Pro-recession/Anti-Constitution
It’s Monday. There are 547 days until the midterm elections. The doll thief strikes again, Trump’s terrorist buddy and presidents are supposed to be anti-recession.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it’s not threatening war with fucking Denmark.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’ve got some bad news. It turns out the president of the United States is a fucking idiot. Yeah, we suppose that ain’t exactly breaking news, but holy shit there are moments that just leave us damn near speechless. Like this dumbfuck gibberish for example…
WHAT?! FIVE FUCKING PENCILS?! HOW DARE THIS MAN TAKE OUR PENCILS?! WE NEED OUR FUCKING PENCILS!!! Look, there is all kinds of alarming shit in that interview — just oodles and oodles of terrifying and idiotic ranting from a simple-minded rage monster — but are we seriously fast-forwarding to being the American Soviet Union so goddamn fast that we’re rationing pencils now? Is that five for life?! Is it a year?! Will there be pencil police?! We need details, Donnie! HOW MANY MOTHERFUCKING PENCILS DO WE GET?!!!
Sorry. We’re just passionate about pencils. And not being ruled by one of the dumbest sonsofbitches to ever walk this cursed planet. The good news is this stupid shit is gonna kill the Republican Party. The bad news is he might kill all of us first. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: By the way, we weren’t kidding — President Dipshit went out of his way to raise the possibility of military action to seize Greenland. So things can definitely get worse. Happy Monday! More: The Guardian
Note three: Trump offended Catholics by posting an AI photo of himself as the pope. We don’t know about great, but we sure as shit are embarrassed again. More: HuffPost, CBS News
Note four: Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody! Who’s doing Monday margaritas? More: Associated Press
Note five: Trump’s people fucked up May the Fourth (the Star Wars holiday) by giving him a red light saber. Thank you to the cool people who actually got it right…
Note six: By the way, how cool is it that Mark Hamill is a resistance hero? It sure would have sucked if Luke Skywalker had gone to the dark side in real life. More: HuffPost
Note seven: We’re not gonna spend much time on this because it’s stupid and an obvious distraction, but our idiot president wants to make Alcatraz a prison again. We’re like a week away from this stupid sonofabitch trying to bring back the Model T. More: CBS News
Note eight: We have to give credit to 60 Minutes. With their corporate scum owners trying like hell to surrender to Trump, they did an episode last night about the lawyers still willing to take him on. More: CBS News
Note nine: Between Sinners and the Thunderbolts, Hollywood is having a surprisingly strong start to the summer season. So of course Trump wants to fuck things up with this tariff shit. More: HuffPost
Note 10: Really? We’re really fucking doing this?! Ok fine. We look forward to making them eat this embarrassing, wasteful North Korea shit at the polls.
Note 11: On Friday, a judge went off on Trump’s bullshit attacks against big law firms. The firms that gave in right away are gonna spend the rest of their existence known as gutless cowards. More: NPR
Note 12: The New York Times has a lengthy (and overdue) piece today about how Trump and his sons are corrupt as hell and lining their pockets while pretending to be making America great. It’s crazy to remember how stories like this used to be a big deal. More: New York Times
Note 13: Rep. Mike Lawler is a coward. He held a town hall, but he made sure to invite lots and lots of cops and they swarmed anyone who so much as looked at him funny. And it is a really, really bad look for Lawler. He had a Jewish woman who was just sitting there dragged out! What a fucking wuss. Enjoy your next campaign, Mikey. More: The Hill
Note 14: Congratulations to Mike Pence for winning a JFK Profile in Courage Award. So yeah, the bar for courage these days is in the goddamn cellar. More: Associated Press
Note 15: Trump lost his shit at a Wall Street Journal reporter last night. It seems that all the talk of tariffs being a total fucking disaster is really getting to President Dipshit. More: Yahoo
Note 16: Germany is cracking down on nazis and the Trump administration is mad about it. Wait. What?! Maybe this should be a big deal. More: Associated Press
Note 17: Yikes. The racist asshole who was Trump before Trump is back and running for Congress in Maine. If you don’t remember the name Paul LePage, then you are lucky. And the worst part is we don’t even like the Democrat who holds this seat. Ugh. More: The Hill
Speaking of Maine… the latest from Adam and Sam:
Janet Mills beats Trump and lets him hear about it
Janet Mills wouldn’t bend the knee. Instead, she kicked the ass.If you believe in independent, unfiltered political commentary that pulls no punches, we hope you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber to TheAltMedia with Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman. We’ve never had a paywall, accepted ads, or relied on outside investors—because the only people we answer to are you. This newsletter runs entirely on grassroots support, and every paid subscription helps us keep going, keep growing, and keep calling it exactly like we see it.
Note 18: So how fucking gross is America right now? This racist shit-eating scumbag called a Black child the n-word and then raised about a million bucks online. This country’s soul is rotten. More: Fox9
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you Down Under where our Aussie friends joined our Canadian friends in telling conservatives to go take a flying leap. We wish we knew more Aussie slang to say something funny here but we don’t so congratulations and thank you. More: BBC
Note 20: And on that hopeful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend and you didn’t use up all your pencils. Love y’all!
No dolls for you!
So Trump has really settled on this talking point that little girls don’t need many dolls and it’s ok if the dolls they do get are more expensive. So much of what this idiot says simply does not break through to Americans who are busy with their own lives or watching Fox News. But a rich asshole who is decorating the Oval Office with gold, spending every weekend golfing at his country club and planning a stupid parade telling American families their kids are gonna have to go without at Christmas is the kind of shit that might actually reach people. So yeah, we hope he keeps saying it. More: NBC News
Trump’s terrorists
While you were spending the weekend with decent people, Trump spent the weekend thanking a thug who was convicted of seditious conspiracy against the United States of America. We wish we were joking. Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio went to Mar-a-Lago this weekend and Trump met with him, thanked him and told him he loves the scum who attacked our country on Jan. 6. And if you think that’s as bad as it’s gonna get, DOJ just settled a lawsuit with Ashley Babbit’s family so that means our tax dollars are going into the pockets of those treasonous dirtbags. More: Yahoo
Here comes the bust
In his deranged and wide-ranging interview with Meet the Press, Trump was asked if there is going to be a recession. His answer was who knows and maybe it’s ok if we have a recession. He also said “I don’t know” when asked if he is supposed to follow the Constitution. Y’all, those are two really bad answers. Presidents are supposed to be anti-recession and pro-constitution and this dumb sonofabitch has got it backwards. Imagine how much of this shit we can make him eat if we win back the House. More: NBC News, NBC News II
Today’s clips
Israel approved plans Monday to capture the entire Gaza Strip and remain in the Palestinian territory for an unspecified amount of time, two Israeli officials said, a move that, if implemented, would vastly expand Israel’s operations in Gaza and likely bring fierce international opposition. More: Huff Post
The European Union launched a drive on Monday to attract scientists and researchers to Europe with offers of grants and new policy plans, after the Trump administration froze U.S. government funding linked to diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives. More: NBC News
President Donald Trump on Sunday said Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum rejected his proposal to send U.S. troops to Mexico to help thwart the illegal drug trade because she is fearful of the country’s powerful cartels. More: HuffPost
The federal government on Monday will resume collecting defaulted student loan payments from millions of people for the first time since the start of the pandemic, officials said. More: NBC News
The latest from Adam
I'm so angry at some of this shit that if I were to ever get within arms reach many of these guys talked about here, they'd never set bail for me.
The Trump produced new America - The USASHC!
Trump is a felonious sexual assaulting narcissistic sociopathic treasonous contemptible con man.
I know! I know! That is insulting all other felonious sexual assaulting narcissistic sociopathic treasonous contemptible con men.
Of course, the USASHC has 77.3 million citizens who love love love felonious sexual assaulting narcissistic sociopathic treasonous contemptible con man.