Happy Friday. There are 682 days until the midterm elections. President Musk is really effing things up, he also endorses some German neo-nazis and a reason to be hopeful.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It will continue to do so even if/when Republicans shut down the damn government.
Note: Sexy Patriots! ‘Tis the season for lots and lots of stupidity, and Republicans are coming through like Santa Claus on bath salts. There is much to discuss today as the GOP discovers its new overlord is a ketamine-addicted moron, but first we want to talk about some truly blasphemous shit from the devil himself…
Jesus Hellfuck Christ that is some hardcore blasphemy. The Christians must be furious! We’re just kidding. They’re forking over their money and dignity as we speak. We’re not the most religious people in the world but we were pretty appalled by this so we reached out to an old friend to get her take…
TBS: Are you there, God? It’s us, TBS.
God: Hey boys. Loving the newsletter.
TBS: Thanks, God! So what do you think of Trump’s Bible bullshit?
God: It makes me want to send more plagues. Y’all are about to get dinosaured.
TBS: So you don’t approve?
God: You know that motherfucker pushed his party to fuck over kids with cancer like yesterday, right?
TBS: Good point. Hey why we have you, we wanted to ask if you’re doing anything special for JC next week.
God: Dave and Busters.
TBS: Oh. Ok. Oh well. Have fun!
So there you have it — God says Trump is a blasphemer fuckhead. We knew it. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We wanted to take a second to thank and praise Leader Hakeem Jeffries. The way he fought back and held the Democratic caucus together (the two who sold us out don’t count) was so encouraging. When we stay united, we can stop a lot of Trumpian bullshit. This is the fight we’ve been hoping to see. Keep it going!
Note three: It’s amazing to think we had a whole fucking presidential election about private email servers, and now Trump is using them for his transition and it’s no big deal at all. It’s almost like the mainstream media are a goddamn joke. More: Politico
Note four: The holidays have completely snuck up on us. We’re thinking we’ll do a TBS on Monday and then take a couple days off for the holidays. But we plan on some additional posts especially as news breaks. If you need some Christmas cussing, shoot us a note and we’ll see what we can do.
Note five: Seriously how fucking cartoonishly evil do you have to be to screw over kids with cancer? More: Bluesky
Note six: A federal judge is letting a Jan. 6 asshole go to the inauguration. Let’s hope he doesn’t smear any of his shit on the Capitol. More: CNN
Note seven: Thank you to Sexy Patriot Bruce for informing us that Superman’s dog, Krypto, has been around since 1955. He could really use a new name. Krypto; not Bruce. More: Superman Homepage
Note eight: Joe Biden announced he is forgiving more student loans! We have really loved this, and it really sucks more Americans didn’t get on board with it. More: CNBC
Note nine: Louisiana now restricts public health officials from promoting shots for COVID, the flu and mpox. So Louisiana should be dead soon. More: NPR
Note 10: Yikes. Trump ain’t even in office yet, and some folks are getting a bad reputation. More: Bluesky
Note 11: If you live in Virginia, we’ve got some special legislative elections we need to win. More: The Hill
Note 12: Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr reunited for a few songs. Thanks, Biden. More: The Guardian
Note 13: Amazon workers are on strike in some places. They deserve to be treated better and Bezos sucks. We just wish it was easier to support the Teamsters after they screwed us over. More: Associated Press
Note 14: Well this is a stunning read — Netanyahu is skipping the anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz because he’s worried he’d be arrested by Poland. Yikes. More: Haaretz
Note 15: We have to confess that we haven’t listened to this show and the only two things we know about it is she is a liberal and she has defeated Joe Rogan for the top podcast. And frankly those two things are all we needed to know to become fans. More: Bluesky
Note 16: Anybody going to see that new Bob Dylan biopic?
Note 17: Thank you to Officer Harry Dunn for continuing his fight to protect our democracy. More: Bluesky
Note 18: We want to send some love to the family of David Gergen. David is a longtime Washington guy who was on CNN forever and served several different presidents. According to his daughter, Gergen is battling dementia, and he has an important message for the nation. More: Huffpost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just wanted to tell you how much we love you. Y’all are the fucking best and we are so damn grateful that every day we get to cuss out piece of shit politicians with your hot asses. We hope you’re able to find some joy in this uncertain holiday season. Thank you for riding with us. It means more to us than we can ever fully convey. We’ll see y’all Monday. Love you!
President Leon
We knew Elon Leon could make this blow up, but it’s not so much fun watching him do it to the United States government. We are now less than 24 hours away from the federal government shutting down, which would mean a lot of bad shit including troops and TSA agents working over Christmas without being paid. Just a reminder — Republicans had a bill to fund the government that they had worked out with Democrats, and it was good to go. Then Elon Leon started tweeting lies about the deal and killed it. Then they put out a new bill that would keep deep fake porn legal, make it easier to invest in China and cut billions for child cancer research AND EVEN REPUBLICANS VOTED TO KILL IT. There is no clear path forward at this point, and Trump went on social media this morning to call for a shutdown, telling people it will be blamed on Biden. Maybe we should all blame the richest man in the world who is treating our government like his personal play thing. More: CNN, NBC News
Seems pretty bad
Speaking of Leon Elon, guess who endorsed an actual neo-nazi party in Germany in the middle of the night. That’s right. The South African apartheid enthusiast tweeted last night that “only the AFD can save Germany.” We are not exaggerating when we tell you that the AFD are nazis. They even use nazi slogans. Hell, France’s le Pen thought they were too extreme! We’re starting to think the guy who has been lifting up nazis for a couple of years now is pretty pro-nazi. It just really sucks that he’s also our new co-president. More: Politico EU
Season of hope and chaos
Everything is totally fucked up right now, and a lot of good people are going to hurt because Republicans are gutless morons kissing the ass of even bigger morons. And we are thankful. Why? Because all is not lost. We first saw it with the Matt Gaetz AG shit. And now this. In the days after the election, it was easy to wonder if we had lost everything or if there was even a point in fighting back. Well now we know — there is always a point in fighting back when it comes to fascism. We can do this. We can beat these twisted fuckers, and we can defend the shit that matters. Republicans are dumb and directionless, and that’s good news for America.
Today’s clips
The last shutdown began in 2018 during Trump’s first term. So what happens if the government runs out of money? More: Huff Post
Donald Trump celebrated on Thursday after Fox News announced Neil Cavuto is leaving its airwaves after 28 years at the network. More: Huff Post
As U.S. diplomats arrived in Damascus on Friday, Syria's de facto new leader Ahmed al-Sharaa will likely have greeted them with a clear message: Under his rule, there will be no threat to the West. More: NBC News
This pic of Leon is real birth control right here!!
Congrats on the exclusive interview with God! Big scoop.