Scary SCOTUS Day

Happy Friday. There are 494 days until the midterm elections. The brain worm idiot is messing with our flu shots, a coup plotter is disbarred and a scary SCOTUS day.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we call out the bullshit.

Some breaking news this AM: Newsom Sues Fox News for $787 million for Saying He Lied About Call With Trump. More: NYT

Note: Sexy Patriots! Congrats on making it through another week of Dumbshit Trumpland. We know that’s not an easy thing to do, and frankly we’re all probably a bit fried at this point. We know y’all are hurting and angry and scared. But please remember two things. First, you are not alone. We’re all in this fucking nightmare together. And second, please remember that you’re not this hopeless motherfucker…

LOLOL!!! We don’t have pink hair, but we will sure as shit give that loser motherfucker the finger anytime we get the chance. But more importantly, we love that he’s seeing it and it’s obviously getting to him. Jiffypop Doodiesmoocher (JD) Vance is the guy who tells you he thinks it’s funny that you’re giving him the finger, but on the inside he’s weeping uncontrollably. Yeah, Juicy Dudebosoms (JD) wants to be a regular guy who is liked by the American people and instead we all hate him because he’s weird and probably has sex with furniture.

Keep pretending like the endless rain of Fuck Yous doesn’t hurt, Jokeass Dicknipples (JD), but we all know better. It must suck to become the new Giuliani, but that’s exactly what Jamshis Dingusincouches (JD) is. Eat it, weirdo. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Also, we cannot stop fucking laughing at this. Thank you, Sen. Wyden.

Note three: Republican U.S. Rep. Andy Ogles, also known as Redneck George Santos, demonstrated yesterday just how unhinged and racist the attacks against Zohran Mamdani are going to be. This is fucking gross. More: HuffPost

Note four: Talk about concerning! Susan Collins has a 14 percent favorable rating in Maine! A new University of New Hampshire poll has her at 8 percent favorability with independent voters. Gov. Janet Mills, on the other hand, is at 51/41 favorable/unfavorable. We should probably find someone to run against Susan. More: Newsweek

Note five: You already know this, but Sen. Chris Murphy said Trump lied about taking out Iran’s nuke program. But really everybody already knew that. More: CBS News

Note six: It’s just insane watching this idiot confess that he’s gonna fuck up kids’ dental health and act like it’s a totally normal thing to do.

Note seven: Trump threatened to sue and demanded an apology and firings from the New York Times and CNN because they reported his Iran bombing was a bust. They told him to eat shit. We’re surprised but happy to see it. More: New York Times, Mediaite

Note eight: Chris Cuomo is big mad his sex pest brother lost the Democratic primary in New York this week. So he’s demanding AOC leave the Democratic Party. LOL! He even pulled a Meghan McCain and started talking about his dad. Rich people really don’t like being told no. More: NY Post

Note nine: Elise Stefanik, one of the worst people in the world, is running for governor of New York. We really hope she loses and then stubs her toe and then craps her pants in front of lots of people. More: The Hill

Note 10: RIP to longtime journalist and truth-teller Bill Moyers. We could use a few more like him right about now. More: Associated Press

Note 11: Oh hell yes, Sen. Patty Murray! We freaking love this!

Note 12: JFC. ICE arrested a 6-year-old with leukemia. HOW THE EFFING FUCK DOES THIS MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN?! More: TPR

Note 13: We just want to be very clear that we don’t give two shits what former SCOTUS Justice Anthony Kennedy thinks about our democracy. We still remember Bush v. Gore and we sure as hell remember where Brett Kavanaugh came from. So make that another Kennedy who can fuck all the way off. More: The Hill

Note 14: We have more bad news. Big Balls remains. And he’s now at the Social Security Administration. So everything is still really goddamn stupid. More: HuffPost

Note 15: With all the accusations of antisemitism flying around, we wanted to share this clip from our friend Brett Meiselas at MeidasTouch. He said it better than we could. And with way fewer cuss words.

Note 16: RIP to a real one. Former U.S. Rep. Carolyn McCarthy, who fought for gun safety after her husband was murdered, has died. More: ABC7NY

Note 17: A Canadian died in ICE custody. We’re killing Canadians now. That’s how shitty our country is. More: CTV News

Note 18: Nike says tariffs are going to cost them $1 billion. Thank goodness we elected a businessman who understands business. More: CNBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, please enjoy the Queen of the Netherlands making fun of Trump’s weird smile. Respected around the world again!

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a good week considering how much everything sucks butt. Always remember that it could be worse and you could be Johnjingleheimer Dumpbreath (JD) Vance. Love y’all!

A fun flu season
Yesterday a bunch of anti-vaxx idiots got together and fucked with our flu shots. With brain worm Bobby Kennedy leading the way, the new vaccine panel voted against recommending seasonal flu shots with the preservative thimerosal, which has been found to be safe time and time again. As the Guardian notes, there is zero evidence this shit has ever caused any harm, so these freaks are just making shit up as they go. As for now, we can still have flu shots. If they take them away, we will be announcing AltMedia.com trips to Tijuana for flu shots and covid vaccines. More: The Guardian

The Chesebro stands alone
Remember Kenneth Chesebro? He was one of Trump’s coup plotters who pled guilty to criminal behavior in Georgia. Well now he’s been disbarred in New York just like Giuliani’s loser ass. Good. Fuck him. So why are we sharing this in the news section? Because it’s really damn nice to know that not everybody got away with their attack on American democracy. Yeah, he was small potatoes, but Kenneth Chesebro has lost his license to practice law in New York and we are sure as shit taking that as a win. More: NBC News

Scary SCOTUS Day
Because of our weird publishing schedule today, we’re sending out the newsletter before SCOTUS announces just how badly they fucked us over at the end of their term. We’re supposed to get six decisions today, but the big one is over birthright citizenship and whether Trump gets to single-handedly rewrite the constitution to satisfy his bigotry. As you can imagine, we have very low expectations. In fact, we are expecting the worst. More: BBC, Associated Press

Today’s clips
A provision in the GOP’s tax and spending bill that makes it easier to get gun silencers violates Senate rules and has to come out, the Senate rules referee said early Friday. More: HuffPost

As many as 35,000 Ukrainian children are still missing and thought to be held in Russia or Russian-occupied territories, according to an American team of experts, with families saying they are being forced to take desperate and risky measures to try to rescue them. More: The Guardian

Republicans have made some progress on replacing one part of their tax and spending cut bill as other parts collapse under scrutiny from the Senate rules referee.

Sen. John Boozman (R-Ark.) announced the Senate parliamentarian on Thursday had approved a new version of the so-called Big Beautiful Bill’s cut to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, also known as SNAP. More: HuffPost

A top Republican senator is proposing a sweeping overhaul of the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, slashing the workforce of an organization that has expanded since it was created in the wake of the Sept. 11 attacks. More: NBC News

Fox News host Laura Ingraham commendably kept a straight face and the show moving after Sen. Bernie Moreno (R-OH) committed an on-air gaffe while misquoting a Democrat’s private praise for President Donald Trump’s Iran strikes as a moment that would go down in the “anals of American history.” More: Mediaite

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