One vote closer to the truth

It’s Wednesday. There are 419 days until the midterms. Trump’s Russian friend brings us closer to WWIII, Sotomayor speaks and we’re one vote closer to the release of the Epstein files.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It would use a lot more if it had to live with Barron.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Surely we can agree that things are pretty royally fucked up. Trump is on an endless crime spree, robbing us of our treasure and our dignity. He’s declaring war on our cities and the very fabric of reality. And he surrounds himself with human garbage sycophants who insulate him from just how hated he really is.

If only someone could tell him to his orange fucking face that he’s “the Hitler of our time.” Wouldn’t that be satisfying as all hell? Well we’re in luck…

ROAST HIS ASS!!!! Holy shit that felt good to watch. And we promise we didn’t watch it like 20 times. If you turn it up, you can hear him pissing his pants. It’s yet another reminder that Trump is not popular and not inevitable. He sucks butt, and everyone knows he sucks butt. And whenever he goes outside of his bubble, he’s reminded of it. Thank you from the bottoms of our hearts to the legendary badasses who told that evil sonofabitch what’s up. America thanks you! Y’all have a blessed day. Except Trump. Fuck that guy.

Note two: Anybody need some therapy? Yeah, us too. So we’re doing our weekly therapy session today at 1:30 PT.

Note three: The only thing we love more than seeing people cuss out and boo Trump is brave Americans forcing ICE stormtroopers retreat. Hard to believe the guys in masks are such cowards. More: HuffPost

Note four: How badly has Trump fucked up the economy? Even Barron had to move back home. Or maybe he’s just a loser who’s still breastfeeding. More: NY Post

Note five: Here’s Trump last night pretending to give a shit about Epstein’s victims. How much you wanna bet he never meets with them? And how can he meet with a hoax?

Note six: If we told you there’s a guy with a brain worm who decapitates dead whales and works out in jeans, you’d probably say he shouldn’t be in charge of our health. But if we added that he can’t stop talking about boys’ sperm, then you’d probably say he should be locked up forever. More: Gizmodo

Note seven: Kevin Sorbo’s son says women shouldn’t have the right to vote. We know what you’re thinking — who the fuck is Kevin Sorbo? More: HuffPost

Note eight: A judge has temporarily blocked Trump from firing Lisa Cook. This is a welcome reprieve until SCOTUS reminds us that their orange master can do whatever he wants. More: NBC

Note nine: We told y’all we weren’t sure if Democrats should shut down the government. Well Senate Majority Leader John Thune said yesterday that Republicans won’t allow Obamacare subsidies to be included in the spending package. So now we’re sure — shut it down. More: Bloomberg

Note 10: Yesterday CNN used Ghislaine Maxwell as a credible source, insisted that there is no evidence of any wrongdoing by Trump with Epstein and had this soulless gargoyle as a guest. It’s like they’re trying to get people to throw their televisions out the goddamn window.

Note 11: Congratulations to Zack Stephenson, who was elected Democratic House Leader in Minnesota, replacing Melissa Hortman who was murdered by a Trump supporter, which was a shocking news story that the mainstream media didn’t give a shit about because they are human garbage. More: MN Reformer

Note 12: Excerpts from VP Harris’s book are out, and it looks like we’re gonna do another round of Democratic in-fighting. We appreciate her wanting to get her truth out there, but how much more are we gonna shit on Joe Biden? We know some folks think he has it coming, and maybe he does. But we’re focused on the orange nazi wrecking America. More: Mediaite

Note 13: We’re glad to see some stories popping up about just how fucking gross Trump and Epstein’s world really was (is). More: HuffPost

Note 14: Miracles do happen. Jake Tapper has finally discovered how “disgusting” the Trump-Epstein shit is. We can’t wait for his book. More: Mediaite

Note 15: Bet you thought Trump’s birthday note couldn’t get any grosser. Well you underestimated the internet…

Note 16: It’s also not surprising to see that some Trump supporters are now going after the Epstein survivors. It’s evil and fucked up but definitely not surprising. Scumbags. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Even Republicans think the Florida ban on vaccine mandates is stupid. And they’re morons! More: The Hill

Note 18: We never really got into “Only Murders in the Building,” but we do love Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez. Especially when they’re roasting Trump. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Australia, where researchers have approved the first chlamydia vaccine for koala bears. We’re very happy that the furry little freaks can now go totally buckwild. We’re guessing the Mar-a-Lago crowd is about to get very pro-vaccine. Koala party tonight! More: NBC

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. That’s especially true for everyone who reminds Trump of just how much we all hate him. What a fucking asshole. Y’all have a blessed day.

This seems bad

We are so respected in the world again that Trump’s friends seem determined to start another World War. Poland says that it shot down Russian attack drones over its airspace last night. Both Germany and NATO have responded, and they are furious. We’re expecting Trump to offer up gibberish and excuses just like he did yesterday after his friend Bibi bombed Qatar. Between all of this and Trump’s missile strikes on Venezuelan fishing boats, we don’t think asshead is getting his Nobel Peace Prize anytime soon. Thank goodness America elected the guy who’s going to keep us out of WWIII.

More: NBC

The voice of reason

Justice Sonia Sotomayor was on Colbert last night, where the audience cheered for her most recent dissent against court-approved racial profiling. And they didn’t just cheer. They gave her a standing ovation. Sotomayor encouraged the audience to read all of the opinions. She really has been a courageous and often lonely voice of truth and morality on a court that has abandoned both. We mostly put this in the news section because we wanted to show some appreciation for her. And Brett Kavanaugh can kiss our nuts.

More: HuffPost

One more

Thanks to Virginia voters, we are now one more Democratic vote away from having the number needed to force a vote on the release of the Epstein files. Democrat James Walkinshaw absolutely walloped his Republican opponent last night in a special election to fill the late Gerry Connolly’s seat. The margin itself is good news as Democrats continue to over-perform in special elections this year. But the win also moves us one vote closer to the release of the Epstein files. Pollster Adam Carlson noted that an Arizona special election that will likely result in Democrat Adelita Grijalva’s election is set for Sept. 23. That would get us to the magic number. Or Trump could just do the right thing and release the files on his own. So yeah, we’re gonna need to win that election.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

A man identified as Nepal’s finance minister was stripped of his clothes and forced into a river by protesters in shocking footage out of the country. More: Mediaite

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon shared apprehensions about the economy after the Bureau of Labor Statistics said the country added 911,000 fewer jobs over the 12 months ending in March than previously reported. More: The Hill

Jennifer Jenkins, who first made headlines when she beat Tina Descovich, co-founder of the far-right Moms For Liberty, in the Brevard County, Florida, school board race in 2020, announced Wednesday that she’s running for U.S. Senate in Florida. More: HuffPost

Charlotte officials are set to meet and address transit safety concerns on Wednesday in the wake of the fatal stabbing of a Ukrainian refugee on the city's public transit that has generated national outrage in recent days. More: NBC

Gloria García was born in Mexico 42 years ago, but for two decades she had been building a life for herself and her family in California and was one step away from obtaining legal permanent residency in the United States. Now, she says, she's suffering a painful separation from her family, trapped in administrative limbo in Tijuana, even though, she stresses, she has followed all the rules to apply. More: NBC