It’s Monday. There are eight days until Election Day. Republicans trash Puerto Rico (again), Michelle Obama speaks truth and let’s talk about closing arguments.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We get that way when a bunch of nazis shit-talk America.
Note: Holy freaking cow, Sexy Patriots! What a fucked up weekend! The splitscreen in America was on full display as Vice President Harris continued to engage and inspire Americans and Trump had a goddamn nazi rally at Madison Square Garden. We wish we were kidding.
It was an orgy of freakish hate, an endless parade of murderous clowns proudly displaying the blood on their polka-dotted clown suits. And we’ll be honest — it rattled us pretty good. These sonsofbitches really ain’t hiding it anymore. They are fascist as hell and damn proud of it. We even got our hands on Trump’s closing remarks from later this week. Yeah, it’s even worse than you think. We edited out the slurs…
Trump: Fuck you, America. Yeah, fuck you. And fuck your mom too. Fuck the troops. Fuck the Statue of Liberty. Fuck apple pie. Fuck baseball. Fuck the Fourth of July. Fuck George Washington. Fuck the Greatest Generation. Fuck the amber waves of grain, fuck the purple mountain majesties and fuck the fruited plain. Fuck the Black people, fuck the Brown people and fuck the white people who don’t kiss my ass. I truly hate you all. I hate this fucking country and everyone in it. I wouldn’t piss on this shithole if it was on fire. Your kids are ugly and dumb, and they must take after their parents. I went back to Arlington just to take a shit. The Grand Canyon is just a big hole. The Liberty Bell is just broken. Fuck you. Fuck America. Now give me money and vote for me.
Trump supporters: Hell yes! Tell it like it is, baby! Woohooooooo!!!!
Ok so that probably isn’t verbatim how it’s gonna go down, but we’re guessing we got about 60 percent right. Especially the supporters part. So can we please defeat these lunatics? This is nuts! Thank you. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Everybody holding up ok? We know life in the paint-shaker can be taxing, so we hope y’all are taking time to practice self-care in between all that kicking ass for democracy. We sure are damn grateful for everything you’re doing.
Note three: This might be a weird thing to feature so high up in the newsletter, but Dr. Phil can go fuck himself. More: Huff Post
Note four: This morning, Philly DA Larry Krasner announced he is suing Elon Leon Musk over trying to buy votes. Someone should also sue him for jumping around and yelling like a dipshit. (h/t Tim Walz) More: CNBC
Note five: Here’s Trump and Melania greeting each other like distant cousins who are meeting for the first time and already don’t like each other. Can’t you just feel the expensive love?
Note six: We’re gonna talk about that insanely offensive comedian in the news section, but we want to make sure the awful jokes he made about Black people and Jews aren’t lost in the shuffle. But hey, if you throw a nazi rally, then you should expect nazis to show up. More: Huff Post
Note seven: Y’all know we’re basketball fans, and San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich is one of our favorite voices in the league. This weekend, a French reporter asked Coach if he had any thoughts on the election. And he went off. More: Huff Post
Note eight: We know Trump’s friends and allies are planning some pretty evil shit if they get back in the White House. Today’s episode is about how ProPublica found out about what Trump aide Russel Vought has planned. More: ProPublica
Note nine: President Biden is back in North Carolina today, thanking the National Guard troops who have helped the state start to recover from Helene. Last night at his hate rally, Trump said no one had showed up to help at all. He’s either lying or has lost it and we don’t know which it is. More: ABC11
Note 10: We don’t want to freak you out, but Trump talking about him and MAGA Mike Johnson having a “secret” plan to take back power freaked us out. It’s times like these that we wish we had a press corps.
Note 11: Jilted Dicksneeze (JD) Vance got into it with Jake Tapper yesterday by lying about Trump’s “enemies within” shit. Tapper even laughed in Vance’s face at one point. Do you know how much of a lying asshat you have to be to get Tapper to do some actual journalism? More: CNN
Note 12: Trump ran an ad during the Philadelphia Eagles game saying Biden and VP Harris have let the country “go to hell.” But the clips of a riot the ad showed were actually from when Trump was in office. Ope. More: Politico
Note 13: So there was simply way too much offensive and wild shit to cover from Trump’s hate rally, but we can’t stop thinking about how they played “Dixie” when Byron Donalds came out. We also can’t stop thinking about how he is fine with it.
Note 14: Harris-Walz campaign manager Jen O’Malley-Dillon was on MSNBC yesterday laying out what they’re seeing and feeling. It was very reassuring. We feel good about this, y’all. Just keep making calls and knocking on doors. More: MSNBC
Note 15: An ABC poll yesterday had Harris winning 51-47. A new New York Times poll out this morning shows her winning Nebraska’s Second by 12 points (Biden won it by 7). Polls suck and don’t matter, but we’re gonna win this. More: ABC News
Note 16: This story about Republicans in Pennsylvania pissing off some nuns is one of our favorites of the year…
Note 17: Elon Leon Musk said this weekend that Americans will suffer “temporary hardship” if Trump wins. Um… How about no? How about instead the richest man in the world suffer a little hardship? And also why the fuck is Rolling Stone the only publication we could find that wrote about this? More: Rolling Stone
Note 18: This weekend, Dark Brandon called out Elon Leon for being an undocumented worker in the U.S., and it was pretty delicious. More: Huff Post
Note 19: Today’s Happy Ending is shockingly from the New York Times. Yeah, the paper that has kissed Trump’s ass from the get-go has more courage than the chickenshit losers who owns the Washington Post and LA Times. So thanks to the Grey Lady for doing the bare minimum.
Note 20: And on that surprising note that we instantly regretted after learning the NYT didn’t put the hate rally on its front page today, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are maintaining some sanity during these insane times. And if not, just be glad you’re still sexy. Love y’all!
Yiiiiiiiikes
So by now you know that Trump and his Republican Party had a full-on hate rally at Madison Square Garden in New York City on Sunday. While there were oodles and oodles of horrifying shit said, the part that most people are focused on is a racist comedian attacking Puerto Rico and Latinos. Even by Trump standards, this was appalling shit. So appalling that Puerto Rican superstars like Bad Bunny immediately began sharing VP Harris’ plans for Puerto Rico, which by a beautiful coincidence she had dropped earlier in the day. It was so bad that even Republicans like Rick Scott were condemning it, and the Trump campaign was saying they didn’t agree with it. As many others have pointed out, there are 450,000 Puerto Ricans living in Pennsylvania. And we’re guessing they’re even madder about this crap than we are. More: NY Daily News
Thank you, ma’am
This weekend, Michelle Obama delivered one of the most powerful and moving speeches on abortion and this election that we have ever heard. We’re not going to describe it too much. We suggest you watch the whole thing.
In closing
It’s about time to wrap this up, and that means it’s about time for closing arguments. On Tuesday, Vice President Harris will deliver her closing message from the Ellipse in DC where Trump launched an attack on the U.S. Capitol almost four years ago. Trump’s closing message is an erratic mess of hate and anger and plans for revenge against the American people. This has always been an obvious choice. But this week should make it crystal clear to anyone who is still confused. More: NBC Washington, Huff Post
Today’s clips
U.S. intelligence agencies have identified domestic extremists with grievances rooted in election-related conspiracy theories, including beliefs in widespread voter fraud and animosity toward perceived political opponents, as the most likely threat of violence in the coming election. More: NBC News
Tucker Carlson on Sunday falsely said Democratic nominee Kamala Harris is Samoan and Malaysian in a racist rant tinged by conspiracy theory. More: Huff Post
Don't worry about freaking us out; we all know how evil they are, and nothing will freak us out anymore than we already are.
So, it's Normies versus Nazis, and who will win? I'm praying for a Normie victory.