Omaha Awesomesauce

It’s Wednesday. There are 538 days until the midterm elections. Awesome news out of Omaha, antisemites in the White House and Republicans screw Americans in the dark.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it isn’t going to starve people so Elon fucking Musk can get richer.

Note: Sexy Patriots, we sure hope y’all know how much we love you. We really, really, really love you. You remind us we’re not alone in our outrage/anger/sadness/horror, and you give us hope that we can mock these soulless turds until we win. And because we love you so goddamn much, we are really, really sorry to show you this picture of a decomposing Marco Rubio…

DEAR GOD! What the fuck happened to Liddle?! It’s like he looked in the Ark of the Covenant but with only one eye! He looks like a rotting pear! Like a burp with arms and legs! And why is his mouth always open?! You can almost hear the flies buzzing around this rotting husk, hollow because his soul and dignity are gone. Like we knew Trump was evil, but he turned Rubio into a pudgy fuckless zombie. That’s some scary shit!

In some ways, Liddle Marco is the story of America. Not long ago he was a bright-eyed and ambitious young man who enjoyed his water and believed in the promise of this great and free melting pot. Now he looks like he’s the one who’s melting and he should have permanent cartoon stink lines and the pity/fear of small children as he mindlessly executes the orders of a shit-for-brains moron. That’s quite a life you’ve built there, Liddle. Not a life any decent person would want, but congrats on being a decomposing chode. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Whoa. This is some bullshit. Transpo Secretary Sean Duffy had his wife re-routed so she wouldn’t fly through Newark, and then he told Americans it’s fine to fly through Newark. Remember when this shit would be a scandal? More: Gizmodo

Note three: Trump is lifting sanctions on Syria. It’s just a huge coincidence he wants to build a goddamn hotel there. More: NPR

Note four: Yeah, Trump’s gross Middle East sell-out-America tour continued. And while we were thrilled to have that asshead out of the country, it was pretty gross watching him tell a murderous Saudi prince that Saudi Arabia is “hotter” than the U.S. Just imagine if Obama had… oh fuck it. More: ABC News

Note five: This is seriously so fucked up. He’s worried about it too. Dude put out 16 Truth Social posts defending his bribe acceptance.

Note six: Just a reminder that Trump’s friend MBS had Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi murdered and dismembered.

Note seven: Some really gross baseball news as Shoeless Joe, Pete Rose and the Menendez brothers have been cleared to join the Hall of Fame. Ok so we might have confused a couple of stories there. Still, the monsters of yesteryear are really having a moment. OJ should have held on. He might have been president. More: ESPN, People

Note eight: The brain worm fuckhead is testifying in front of the House Appropriations Committee this morning and we want to send love to Rep. Rosa DeLauro for reading him to filth. Get his ass, Rosa! (Social media)

Note nine: We were gonna save this for the Happy Ending, but here it is now. The universe is going to die sooner than we thought. So we’ve got that going for us. More: CBS News

Note 10: We fucked up yesterday and missed Stevie Wonder’s birthday. We spent the whole day feeling like assholes about it.

Note 11: We just saw that Warner Brothers is changing the name Max back to HBO Max. Why do people think these rich people are smart? All we see them do is fuck things up. More: Yahoo

Note 12: Looks like Mayor Pete is serious about running for president. We’re obviously staying out of this primary (and focused on the midterms), but we’re happy to see him out there fighting the good fight. More: NBC News

Note 13: Hey so why the hell did the Trump administration just let 17 family members of the Sinaloa cartel in the U.S. They giving Trump a plane too? More: The Independent

Note 14: Remember in the days after the election when Gavin Newsom made a big show of fighting for migrants? Well he’s not doing that anymore. Now he wants to come for their healthcare. Sigh. More: Associated Press

Note 15: Speaking of Greasy Gavin, the Onion really nailed this one…

Note 16: The EPA is fine with chemicals in your drinking water. Because nothing says America First like kids who glow in the dark. More: Associated Press

Note 17: Trump saluted Saudi generals. It reminded us of when he saluted a North Korean general. It also reminded us that he called our troops suckers and losers and fired our generals. More: Newsweek

Note 18: Thank you to every single protester who went to Capitol Hill yesterday and last night to fight for our Medicaid. We’re so sorry that Republicans don’t give a single fuck about you. More: Mother Jones

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Virginia, where a Democrat has just become the first open swinger candidate that we’re aware of. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Hey, if Roger Stone’s gross wrinkled ass can do it, so can we! More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that swinging note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. And if you’re not, just remember that you’re not Marco Rubio. That always cheers us right up. Love y’all!

An Omaha ass-whoopin’
You know how we know America is finally turning on Trumpism? We keep winning elections. Last night, John Ewing Jr. beat a Republican incumbent in Omaha to become the city’s first Black mayor. In other elections, Democrats continued to over perform even where they lost. We know it’s easy to watch what’s happening and wonder if there’s even a point in fighting back. Well hell yes there is. Republicans are causing a lot of damage to our country. The ballot box is where we make them eat it. More: The Hill

So not Harvard?
NPR found a bunch of people who hang out with antisemites and it wasn’t a bunch of college kids. Nope, it was high-ranking aides in the Trump administration. Yeah, everyone pretend to be surprised. This kind of story is long overdue, but we’re damn happy to see it. This really proves that Trump’s war against higher education under the guise of fighting antisemitism was always a lie. If it wasn’t, he’d clean up his own house first. More: NPR

Midnight madness
While you were asleep, Republicans advanced their big beautiful bullshit bill that would raise the deficit by $4 trillion, kick 14 million Americans off their healthcare and give a giant tax break to a corrupt South African shithead. That’s probably why they did it in the middle of the night. This was only a committee vote, so we can still fight like hell and try and stop this monstrosity. But it’s amazing to see Republicans pushing ahead with this out-of-touch assault on everyday Americans. More: HuffPost

Today’s clips
Conservatives lashed out online Tuesday after the House GOP’s official account on X (formerly Twitter) dared to share a post that was partially written in Spanish. More: HuffPost

An Ohio man is accused of burning 100 library books on African American, Jewish, and LGBTQ history, sparking a public outcry. More: NBC News

The Supreme Court could give a major boost to the Trump administration's muscular use of executive power when it hears arguments Thursday over his plan to end birthright citizenship. More: NBC News

Imprisoned music executive Suge Knight predicted Tuesday that President Donald Trump would pardon Sean “Diddy” Combs if found guilty in court of sex trafficking. More: Mediaite

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