Rig This, MFer

It’s Tuesday. Election Day is here. SCOTUS denies Trump’s California cheating effort, a moron rambles at the Reflecting Pool and Trump threatens us with a good time.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it loves you all very, very much.

Note: Ok, you Sexy Patriots, let’s take our country back. The creeps and the cultists have had it for two years now, and they have really fucked things up. So today, we do something about it. We hope. The truth is we don’t know what’s gonna happen. What we do know is we are on the right side with the right people, and we are really goddamn grateful for that.

We know y’all are gonna bust your hot asses to win today. We know you’ve been crushing it so you can crush Trump. And we want to say thank you.

Thank you for keeping us company and keeping us sane. Thank you for the calls and emails you send. Thank you for sending money you don’t have to spare. Thank you for rejecting American fascism. Thank you for crashing Trump’s rallies and flipping him off. Thank you for laughing at our jokes about JD Vance making nasty sex to the furniture. And thank you for never giving up, no matter how dark and fucked up things might be.

Are we nervous about tonight and the coming days? Of course. We’re not idiots. But we are also battle-tested. We’ve all been through a decade of this shit. We’ve survived six years of President Dumbfuck. We will probably survive whatever comes next. But tonight we want to celebrate, so give it all you got and let’s kick some fascist shithead ass. Y’all have a blessed day. DJ, play that funky music…

Note two: We did one last pre-Election Day therapy session yesterday. If you missed it you can get caught up here.

Note three: We feel better about today than Trump does. How do we know? Well we actually got some sleep last night. More: HuffPost

Note four: Haley Stevens had more nonsense to say about her betrayal yesterday. We’ve already forgotten she exists, so we don’t be linking to it. Fuck off, Haley. NO GODDAMN LINK

Note five: Our hope is that Democrats will learn how to tell the mainstream media to eat shit. Stuff like this really helps our causes. We’d like to invite these beltway scumbags to kiss our Axios.

Note six: We haven’t forgotten what ICE and the Feds did to the people in Broadview, Illinois. And it looks like we might actually get some justice. More: WTTW

Note seven: How desperate is Trump? He went on Fox this morning and claimed he had ended all aid to Israel because Bibi told him to. LOLOL. Can you imagine believing that shit? More: WYFF4

Note eight: Trump is sending out so-called election monitors today. If they fuck with you, record it. And then ask for a cop to step in. And if that fails, just start yelling GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!! More: USA Today

Note nine: Do you need some sorta celebrities to hate? Well here’s who is accepting Kennedy Center honors from Trump. We’re so disappointed in Andy Garcia, but we already knew Mamet is a piece of shit. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Ok who wants to help us tell this weird sonofabitch to go fuck himself?

Note 11: Some of y’all are gonna have to brave some crazy weather today. You got this. Because if you don’t, the forecast calls for a shitload of fascism. More: NBC News

Note 12: Why are we even remotely confident today? Because Trump promised to lower prices, but he made everything more expensive. And we believe that even the dumbest motherfucker on the planet can understand that. More: NBC News

Note 13: If we can break character for a moment, please fucking vote, America. Please!!!

Note 14: Something funny occurred to us yesterday that we would totally never act on. But we realized that Bill Maher owns a weed dispensary in West Hollywood called The Woods. And we were thinking about how it would be a shame if people left Yelp reviews that outed the spot as pro-MAGA. But like we said, we’d never act on that.

Note 15: Trump’s good buddy Putin murdered a bunch more innocent people. Don’t you wish the U.S. media cared more? More: NBC News

Note 16: A kid died from measles in New York. Thanks, RFJ Jr.! More: AP

Note 17: We don’t need any convincing to vote blue, but if we did, this video would do it. Dude can’t even open his eyes…

Note 18: Here’s the AP’s primer on when polls will be closing and when you can expect results. We’re looking at a lot of different seats, but if Kentucky’s Sixth goes blue, then it’s katy bar the door. More: AP

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Mississippi, where Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Scott Colom is reminding us why today is so important…

Note 20: And on that powerful note, let’s go do some news and then let’s go save our country. LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!

BONUS NOTE TWO: And here’s something a little harder in case that was too slow for you…

More: YouTube

1-0

Trump has been trying to cheat in California for a couple of weeks now. After getting his ass bounced out of court, he went to his crooked friends at SCOTUS. And they tossed it out without any dissents. That means it was either too stupid or too crazy for Alito and Thomas. Or it wasn’t stupid or crazy enough. You never know with those assholes. Still, we were relieved to see them say no thanks to this one. How about we run up the score today so we don’t have to worry about a bunch of Republican justices stealing our elections?

More: The Guardian

Closing Arguments

Trump held his last pre-election event yesterday, and it was a very sad and pathetic affair. With like six people looking on, Trump mostly rambled about the Reflecting Pool and showed pictures of algae. It was some real loser shit, and if our party had done it we would have died from embarrassment.

More: bsky.app

Well… Bye

We kinda ran out of news to talk about today since there’s really nothing to do but vote and then count and freak out all day. But we did want to leave y’all with a new fantasy, one where Trump flees America and moves to Israel. We like that he’s already thinking about his exit strategy…

More: bsky.app

Today’s clips

Regardless of the outcome of Tuesday’s midterm elections, Donald Trump’s richest and most-devoted fans will have the opportunity to put hundreds of thousands of dollars into his pockets this week, as the pro-Trump CPAC group hosts a four-day conference at his South Florida country club, Mar-a-Lago. More: HuffPost

New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s (D) pointed response to Vice President JD Vance’s touting of what he claimed are the Trump administration’s achievements for New York has gone viral online. More: HuffPost

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Tennessee National Guard troops in Memphis last summer trained their handguns on a man as he lay dying on a sidewalk after a guard member shot him in the back, video released Monday by county prosecutors shows. More: NBC News

ICE officer Mario Alberto Morales turned himself in Monday after being indicted last week in connection with running over a man who was on foot. The case has put Morales’ work record under scrutiny and called attention to the administration’s hiring surge last year to fill in immigration enforcement posts. More: NBC News