Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never shown up in D.C. with a guillotine.
Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! We’d like to start today with an apology for being such sexy bummers yesterday. We were being Debbie Downers and y’all reminded us that people are fired up and the haters can get fucked. Thanks for the reminder. We’d like to repay your kindness by starting out today’s newsletter with the best thing you’ll ever see…
FUCK YESSSSSSSS!!!!! Who is this brilliant badass?! We’ve never heard of The Stacey Show, but we are big fans now. Dear god we have found our spiritual coach for the next 68 days. She’s like Ted Lasso with a dirty mouth. She’s an elephant dart full of Lexapro and speed right to the forehead. This is the mindset we are embracing down the homestretch. And this is the video we are clipping to watch whenever we get discouraged or depressed. It really is a miracle that after a decade of dumbshit, Americans can still put on a smile and go to battle for their country. We fucking love it.
So thank you to this angel of inspiration and motivation. And thank you to all of you. Y’all keep us going and keep us fighting, and we hope we can do the same for you on some days. The thing about fascist scum is they are relentless. It’s exhausting. But we don’t have the luxury of exhaustion right now. So to quote The Stacey Show, “Fuck Donald Trump and fuck every motherfucker that has anything to do with that piece of shit!” Now let’s raise the frequency. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We had to cancel yesterday’s therapy session for some family stuff, but we’re planning to do one tomorrow (Friday) at 3 p.m. ET/noon PT. See y’all then!
Note three: Florida Republicans stole from poor people. Scumbags. More: WEARTV
Note four: Trump is telling people to pretend he’s on the ballot. We are too. More: HuffPost
Note five: It turns out that it’s legal to drive around Capitol Hill with a working guillotine. We have mixed feelings about this.
Note six: You know how we all think Trump is like stupid Hitler? Well apparently the people who work for him think so too. More: HuffPost
Note seven: Adam once criticized Dana Bash for “new tone” coverage and she responded by saying his kind of rhetoric was what caused Jan. 6. So yeah we’ve thought of her as pretty biased for a while now. More: Mediaite
Note eight: MAGA has lost Jelly Roll, and they are not taking it well. More: MeidasNews
Note nine: We’re not gonna link to the video because it’s horrifying, but flash flooding in Nepal is yet another wake-up call that our planet is sick and going to kill us all. More: NBC News
Note 10: It’s such a huge bummer watching Abdul El-Sayed have to fight Republicans and much of his own party. Especially when the man can do such great impressions…
Note 11: The official story about the CIA director going to Russia is that Trump is worried Putin will attack a NATO country and Ratcliffe was trying to stop it. Sure, Jan. We totally believe that. But only because we’re total fucking morons. More: The Guardian
Note 12: Losing Tim Curry the day after losing Dolly just feels like a cruel joke. What was your favorite of his? For us it has to be Clue. More: NBC News
Note 13: The Los Angeles Sparks’ Cameron Brink doesn’t mince words. It’s one of many reasons we are huge fans. This is what it looks like to stand up for women’s sports. More: Threads
Note 14: Just a reminder that Trump is still trying to fire Lisa Cook and she isn’t afraid of his bullshit. More: AP
Note 15: If you try to redistrict in a red state, Republican judges will help you do it. If you try to redistrict in a blue state, Republican judges won’t let you. We are so fucking sick of this shit. More: NBC News
Note 16: There are still elections in September, which seems bonkers to us. But our friends at Bolts Mag have you covered. More: Bolts Mag
Note 17: It can be tempting to think people aren’t doing enough to fight fascism. But Americans are in the streets standing up for what’s right. We see you. And we think your patriotism is sexy as all hell.
Note 18: It would probably be quicker at this point if Georgia’s Mike Collins just gave us a list of his staffers who weren’t in the KKK. More: Advocate
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re laughing at Ted Cruz and his tiny dick. We’re not even kidding. Teddy Cancun had yet another social media humiliation yesterday when he tried to praise Dolly but ended up retweeting an account called “Ted Cruz’s Tiny Dick.” LOLOL!!! Perfect. More: HuffPost
Note 20: And on that limp and shriveled up note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. And if not, well, it’s time to raise the frequency. Love y’all!
Liar and a Killer
You’re not gonna believe this but the freak who desecrates animal corpses and works out in jeans lied about his past. Raccoon castrator RFJ Jr. The AP and The Guardian are reporting that new documents make clear that the felcher lied to the Senate during his confirmation hearings when he said that his trip to American Samoa in 2019 had nothing to do with vaccines. That was a fucking lie. Oh and 83 people died from measles a short time later. This news comes as RFK is accusing Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro of lying about two measles death in the state. It probably goes without saying, but we believe Shapiro.
More: The Guardian, The Hill
Well Shit… Or Don’t
Remember during Trump’s first term when we could get toilet paper? Well it looks like we’re headed for re-run season. So try to hold it if you can. Because of Trump’s stupid trade war against Canada, the price of toilet paper is about to skyrocket. You’ll probably be able to find it, but you’re gonna have to pay extra to wipe your ass. If only we could all just use Trump’s face.
More: The Guardian, HuffPost
AOC Watch
Ok so is this the most important story happening today? Definitely not. But AOC is one of the most talented and promising leaders of the Democratic Party at the moment, so we pay attention when she makes a move. She has rejoined the DSA after a lapse of a few years. Aside from some of the national leadership and self-defeating infighting, we think DSA has been good for a party that needs new energy, new ideas and new branding. We’re damn curious to see what AOC is going to do next, but we think it’ll probably be something awesome.
More: The Guardian
Today’s clips
SAUGATUCK, Mich. (AP) — When Democrats gathered this week in a West Michigan congressional district they’re trying to flip blue, they wanted to talk about the cost of living under President Donald Trump. But it didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to a controversy dividing their party. More: AP
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal judge on Wednesday rejected the Justice Department’s request to erase Trump ally Steve Bannon’s criminal conviction for refusing to testify before the congressional committee that investigated a mob’s Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol. But it may not be a final decision on the matter. More: AP
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — Maine’s Republican nominee for governor recently told a crowd of supporters that he would ask a top Department of Homeland Security official to send U.S. Marshals and Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents to polling places in the state for this fall’s midterm elections, according to audio obtained by The Associated Press. More: AP
WASHINGTON — The Trump administration has trained much of its immigration crackdown on people who entered the United States illegally from Mexico and elsewhere, but it is intensifying another battle, this time with people who come legally. More: NBC News
Brooklyn Democratic Party district leaders voted to enact sweeping — and widely decried — changes to the county party’s bylaws Tuesday night that reformers say will help current chair Rodneyse Bichotte Hermelyn maintain control of the organization, according to several people familiar with the voting. More: HuffPost
Fox News’ Will Cain on Wednesday apologized to ex-DNC chair Jaime Harrison after their combative interview a day earlier led the host to pull the plug on his guest. More: HuffPost
A sailor who jumped from the USS Abraham Lincoln this month in what his wife describes as a suicide attempt is now facing disciplinary action from the Navy, according to his wife and charging documents reviewed by MS NOW. More: MS Now
Aug 27 (Reuters) - Ratko Mladic, convicted of genocide for orchestrating the 1995 massacre of at least 8,000 Muslims in a U.N.-designated “safe area” of Bosnia, Europe’s worst atrocity since World War Two, has died, a U.N. official said on Thursday. More: HuffPost
Note 12 - Clue was the first thing I thought of (besides Rocky Horror of course)!
As to a TP shortage, I don’t want that orange face anywhere near my sexy patriot bottom!
1- Grooving to Stacy was like Aerobics For The Resistance! 2- My favorite Tim Curry was his satanic role in Legend. Thanks for all you do, fellas!