Orangey’s polling in the pooper

It’s Thursday. There are 509 days until the midterm elections. The brain worm guy is seriously going to kill a lot of people, Senate Dems sell us out again and America turns on Trump.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We’re trying to teach it how to work a can of spray paint.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, things are getting dark and fugly in the U.S. these days. We are forced to ponder existential questions about our country’s present and future while the military occupies a major U.S. city and prepares to parade to the delight of our limp-dick dictator in another. These are pretty serious fucking times. Which is why we wish Rand Paul’s loser ass would stop making us laugh so goddamn hard…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Goddamn, boy! That is some king loser shit right there! Remember when we thought nothing could be more embarrassing than when he got his leprechaun ass whooped by a senior citizen? Well we have a new winner! Imagine being too much of a weirdo dickhead loser for the weirdo dickhead loser party. Yikes! Now Rand has since been re-invited — his pathetic whining worked and TACO guy strikes again — and he actually is making some good points these days. But he’s such a little prick and we really like making fun of him.

We do have a whole bunch of serious shit to cover today, but thank you to all-time weaselfuck Rand Paul for the much-need laugh. Fucking hilarious. Y’all have a blessed day. More: The Hill

Note two: And while we’re at it, we haven’t spent nearly enough time making fun of Elon Leon for his gutless surrender to the new father of his 47 kids. We ain’t got billions of dollars, but we also taint never kissed no orange ass. How is this dork gonna ever act tough again when the whole world has seen him on his knees? Someone oughta buy these losers some self-respect. More: ABC News

Note three: Brian Wilson died. Goddamnit. Pet Sounds is Mt. Rushmore shit. More: Associated Press

Note four: The Thursday Therapy session is back! Join us today RIGHT HERE when we go live to do our cussing in person!

Note five: Jealousof Deadracistscum (JD) Vance is out there defending the confederacy. He thinks we were all fine with it until 10 years ago. He should go fuck a couch.

Note six: We’re gonna get to the video of this in the Happy Ending, but we want to say THANK YOU to the drag performers who showed up at the Kennedy Center last night to make Trump mad and Vance horny. This is our America! More: HuffPost

Note seven: We are not the most religious people, but we talked to god last night and we asked her to please piss all over Trump’s birthday party. More: FOX5DC

Note eight: No surprise but our scumbag president can’t figure out who the hero in Les Mis was. We’re guessing last night was the first time he’s actually seen it and he talked about it in the past to try and seem smart. It didn’t work. More: HuffPost

Note nine: This No Kings rally is gonna be big, y’all. Are you going? More: Associated Press

Note 10: We really like this version of Gavin Newsom. He looks much better without Steve Bannon next to him.

Note 11: This New York mayoral race is heating up. Please for the love of all that his holy and sane DO NOT rank Cuomo. How is this even a question? More: Politico

Note 12: Trump is now lying and saying that LAPD wanted him to send troops to the City of Angels. LAPD is calling bullshit. And they’re pretty fucking awful people in their own right. More: HuffPost

Note 13: How stupid is ICE? They detained a fucking U.S. Marshal. Great work, fellas! More: The Independent

Note 14: Wow. Trump is giving our money to MS-13 through his corrupt El Salvador friend. This is a huge scandal. Or it would be if Obama or Biden did it. More: ProPublica

Note 15: We have to admit we’re enjoying the new pope. In Italy, they call him Lion.

Note 16: This is so fucking gross. Barron Trump’s friends are using the federal government to go after people they don’t like. What a cool country we’ve become. More: The Independent

Note 17: Kim Kardashian has flip-flopped back to the right side of history. We honestly just don’t give a shit anymore. More: The Hill

Note 18: The Jan. 6 officers are having to sue to get their plaque hung up. It is stunning the way the press have just let this shit go. It should be a major scandal that haunts Mike Little Johnson every goddamn day. More: CBS News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the Kennedy Center. Trump stepped outside of his bubble and got booed to hell and back. Sure there were some cheers, but those people suck. The boos are our new ringtone.

Note 20: And on that gorgeous note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are holding up ok this week. And if not, just remember that you’re not Rand Paul. That always cheers us right up. Love y’all!

Note 21: For the Brian Wilson fans out there, this is one of our favorites: YouTube

Secretary of Death
RFK Jr. started rolling out his new vaccine advisory committee yesterday, and they are as dumb and dangerous as we all feared. Despite lying about not appointing anti-vaxxers, RFK did just that. One of these freaks even said that the covid vaccine gives you a new form of AIDS and that millions of Americans were hypnotized into taking them. What kind of dumbshit country barely gets through a pandemic and then puts the livestock medicine assholes in charge? Ours apparently. More: Associated Press

Sigh
We don’t get it. We just don’t fucking get it. Despite being stopped from efforts to rework the bill so it doesn’t allow Trump to profit more off of his corruption, 18 Senate Democrats went along with Trump’s gross crypto scheme bill. Some of these assholes like Fetterman aren’t surprising. But Trump is literally sending the military to invade Los Angeles and California’s two senators are doing him a favor? WHY?!!!! We continue to believe that the best thing Democrats can do next year is work their asses off to win back the House and send a message to Senate Ds that we’re tired of being sold out. If they decide to start actually fighting fascism, we’ll be here. More: Politico

Finding out
It took way longer than it should have but Americans are remembering how much they don’t like Trump and his chaos. In addition to being booed last night, Trump is now seeing his poll numbers drop like a rock. The AP has his approval rating at 39 percent with 60 percent disapproving. A new Quinnipiac poll has him at 38/54. It’s also really funny that the Q poll has Elon Leon at 30 percent approval. It’s almost like people don’t want a drugged out South African taking a chainsaw to the federal government. Both polls show Trump eating shit on immigration and the economy, which are supposed to be his strong areas. Elected Democrats have got to stop being afraid of this asshole. He’s weak. Act like it. More: Associated Press, Politico

Today’s clips

All members of the Fulbright Foreign Scholarship Board resigned Wednesday, citing alleged political interference by members of the Trump administration. More: The Hill

Ahmedabad’s city police commissioner says there don’t appear to have been any survivors from an Air India airliner that crashed, and that there are likely also casualties from the area of the city where it went down. More: HuffPost

Terry Moran has announced his next move following his termination from ABC after criticizing President Donald Trump and one of his key advisers on X. More: People

More than 460 laid-off employees at the nation’s top public health agency received notices Wednesday that they are being reinstated, according to a union representing the workers. More: NBC News

After a partial verdict in a chaotic day at Harvey Weinstein 's sex crimes retrial, jurors are due Thursday to return to deliberations on a remaining charge - if the foreperson will join in. More: 6abc Philadelphia

The latest from Adam