RIP CBS

It’s Wednesday. There are 153 days until the midterm elections. SCOTUS takes off the white hood, Trump loves his dirty fixer and Bari Weiss kills CBS.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell Asshole Andy Ogles to fuck off.

Note: Phew, Sexy Patriots. It has been a helluva 24 hours since we last laid eyes on your sexy and patriotic asses. The Supreme Court went full klan, Los Angeles is scaring the shit out of us and some billionaires set Scott Pelley on fire. If we were drinkers, we’d be drinking right now. Because this model airplane glue does not go great with coffee. We thought y’all might be feeling similar despair so we thought we’d show you what it looks like when you’re party fights back…

Hell fucking yeah. That’s how you fucking do it! Thank you to Rep. Madeleine Dean for keeping her eye on the ball and reminding the world that Donald Trump and his AG are covering up a child rape scandal of which Trump was a part. Thank you for remembering the survivors who are still waiting on justice. And thank you for fucking up that smug sleazebag Todd Blanche. We’re sure Todd had to comfort himself last night by drinking a gallon of warm Trump breast milk and then jerking off to pictures of Don Jr. Because that’s what a good Attorney General does.

It’s becoming more and more clear by the minute that the deck is stacked against us — and truth and justice — big time. So we need clear, fearless communicators who are willing to go right at these forces of darkness without hesitation or endless throat-clearing. Madeleine Dean has stepped up. Who will be next? Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Ok who needs some therapy? Yeah, us too. Especially after that thing about Blanche and Junior. How about 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT? Great! We’ll see you then here on Substack or by clicking here for YouTube!

Note three: Congratulations to Mayor Karen Bass for advancing to the mayoral run-off. But also, we are super disturbed that Spencer Pratt is doing as well as he is. The AP hasn’t yet called the second slot between Pratt and Raman, but what the effing fuck, LA?! More: AP

Note four: The NBA finals start tonight. Thank goodness for big distractions during the apocalypse. Who y’all got winning?

Note five: Here is the president of the United States saying it’s a good thing that everyone is confused about what he’s doing in Iran. How the effing fuck are we still talking about Biden’s health?

Note six: Rep. Andy Ogles, also known as the Tennessee Santos, said yesterday that “homosexuality has no place in America.” Then even his own party called him scum, so he deleted it and blamed it on a staffer. Andy is a goddamn bigot and a liar. More: NBC News

Note seven: Speaking of Santos, you’ll never guess who is being investigated again. If only the Republican Party wasn’t so weak on crime. More: AP

Note eight: It’s looking like Trump’s backed candidate is advancing in the California gubernatorial race. Congrats to all the selfish and delusional Democrats who stayed in the race and split the vote. We won’t forget. More: ABC7

Note nine: Trump said he might leave the cage from his upcoming UFC fight at the White House permanently. So yeah, his brain is fucking oatmeal. More: HuffPost

Note 10: We think very little of the White House press corps these days, but this was well done…

Note 11: Tom Kean is the Republican member of Congress who has just disappeared. Republicans still nominated him for reelection. So get to know and support Rebecca Bennett, who probably won’t vanish off the face of the earth if elected. More: NBC News

Note 12: We know everyone is excited about Texas, but we’ve got a chance to do some big shit in Iowa. Take a look and consider getting involved. More: Politico

Note 13: Iran and the U.S. are shooting at each other. And the press is still calling it a ceasefire. So yeah, everything is fucking stupid. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Hey New Mexico! Deb Haaland needs to be your next governor. She’s gonna be amazing. More: NBC News

Note 15: AI is a great way to find out which guys used to stuff socks down their pants…

Note 16: Ukraine hit Putin’s hometown. LOL! We’re sure Trump is pissed, but we fucking love it. More: NBC News

Note 17: We’re gonna talk about Scott Pelley in a second. But first we want to invite his colleagues who are going ahead with another White House correspondents dinner to eat shit. We assume it will be on the menu. More: HuffPost

Note 18: Graham Platner met with Democratic senators yesterday. It might be the dirtiest thing he’s done yet. We’re just kidding. But man we’re glad we don’t live in Maine. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re celebrating Pride Month by showing you this sexy beast. The word you’re looking for is “fierce.”

Note 20: And on that proud note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there this week. And thanks for not being in the Epstein files. We really appreciate that about you. Love y’all!

Jim Crow SCOTUS

If anyone still had any doubts about just how racist this Supreme Court is, they were laid to rest last night when the nation’s highest court said that Alabama can use racist congressional maps. Yeah, in an unsigned order — because they are cowards like all racists — the majority threw out all of its rules and said that Alabama is free to use maps that were found to intentionally limit the voting power of Black voters. In doing so, the court has unleashed chaos in an election while also getting rid of a Black member of Congress. If you’re thinking about running for president in 2028, you better have a plan for what to do about this court.

More: USA Today

Goddamnit, Todd

Trump says he wants his personal attorney, Todd Blanche, to be the permanent Attorney General. We would really enjoy those confirmation hearings. Because Blanche went on Capitol Hill yesterday and made it clear he is slime. While Blanche said that Trump is backing off the slush fund for terrorists and pedophiles, he refused to put it in writing and said that Trump’s immunity from the IRS would go on. So basically, they’re still going ahead with this corrupt shit since they already got the headlines they wanted. Just a reminder — the AG is supposed to be our lawyer; not the president’s.

More: CNBC, HuffPost

So long, CBS

We regret to inform you that journalism is dead at CBS. It happened last night when the network fired Scott Pelley from 60 Minutes for speaking truth to power. We are enormously grateful to Scott for taking a real stand and being courageous instead of kissing ass and going along just to get along like so many of his colleagues in the news business. Still, this sucks. It means that 60 Minutes is effectively dead as we knew it, and the Trump orders to gut it have been carried out. Yesterday was a very dark day for journalism and America. Thank you to Scott for doing what good journalists do and shining a light on corruption and injustice. And a giant FUCK YOU to everyone who was calling for him to be fire. Chris Cillizza can eat the lint from our taints.

More: The Guardian

Today’s clips

Progressive politicians are sharpening their attacks against tech tycoon Elon Musk, zeroing in on his soon-to-be-trillionaire status days before his company SpaceX’s record-setting initial public offering. More: NBC News

Iran will play its final World Cup warm-up behind closed doors in Turkey on Thursday before departing for a tournament base in Mexico on Saturday, the Iranian FA (FFIRI) said on Wednesday. More: NBC News

A young man who pleaded guilty in the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol and apologized for his “foolish” actions during what he said was “without a doubt one of the most embarrassing days in modern American history” now works at the Defense Department. More: NBC News

Acceptance of same-sex marriage and relationships in the U.S. has flattened after more than two decades of steadily increasing support, with an ongoing decline among Republicans, according to a new Gallup poll. More: AP

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Businessman Zach Lahn’s win in Iowa’s Republican gubernatorial primary over President Donald Trump’s pick, Rep. Randy Feenstra, delivered a rare electoral setback for Trump in a primary season that had previously handed him back-to-back victories. More: AP

JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — Republican U.S. Sen. Dan Sullivan is running for reelection in Alaska and faces a field of 15 competitors. One of them is Dan Sullivan. More: AP

Wrestling icon Mick Foley has spilled on why Donald Trump’s response to the killings of director Rob Reiner and his wife, Michele, led him to distance himself from WWE due to its relationship with the president. More: HuffPost

California state Sen. Scott Wiener and San Francisco Supervisor Connie Chan are projected to advance in the top-two “jungle” primary for the state’s 11th congressional district, signaling just how enduring former Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s hold on the region continues to be. More: HuffPost

Podcaster Shawn Ryan on Monday railed against President Donald Trump over his litany of apparent corruption scandals, joining a burgeoning chorus of former MAGA supporters and pro-Trump podcasters who have turned against the president since his 2024 reelection. More: HuffPost