Mother(f**ker’s) Day

It’s Monday. There are 176 days until the midterm elections. A Truth Social Mother’s Day, the Americans starving because of Trump and it’s back to war.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell Sean Duffy to eat shit.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We hope you had a sexy weekend. Because we promise you America did not. You probably know that Trump had another meltdown on social media this weekend, but we’re, sadly, used to that crazy, horrifying shit. What we absolutely did not anticipate was hearing there was a debate this weekend over whether AOC is right when she says we shouldn’t trust Marjorie Taylor Greene…

Um, no shit. Like how is this even a debate? Of course AOC is right. We’re talking about the goddamn Jewish Space Lasers dumbfuck. We have to ask — does this country have a short-term memory problem? Were all the narcs right about weed and beer? Do we need to start putting ginko fucking biloba in the water so all the goldfish motherfuckers out there remember shit that happened before six months ago?

Marjorie Taylor Greene sucks. She sucks butt. And we’re super happy she’s on tv pissing Trump off and keeping some heat on the Epstein stuff, but also — she sucks. Big time. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. We really need people to be better at seeing through transparent political bullshit. Marge is welcome to join us in voting against Trumpism, but there’s no fucking universe where anyone should take her seriously or give AOC shit for saying the obvious. So yeah, fuck MTG and all three of her toes. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Nobody has done more to expose Christians as being full of shit than Donald J. Trump. Did you see this crap about the golden statue? We’re not biblical scholars, but even we know this part. More: HuffPost

Note three: That Virginia Supreme Court ruling was a kick to the soft stuff, and we’re not real sure what to do or say about it. What the fuck kind of country lets unelected judges overrule the voters? Anyway, here’s where things stand now. We’ve got work to do. More: HuffPost

Note four: Chat GPT is the goddamn devil, and we really need some guardrails on this shit. More: NBC News

Note five: By the way, young people see through AI bullshit more than us oldheads…

Note six: Republicans are talking about suspending the gas tax. Because Trump fucked up big time and there ain’t no easy fix. More: NBC News

Note seven: Speaking of high gas prices, Sean Duffy and his wife did a seven-month fucking road trip while planes were crashing and gas prices were skyrocketing. These assholes are sure having a good time while they screw the rest of us over. More: NBC News More: MSNOW

Note eight: Here’s the latest on the hantavirus. We’re excited to see how Trump makes this worse. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Trump and Hegseth lost another American soldier. RIP. More: Associated Press

Note 10: We are super duper critical of the bullshit beltway press. So when a reporter is doing it right and asking questions that need to be asked, we want to give them credit. Thanks to Niall for staying on this…

Note 11: It’s always so weird to us when Knicks fans are happy. It’s like nature is out of balance. ESPN

Note 12: Republicans are really pushing ahead with this $1 billion ballroom shit. Our party better be damn ready to make them eat it. More: Associated Press

Note 13: John Mulaney, who we love and have never criticized or sent to rehab, took on raccoon dick guy at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend. It’s pretty funny. Or it would be if it wasn’t so real.

Note 14: We know Mother’s Day ain’t easy for folks like Sam who have lost their mom. And we can’t imagine how painful it was for Savannah Guthrie. More: HuffPost

Note 15: We freaking adore Martin Short. And we hate that he’s had to deal with so much tragedy while making the rest of us laugh so hard. More: HuffPost

Note 16: ABC and The View are firing back at Trump bitch Brendan Carr. Maybe they should have done this the first time instead of just forking over a bribe. More: Associated Press

Note 17: This picture has to pay for sex.

Note 18: Want some good news to kick off your week? The Economist is saying that the tide has turned and Ukraine now has the battlefield advantage. Nothing is inevitable if you’re willing to fight. Russia warship, go fuck yourself. More: United 24 Media

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to the comedians. Mostly because we want to thank Chelsea Handler for calling out the Trump bitches of the manosphere. Thanks, Chelsea!

Note 20: And on that enormously satisfying note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had the best weekend and didn’t spend one second defending Marjorie Taylor Greene. But we also know you’re way smarter than that. Because seriously, fuck her. Love y’all!

Sorry, Mel
We’re not sure if he got to it eventually, but Trump spent most of his Mother’s Day crashing out on Truth Social without ever mentioning the mother of his most recent devil spawns. Yeah, poor birther trash Melania didn’t get any love as her scumbag husband. Probably because even Trump knows that Barron ain’t his. We don’t like Melania, and we love that her karmic punishment is being married to someone as awful as her. More: HuffPost

Christians
Set your faces to stunned because we’re about to compliment NBC News. Yeah, we think Meet the Press is a fucking joke these days and we’ll never stop being disgusted with Chuck Todd, but credit where credit is due. This is a powerful and well-reported story about the Americans who are suffering because of Trump’s cuts to food stamps. Brace yourself. This is a hard but necessary read about what Trump and his rich cronies are doing to the non-Mar-a-Lago crowd. More: NBC News

Back to war!
There sure is a lot of shooting for a ceasefire. It’s almost like it ain’t even real. Especially since both Trump and Bibi spent the weekend telling butt-kissing reporters that the war ain’t over. We wonder how Axios is taking the news. CBS did an interview with Bibi that was pathetic but also made clear that he’s calling the shots and Trump is going along with whatever. Iran reportedly sent over a peace proposal over the weekend that Trump rejected but also who the fuck knows if that’s true or not? Anyway, we’re still at war and nobody can take a road trip this summer except for Sean fucking Duffy. More: CNN. More: CNBC

Today’s clips
Donald Trump on Saturday promoted a controversial Baptist pastor’s claim that he has a better grasp on the Bible than Pope Leo XIV just days after Secretary of State Marco Rubio met with the pontiff to try and cool U.S.-Vatican tensions. More: HuffPost

How’s the economy? Not bad if you’re rich. Demand for luxury yachts and private jets is surging thanks to last year’s tax law. Sales of $10 million-plus mansions are booming as stocks hit new highs. And the wealthy and powerful will get to enjoy a new ballroom for galas at the White House. More: NBC News

The man charged with allegedly attempting to assassinate President Donald Trump at a White House Correspondents’ Association dinner last month pleaded not guilty at a Monday arraignment in federal court. More: NBC News

Donald Trump — no stranger to verbally attacking and insulting female reporters in recent months — lashed out at Fox News host Jacqui Heinrich on Sunday after she dared to interview a Democratic lawmaker who criticized him on air. More: HuffPost

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump, in his return to the White House, has demonstrated greater ambivalence toward Taiwan, an approach that’s raising questions ahead of this week’s summit with Chinese President Xi Jinping about whether the U.S. leader could be open to dialing back support for the island democracy that Beijing views as its breakaway province. More: Associated Press

One member calls for a Presidential Medal of Freedom for a baker who refused to create a wedding cake for a same-sex couple.

Another calls for court interventions by the Department of Justice on behalf of Amish parents fighting New York vaccine requirements and Catholic nuns challenging that state’s requirement that they accommodate hospice patients’ gender identities.

And the chair of the Religious Liberty Commission is calling for a federal hotline with this automated recording: “There is no separation of church and state.” More: Associated Press

Rock star Jack White tore into the golden statue of Donald Trump that was unveiled at the president’s Trump National Doral golf course in Miami last week. More: HuffPost