!

Git him, Jerome!
So yesterday Trump went to the Federal Reserve to inspect some renovations that Trump wants to use as a pretext to fire Chairman Jerome Powell. But when Trump tried to lie about the cost of the construction, Powell wasn’t having it, shaking his head and pointing out the lies in Trump’s accusations. Trump totally wussed out and didn’t criticize Powell to his face the way he does on Truth Social. What a punk. According to CNN, Powell is not planning to resign. We will continue to ask why, if Trump’s policies are so great, he has to keep begging the Fed to lower rates. More: CNBC

Bye, George
We almost made this the Happy Ending. George Santos is off to prison today. And we think that is funny as hell. Santos wrote a farewell message that is full of shit and dramatic as you would expect. While we’re happy George’s reign of bullshit is over, we do hope nothing bad happens to him while he’s in the joint. We’d really just love to forget his dumb ass exists. Later, George! More: The Hill

Pardon us?
So Trump has said a lot of fucked up shit about Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. But this morning, he repeatedly refused to rule out a pardon for Maxwell, who was convicted of child sex trafficking. Now maybe we’re just a couple of rubes, but that sure as fuck seems like a bigger scandal than anything Jake fucking Tapper put in his goddamn book. Maybe the reason Trump is having trouble pivoting to Obama is because the whole world can see what a gross creepy scummy piece of shit he is. Good luck, Scotland! More: Forbes

Today’s clips
American taxpayers will shell out at least $10 million over the next several days so President Donald Trump can participate in a marketing photo opportunity at his golf resort in Aberdeen, Scotland — the profits from which will flow directly into his own pocket. More: HuffPost

Elon Musk reportedly ordered a Starlink communications shutdown over parts of Ukraine during a pivotal 2022 counteroffensive, causing confusion on the battlefield and impeding military operations to retake Russian-held territory, according to Reuters. More: HuffPost

A deadly shooting has prompted the University of New Mexico to issue a shelter in place on its Albuquerque central campus on Friday morning. More: The Hill

“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert on Thursday said President Donald Trump “gave a whole dumb speech” this week on artificial intelligence, and played a clip of him awkwardly greeting tech leaders. More: HuffPost