Losing his sh*t

It’s Tuesday. There are 497 days until the midterm elections. Orange SCOTUS endorses slavery and human-trafficking, chickencrap Cassidy has some concerns and a Trumpian tantrum.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. A lot of folks are these days.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, one of the things we really hate about Trump being president is the constant and nagging feeling that we’re losing our fucking minds. Despite pardoning hundreds of violent criminals, abducting and disappearing innocent people, endorsing his butcher Russian friend’s war against Ukraine and bombing Iran, Trump and his people can’t stop talking about the Nobel fucking Peace Prize. Just look at this crazy shit and tell us you aren’t starting to question the very existence of reality…

Holy fucking shit that is so dumb our brains just melted and dripped out of our sexy ears. It’s obvious to literally everyone that Trump covets the Nobel because our first Black president won one and Trump is a huge and hugely insecure racist. We hope he never, ever, ever wins one even if he sends the goddamn QAnon Shaman to steal it. But just to be sure, here’s a not real interview with the Nobel committee…

Us: Hey so are you thinking about giving Trump the peace prize?

Nobel Peace Prize committee: What are you fucking high?

Us: Ok thanks!

Welp, there you have it. And if he does win the damn thing then you have our permission to never believe in anything ever again. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The New York City mayoral primary is today. Yesterday Cuomo was endorsed by George Santos and the Libs of TikTok nutjob. We’re not making that up, so we continue to feel good about despising and opposing Cuomo. We also have a message for our party — if you want to win younger voters, then you better fucking start listening to them.

Note three: Y’all, it is hotter than hell out there for much of the country, so please be safe because we love you and we don’t want your hot asses melting. More: Weather.com

Note four: Marjorie Taylor Greene is very upset someone asked her if she and Trump broke up. Her anger gives us life. More: HuffPost

Note five: We’ll talk more about it in the news section, but our idiot president is unhinged this morning. Here he is losing what’s left of his shit on the South Lawn. Sure seems like he’s got everything handled, don’t it?

Note six: Trump also hulked out over CNN and MSNBC reporting that we have no idea if bombs took out Iran’s nuclear program at all. Unfortunately for orange dingus, his own administration is saying the same shit. More: Mediaite

Note seven: The NYT has a big scoop this morning that Emil Bove, Trump’s personal attorney and now a top DOJ official, told his team he was happy to ignore court orders to please Trump. A whistleblower is calling Bove out, and it comes just before Bove’s first hearing to be a Trump judicial appointment. Yeah, it’s all kinds of fucked up. More: New York Times, POLITICO

Note eight: Everyone hates rat scrote head Mike Lee. Even the Senate Parliamentarian. More: HuffPost

Note nine: While Los Angeles is under siege by masked thugs, most famous celebs have kept their heads down and their mouths shut. So THANK YOU to Conan O’Brien for speaking up. More: HuffPost

Note 10: And look at this courage from Diego Luna. Bravo! Sam will not shut up about the show Andor and how relevant it is to what we’re going through, and it’s pretty fucking cool to see Luna become a rebel alliance leader in real life. And thanks to Jimmy Kimmel for making this possible.

Note 11: We have failed you, Sexy Patriots. We know we should watch the HBO documentary about Gym Jordan’s role in those kids getting molested but frankly it just grosses us out too much. Have y’all seen it? Is it as damning as we’ve heard? More: Dispatch

Note 12: The FTC is now allowing mergers but only if the companies advertise on conservative websites. If that sounds corrupt as hell, that’s because it is. More: Axios

Note 13: The good people at Media Matters are suing the bad people at the FTC for their obvious political agenda and assheadery. Thank you, Media Matters. More: POLITICO

Note 14: We didn’t think this was real, but apparently dog-killer Kristi Noem is going to use FEMA funds to help build a prison camp in Florida they’re calling “Alligator Alcatraz.” We might not be the good guys in movies anymore. More: CBS

Note 15: It looks like Rep. Robert Garcia is about to become our new ranking member on the House Oversight Committee. We had been pulling for Jasmine Crockett, but she withdrew yesterday. Congrats and good luck to Rep. Garcia. Now go kick some ass.

Note 16: Here’s some good news that we really needed. Amanda Litman, the founder of Run for Something, said that “more young progressives have signed up to run for office over the last seven months than in Run for Something’s first three years combined,” according to HuffPo. So if we have a future, it will be bright. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Two awful scumbags in Texas are fighting over whether Americans should go to jail for weed. Why does Texas insist on sucking so much? More: The Texas Tribune

Note 18: For a pre-Happy Ending, holy freaking shitballs Dolly Parton is going to perform in Vegas!!! We need to be there!!! More: Variety

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we have a very sad story. The happy part is the good journalism that’s shining a light on some really horrible and fucked up shit. Thank you to Jacob Soboroff and MSNBC for keeping their eyes on the ball.

Note 20: And on that important note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a good start. But we also get it if you’re totally freaked out and pissed off. We pretty much stay that way these days. Love y’all!

Orange SCOTUS

The Supreme Court made it clear again yesterday that they are done pretending to be bound by the law and instead will make it up as they see fit to enable Trump’s madness. In an unsigned emergency order (they were too chickenshit to put their names on it), the court’s majority allowed Trump to continue deporting people to countries they’re not even from like Libya. We know from reporting that people sent there are often sold into slavery. So yeah, our SCOTUS just endorsed human fucking trafficking. They also told the lower courts to eat shit as Trump has repeatedly defied lower court orders and SCOTUS says that’s just fine. Thank you to the three liberal judges for their sharp and pointed dissent.

More: CNBC, The Independent

Cassidy the Coward

Sen. Bill Cassidy was the deciding vote to get the brain worm butthead in place as secretary of HHS. Cassidy lied to himself and to us and said that RFK Jr. promised him that he wouldn’t go all anti-vaxx. Except RFK has done exactly that, surprising nobody except apparently Cassidy. Now, in the most soft and pathetic way possible, Cassidy is starting to push back a little, calling for the first meeting of brain worm guy’s vaccine panel to be delayed until there are some actual experts on there. What a novel concept. Maybe if Cassidy hadn’t been such a gutless bitch in the first place, then he wouldn’t have to do shit like this.

More: NBC

All is well!

The president of the United States is totally losing his shit. That would always be a bad thing, but it’s far worse when he didn’t have that much shit to lose in the first place. We already showed you parts of his South Lawn tantrum from this morning, but that doesn’t do justice to his frightening mindset. Using all-caps post on Social Media, Trump has been screaming at Israel to not drop anymore bombs. Then, while we were writing, Trump decided to go after some women of color, attacking AOC, Jasmine Crockett and Ilhan Omar in a long and crazy screed that ended with “MAKE MY DAY” when it comes to another impeachment. It’s obvious that Trump thought he would wave a magic wand and bring peace to the Middle East and now that’s not happening, he is cracking up. It’s pretty wild to watch a guy with no brain lose his mind.

More: MSNBC

Today’s clips

A federal jury on Monday awarded $500,000 to the widow and estate of a police officer who killed himself nine days after he helped defend the U.S. Capitol from a mob of rioters, including a man who scuffled with the officer during the attack. More: NBC

Senate Democrats forced the removal of a provision in Republicans' sweeping domestic policy bill that sought to restrict the power of courts to block federal government policies with injunctions or restraining orders. More: NBC

Democrats on Tuesday will select their new leader of the House Oversight Committee, a lawmaker who will play a critical role in investigating President Donald Trump and his administration in the next Congress if the party takes control of the chamber in the 2026 midterm elections. More: NBC

Fox News anchor Bret Baier confronted Vice President JD Vance over the potential “mixed messages” in President Donald Trump’s remarks about “regime change” in Iran. More: Mediaite

Time magazine’s new cover depicts a bellowing Donald Trump as the flame of Lady Liberty for a story about the president’s deportation crusade. More: HuffPost