‘Of course he knew about the girls’

It’s Wednesday. There are 356 days until the midterm elections. More funny business at Fannie Mae, Pete Hegseth is human garbage and Epstein said Trump knew.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it sure as shit wasn’t friends with Jeffrey Epstein.

Housekeeping note: This would have been an hour earlier but Adam fucked up. Apologies!

Note: Alrighty then, Sexy Patriots. It’s been an unhappy start to the week filled with betrayal and cussing out our own team. And we hate that. We’d prefer to be on the same page kicking fascist ass. And we know there are folks who think it’s bad to be mad at Team Blue, but we disagree. We didn’t sign on for no cult. That’s the other side.

But we do want to be clear that we are proud Democrats, even when we’re royally pissed off about it. Sam is relatively new to the team, but Adam has been doing this shit since before he could walk. Seriously. He crawled around in diapers asking to be DNC vice chair. It was adorable and frankly a little weird. Anyway, today we wanted to show some love to our oft-maligned (by us) party.

Specifically, we wanted to single out the talented Rep. Jim McGovern who kindly wrecked House Republican assheads last night…

Yesssss. That is our kind of petty. Get their asses, Jimbo. Our favorite part? At the very beginning you can see that Virginia Foxx’s dumb ass thought he was being sincere. Then she got roasted to hell and back. And that made us laugh so hard a little pee came out.

So thanks for that, Rep. McGovern. And thanks to all the House Democrats who have been waiting impatiently to shame the living shit out of the derelict fuckheads who just took two months off to protect a goddamn pedophile. Go get ‘em. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Adelita Grijalva is finally being sworn in today. We assume Shithouse Rat Nancy Mace or Boebert will flip and protect Trump, but we have our fingers crossed. More: NPR

Note three: Shall we do a therapy session today? Yeah, we could use it. Please join us at 4:30 ET/1:30 PT.

Note four: How full of shit are Republicans? They claim to be appalled that the Senate bill includes a way for Senate Republican coup plotters to put our cash in their pockets, but they won’t do shit to stop it. Btw, this is one reason why we will never stop being mad about the Senate’s surrender. They couldn’t strip this shit out?! More: Roll Call, HuffPost

Note five: This is what’s happening in America while our leaders fail us. So the good news is the people are with us. The bad news is the assholes we elected haven’t figured that out yet.

Note six: Lara Trump loves John Fetterman. We’re glad somebody does because we hate that motherfucker. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Did y’all see the Northern Lights last night? Shit sure is weird these days, ain’t it? More: NBC News

Note eight: The White House is really starting to freak out about high prices. Guess it’s not a “con job” by the Democratic Party. More: CNN

Note nine: Trump went on Fox News and said we need visas because we don’t have talented people in America. LOL! You can imagine how that’s playing with the MAGA turds. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Yes, Hakeem. This is the way.

Note 11: RIP to Cleto Escobedo III, Jimmy Kimmel’s longtime bandleader. We’re sure Trump will be sending condolences. More: HuffPost

Note 12: Another Kennedy is going to run for office. Fortunately, this one doesn’t have a brain worm or want to kill children. More: NBC News

Note 13: Remember when some assholes in Kansas raided a newspaper because it was looking into their assholeism? Well the county has to pay the paper $3 million. Good. More: Kansas Reflector

Note 14: The Wall Street Journal has a story about how Kash Patel is having the time of his life on our dime. But he’ll always be a fugly little shit. More: Wall Street Journal

Note 15: This guy really gets it.

Note 16: Greg “the Gasser” Bovino and his thugs are leaving Chicago. Why? Because it’s getting cold. They will be popping up in another American city to harass more Americans. We hope they remember to eat shit. More: CNN

Note 17: Can someone please explain to us why the Road Rules guy is threatening air traffic controllers? More: Mediaite, NPR

Note 18: It’s true that we have some people in our party who suck. But we don’t have a Nancy Mace, and thank god for that. More: Raw Story

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Kim Kardashian. After claiming that the moon-landing was fake, Kim failed the bar exam. She used ChatGPT to help her study and then cussed out the psychics who told her she would pass. There’s nothing really happy about any of this, but we thought it might make you smile to see just how fucking stupid rich people are.

Note 20: And on that idiotic note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having an ok-ish week. And if not, just be glad you’re not being roasted by Jim McGovern. Love y’all!

Freaky Fannie
Bill Pulte is busted. Watchdogs at Fannie Mae were investigating where he was getting his dirt on Trump’s Democratic rivals like Letitia James, and they were fired. Yeah, Pulte has been going through mortgage records looking for ways to smear and hunt Trump’s enemies and when people on the inside rang the alarm, the investigators were pushed out. About a dozen people were fired over this. This is about as corrupt as it gets, and it should make it pretty fucking easy for James and others to prove this is not a real prosecution. More: Wall Street Journal

Drunk asshole
Pete Hegseth is a piece of shit. But you knew that. He also hates women. But you knew that too. Now we know how much. The first woman to serve with Seal Team Six, who was also injured in Iraq and received the Purple Heart, was set to be promoted to lead the Naval Special Warfare command. They even had the ceremony planned. And then someone stepped in and shut it down. People on the inside believe it was Hegseth. The woman, a bona fide American hero, was then pushed out of the service because there was no place to promote her. Hegseth seems proud of what he did. This morning he gave a speech in which he blasted “females” he doesn’t want his son serving alongside. This is some sick shit, and we hope he lives the rest of his days remembered as the human garbage he is. More: CNN

Epstein’s best friend
A bombshell this morning as our friends on the House Oversight Committee released emails from Jeffrey Epstein making it clear that Trump “knew” about all the child-raping. In emails to shitty journalist Michael Wolff and Ghilaine Maxwell, Epstein said that Trump “spent hours at my house” with one of Epstein’s victims. “Of course he knew about the girls,” Epstein wrote. We’re damn grateful to House Democrats for not letting this go. Maybe they could teach their friends in the Senate what it means to fight for what’s right. More: CNN

Today’s clips
California Gov. Gavin Newsom said a proposal for offshore drilling in the state would be “dead on arrival” as reports have emerged about the Trump administration selling new oil and gas leases in the region. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump has pardoned Tennessee Republican Rep. Diana Harshbarger’s husband, who pleaded guilty more than a decade ago to health care fraud and other crimes and served time in federal prison. More: Associated Press

Former New York governor Andrew Cuomo was photographed on the evening of his New York City mayoral election defeat kissing and grabbing the lawyer who defended him from sexual harassment accusations. More: Mediaite

President Donald Trump’s directive to change the name of the Department of Defense to the Department of War could cost as much as $2 billion, according to six people with knowledge of the potential cost. More: NBC News

Forget the Grinch — this year, it’s tariffs that could try to steal the Christmas tree. More: NBC News

The latest from Adam