Love y’all!❤️

Happy Friday! There are 487 days until the midterm elections. The NYT goes full birther, Republicans dance on our graves and we found some of that antisemitism.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Soooooooo much goddamn profanity.

Thank you: to all of you that joined our weekly therapy session yesterday. If you missed it here it is and please consider throwing a note in the comments!

Note: Phew. That was not a great week, Sexy Patriots. It was a five-day kick to the nation’s nuts. Shit is dark. It’s like we’re in one of those Saw movies mixed with one of those Ernest movies. It’s so scary and so fucking stupid. That’s why we wanted to take a minute to tell you how much we love y’all. We know we’re broken records on this, but you gorgeous freedom fighters help keep us going, help keep us fighting and help keep us sane-ish.

So on this Fourth of July, we are thankful for you. We are also thankful that the whole world doesn’t think we had sex with a piece of furniture like Vice President Jalopy Doofusnuts (JD) Vance. What an absolute chode. In fact, in our book it is your patriotic duty to spread the tale of Jammedhisweepeckerin Dasofa (JD) Vance and the time he made sweet and sloppy, if brief, love to a couch. That is, after all, what America stands for at the moment — fireworks, the flag and this country getting fucked by a weirdo asshole with a couch fetish.

Yeah, so we’re mostly thankful for you. Because while it’s fun as hell making fun of Judo Dudediddlescouches (JD), we’d much rather be governed by normal non-sucky non-creepy non-assholes. But until that happens, there’s nobody we’d rather be in this nightmare with than your hot asses. Y’all have a blessed Fourth of July.

Note two: We’re gonna do an abbreviated TBS today since it’s technically still a holiday. It’s been a long week, and all the stupid is making us dumb. But not as dumb as Joe Rogan who is acting shocked that Trump, who campaigned on mass deportations, is carrying out mass deportations. More: HuffPost

Note three: So Trump and Hegseth have been saying they cut off arms to Ukraine because the U.S. was running low. That turned out to be a goddamn lie. Oh and Trump talked to Putin yesterday just a few hours before Putin unleashed hell on Kyiv. If you can’t figure out what’s happening here, you must be a Washington reporter. More: NBC News

Note four: Trump is going to lie over and over and over again about not taxing social security. Here’s the truth… More: Associated Press

Note five: We’re sorry to report that the president hates you. We’re happy to report that we hate his saggy orange ass too. Can you imagine how hard the press would go on this if it was a Democrat saying he or she hated Republicans?

Note six: Sigh. Just when you think Trump can’t get any trashier, he announces he’s going to hold a UFC fight at the White House. We think he should make Don Jr. and Eric fight each other with chainsaws. More: The Guardian

Note seven: We have ALWAYS loved LL Cool J. But now that we see him refusing to cross a picket line, we will be listening to Doin’ It and Mama Said Knock You Out all day today. Well done, LL! (Btw, we totally forgot how dirty the lyrics to Doin’ It are.) More: CBS Philadelphia

Note eight: As everyone with a brain predicted, Los Angeles was just the start. Trump is now sending troops into Florida. It’s pretty goddamn depressing how easily Americans accepted being occupied. More: CBS News

Note nine: A House Republican scumfuck boasted on twitter that the bill he voted for this week will take healthcare away from 17 million Americans and take school lunches from 18 million kids. And then he deleted it. Because he doesn’t have the guts to tell people the truth about what he voted for. Coward. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Ok that note sent our blood pressure through the roof, so we’re gonna call it an early day. Please remember that this country is bigger than one giant asshole. This country has a lot of great stuff going for it, including you. And while it’s true that everything sucks right now, that has also been true for a lot of our history. So let’s take a beat and rest today. And then tomorrow we’ll go back to work fighting fascist fuckheads. We love y’all. We really do.

Note 11: Just for the hell of it, here’s some LL Cool J… LL COOL J - Mama Said Knock You Out (Official Music Video)

The New York Slimes
We have known since the But Her Emails coverage of 2016 that the New York Times basically works for Trump, but it has been shocking watching the paper of record become a mouthpiece for racist nutjobs. But this latest hit piece takes the racist cake. Three reporters wrote a story accusing Zohran Mamdani of something, but we’re not sure what it is. Mamdani, who was born in Uganda, checked a box for African and Asian when he applied to Columbia University. He did not get in. This information is only available because Columbia was hacked and a eugenics freak dug through it to find Mamdani. Not only did the New York Times run this racist birther smear, but they also gave anonymity to the eugenics freak. Unfortunately for the NYT, the Guardian had already identified the freak. Oh and when Times opinion writer Jamelle Bouie pointed out what had happened, he was forced to delete his social media posts. This is the same paper that refused to publish Vance’s VP vetting materials because they were hacked. What the effing fuck is going at that newspaper?! More: Mediaite

Fuckers
By now you know that House Republicans passed that monstrosity of a bill yesterday, and Trump is planning to sign it today. It is one of the most purely evil pieces of legislation we have ever seen, and Americans have no idea how much this country is about to change because of it. ICE literally has the money now to do what the actual fucking nazis did, science is now dead in America and millions of poor and working class folks are about to see their lives get much harder. And right after they passed it, House Republicans literally danced. Hold on to your anger. We’ve got a year and a half to tell every single American what these assholes just did. More: NPR

We found an antisemite!
There have been a lot of accusations of antisemitism lately. Some are well-deserved and others not so much. But through it all, we have never doubted that Trump is an antisemite. Mostly because he spends a lot of time attacking the faith of American Jews and because he’s a bigot to his core. We got more proof of this during his rally in Iowa last night when Trump used the slur “shylocks.” Trump later told reporters he had no idea that was an antisemitic slur. Sure, man. We sure aren’t shocked this came from the orange fuck who had dinner with a Holocaust denier and then started destroying universities for being antisemitic.

Today’s clips
Just ahead of the long Independence Day weekend, beaches across the country have closed and issued advisories because of excessive levels of harmful bacteria. The culprit is fecal waste, a common summer problem in both freshwater and oceans that can cause gastrointestinal illness and skin infections. More: NBC News

Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared in April that “by September we will know what has caused the autism epidemic,” setting a timeline of five months for identifying the growth of a disorder that has been heavily researched for decades across the globe. More: HuffPost

Elon Musk began his Fourth of July by firing off a series of social media posts in which he criticized President Donald Trump’s signature tax and spending bill and teased his intention of starting a third party. More: Mediaite

President Donald Trump received backlash from supporters on Thursday after he proposed legislation that would allow migrant workers who entered the United States illegally to remain. More: Mediaite