Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it ain’t afraid of no gameshow host.
Note: We have to admit, Sexy Patriots, that sometimes politics can still make us emotional. We are so excited to talk about Scott Colom and how Sam cried like a baby last night, but we have an important question to ask first — WHY THE EFFING FUCK ARE REPUBLICANS SO FUCKING WEIRD?!
Ummmm did anyone understand what Temu Foghorn Leghorn was saying? Something about drinking his own pee? Or drinking Trump’s pee? Also why is anyone laughing at that? Shouldn’t someone get that fella some new pants and some dignity? And does everyone know not to shake this creepy fuck’s hand ever again?
You gotta love the contrast. If you take a step back and look at the whole picture, it’s impossible not to laugh. Democrats just elected a new generation of brilliant, badass leaders and Republicans are talking about pissing on their own hands. It’s a great advantage for our party that we’re up against some really weird motherfuckers who can’t stop being weird. Let’s keep going! And let’s also get Scott Colom some latex gloves before he goes to the Senate. Y’all have a blessed day. Even you, Pee Hands.
Note two: We had a Victory Lap Therapy Session yesterday, and it was a lot of fun. If you missed it, you can get caught up here…
Note three: Elon is fucking with Ukraine’s Starlink again. When does Elon the Anus start getting subpoenas? More: NBC News
Note four: So Jensen Huang is the only guy having a worse week than Republicans, right? Bye, creeper. And remember that Trump was warned about all of this and didn’t care. More: Wall Street Journal
Note five: We’re gonna talk about this in the news section, but we just had to make sure that you saw it…
Note six: There was reportedly an active shooter scene in D.C. this morning. We’re gonna skip the dig about Trump making the city safe and instead send love and concern to a great town. More: NBC Washington
Note seven: So now that Huang is out, when does Nutlick go? It’ll never not be crazy to us that he could lie about going to Epstein Island and still have a job. More: Politico
Note eight: Ya know, if one of your cabinet members is getting threats, that sounds like business as usual. But if you’re whole fucking cabinet has to live on a military base, then maybe they’re a bunch of assholes. More: NBC News
Note nine: Thomas Massie successfully pushed for another vote on the Epstein files. Do you know how fucked up things have to be for us to miss this guy? More: The Hill
Note 10: WHY THE HELL ARE THEY HUGGING?! AND WHY ISN’T IT A SCANDAL?!
Note 11: Want to read a super cool story about all the progress we made winning state Supreme Courts? We thought you did. Because you’re the ones who made it happen. More: Bolts Mag
Note 12: This is quite a story. Aliya Rahman is suing ICE. And they started deleting tweets. Because that’s what totally legit law enforcement organizations do, right? Fuckers. More: HuffPost
Note 13: Our party is gathering in Denver to celebrate and plan for what’s next. Frankly, we hope they keep the celebrations to a minimum to show the American people they are focused on the important shit at hand. More: AP
Note 14: This ain’t exactly breaking news, but Ivanka Trump sucks and she should fuck off and eat shit. More: HuffPost
Note 15: Everything about this is so fucking awesome…
Note 16: We don’t usually do birthdays, but happy birthday to Neil Young. Dude has been rockin’ for the free world for a long time, and we are grateful. Enjoy your day, bro. More: YouTube
Note 17: Man, Megyn Kelly REALLY loves rapists. What a horrible piece of shit she is. More: HuffPost
Note 18: Remember Peanut the squirrel? Well ICE has his owner, and they want to deport him. Sick bastards. More: NBC News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to South Park. It looks like they’re gonna start hitting the left again, but we do think it’s funny that they’ve basically decided it’s not even worth their time to make fun of dumbshit…
Note 20: And on that amusing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having the best week. We also hope you don’t pee on your hands or ever vote for someone who does. Love y’all!
Morning Meltdown
Reality seems to be finally breaking through for ol’ orangey. Starting at 5:30 a.m. this morning, Trump went on a posting spree, accusing Democrats of being the actual corrupt people and announcing that he is taking Couchfuck off of Iran and sending them after Blue states. We love that he’s finally realizing just how fucked he is, but we have to admit that he does have the poise of a cornered, rabbit rat and that is concerning. Oh well. Fuck him.
More: HuffPost
Disgrace and Dishonor
So you saw that video of Pete Hegseth. Can you imagine what Fox News would have done if a Democrat had done that shit? What a fucking scumbag. The only good news here is that it doesn’t appear the Pentagon is going to punish the brave soldier for doing his job. But we’re still waiting on an apology.
More: NBC News
Mississippi Turning
We honestly don’t know what to say. Every time we talk about this we get choked up. But Mississippi, you did it. You channeled the spirits of brave Americans who sacrificed and died for the right to vote. You honored so many courageous ancestors. You sent a proud Black man to the United States Senate. You reminded us that we will have setbacks and angst, but we will prevail eventually. You reminded us that better days are possible, and the sins of the past can and will be avenged. We are so proud of Scott Colom and his team and the voters who put their faith in him. For too many years, we were forced to believe that Trump was the Real America. Thank you to Scott Colom for showing us otherwise.
Today’s clips
KHAN YOUNIS, Gaza Strip (AP) — An Israeli airstrike hit one of the main hospitals still operating in the Gaza Strip on Thursday, killing six people, including a surgeon and a 13-year-old boy, Gaza’s Health Ministry said. More: AP
JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska judge ruled Wednesday that a request by Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Mary Peltola’s campaign for a list of absentee voters whose ballots have been rejected is “not reasonable,” particularly given the time crunch election officials face as they continue counting ballots from last week’s election. More: AP
FLATBUSH, Brooklyn (WABC) -- Eight people are dead and 17 others are hurt, two critically, after part of a three-story building collapsed into a construction site at the corner of Flatbush and Bedford avenues in Flatbush, Brooklyn, just after 4 p.m. Wednesday, according to the FDNY. More: ABC7 NY
Major stock indexes declined at the opening bell on news that Jensen Huang, one of the most important executives in the AI boom, was resigning effective immediately as CEO of Nvidia. More: NBC News
ATLANTA (AP) — Joe Biden says he did not know he had cancer while he was president and would not have sought a second term if he already had been diagnosed. More: AP
WASHINGTON, Nov 12 (Reuters) - Four potential contenders in the 2028 race for the White House have caught American voters’ attention with their early jockeying: Republicans JD Vance and Marco Rubio and Democrats Jon Ossoff and Pete Buttigieg, according to the latest Reuters/Ipsos poll. More: HuffPost
There’s new outrage over President Donald Trump’s White House ballroom project after an image went viral on Wednesday showing just how big the building is when compared to the main residence. More: HuffPost
Dems better come in HOT against these fascist immature punk tech bros. These old men who think they can get their adolescence back now that they have money.
It’s so exciting that Scott won yesterday. It’s been long overdue. Republicans are all weird. They should stay off the news because it further validates why we had a blue wave