Liberate Los Angeles!

It’s Tuesday. There are 483 days until the midterm elections. Karen Bass says GTFO, Bibi’s Nobel BS and we’re gonna need to tax churches.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it’s not afraid to ride the subway like a total wuss.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we regret to inform you that shit continues to be fucked up. There is nowhere this is more true right now than in Texas, where rescue workers continue to find victims of floods and government incompetence. And you can’t spell government incompetence without this dumb sonofabitch…

Oh goddamnit, Rafael. You can always count on Teddy Tourist to be nowhere around when the shit hits the fan. Does he even live in Texas? Has he ever been there before? Has he ever even had Texas toast? We don’t know the answers to those questions, and we don’t care. But we are grateful to Cruz because he’s given us an idea. If Trump and DOGE are going to stick with their idiotic cuts to the National Weather Service and other forecasting tools, then we’re going to need a new warning system. So we’ve come up with the Oh Shit Ted Cruz is Making a Run For It Weather System.

Basically if you see Sen. Cruz heading for a vacation paradise, then, buddy, you better haul ass. And if you don’t want to get that close to him to track his movements, which we certainly understand, simply look for the trail of slime he leaves as he abandons his constituents and lives the good life somewhere far, far from Texas. This is not to be confused with Ted Cruz Groundhog Day when he temporarily pulls his head out of Trump’s ass to tell us if we’re getting six more weeks of winter.

Obviously we don’t mean to make light of such a horrible tragedy, but we’re pretty fucking sick and tired of watching this assholes fail to do the jobs we pay them to do. And Cruz just sucks sweaty hog balls. Y’all have a blessed day. More: HuffPost

Note two: Someone used AI to impersonate Liddle Marco Rubio and contacted foreign ministers, a governor and a member of Congress. Apparently someone told ChatGPT to act like a neutered ass-kissing bitchweasel and it turned into Marco. More: CNN

Note three: This is funny but not funny. The Fox News weenies are absolutely losing their shit over Superman being an immigrant and caring about kindness. Sorry, losers, but they’re never gonna make a movie where Superman attacks the Capitol, beats up some cops and then kisses the orange ass of a dumbfuck gameshow host. More: Media Matters

Note four: Y’all know we’ve been just absolutely disgusted by the New York Times’ bullshit attacks on Zohran Mamdani. Thank you to former NYT public editor Margaret Sullivan for calling them out and reading them for filth. More: The Guardian

Note five: Speaking of Zo, this dude seems to really love New York and New Yorkers. You can see why he must be destroyed.

Note six: The right-wing freakshow is losing it over Dan Bongino covering up for Trump and Epstein. We love watching these assholes get wrecked by the monster they fed. More: Mediaite

Note seven: They right really is melting down over this stuff. Alex Jones even started crying, and that put a big smile on our faces. More: HuffPost

Note eight: Thank you to HuffPo for calling out Trump’s “gibberish” when asked about his broken promise to make 90 deals in 90 days. The thing the rest of the press has conveniently forgotten is that when this all started, Trump told Meet the Press he already had 200 deals with 200 countries even though there aren’t that many countries on earth. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Trump went ahead with more of his dumb tariff shit yesterday and something interesting happened — the markets didn’t give a shit. Hey if they’re learning to ignore this asshole, maybe the rest of us can too. More: CNBC

Note 10: Independent journalist Marisa Kabas continues to run circles around the mainstream media, coming through today with an important dispatch about FEMA in Texas.

Note 11: Amazon Prime Day is underway, and that’s the perfect time to invite Jeff Bezos to fuck off and kiss our asses. NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note 12: We know this is hard to believe, but that brainworm idiot who’s taking our vaccines is totally full of shit. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Despite mixed signals from Trump, the head of the U.S. Ag Department said this morning that farms won’t be exempted from ICE raids and that people who want Medicaid should do those jobs instead. So if you want healthcare in Trump’s America, get your ass out in the fields and start picking crops.

Note 14: Seriously has anyone seen FEMA head David Richardson? Or is he still trying to figure out what a hurricane season is?

Note 15: We’ve seen a lot of well-meaning folks say that FIFA should move the World Cup from the U.S. next year. What those folks maybe don’t realize is that FIFA is almost as corrupt as Trump. In fact, they just moved into his fucking building.

Note 16: U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy spends all his time on Fox whining about how scary it is to ride the subway. Well almost all his time. He’s apparently spending 17 hours a day in Trump’s tanning bed. Why are these tough guys such wimps? And why are they so orange?

Note 17: Trump said he’s going to send more weapons to Ukraine. We’d love to know what the fuck he’s waiting for. More: Mediaite

Note 18: Juicybutt Dickmouth (JD) Vance was all about the Epstein files being released. So why is he so quiet now? Probably because he’s having sex with a couch. But also because Trump is covering this shit up. More: HuffPost

Note 19: Speaking of Jello Dingus (JD), here he is getting booed to hell and back. We’re not sure when this video is from, and frankly we don’t care. We just love it when this weirdo asshead comes into contact with real Americans who hate his creepy guts.

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. And if you’re not, we’re sorry to report that Ted Cruz won’t help. Or maybe that’s a good thing. Love y’all!

Git ‘em, Karen
There were some ugly, anti-American scenes in Los Angeles yesterday as armed troops invaded MacArthur Park, scaring a bunch of school kids and arresting exactly zero dangerous criminals. L.A. is not putting up with this shit. Residents showed up to tell the machine gun-wielding assholes to “get the fuck out of here!” L.A. Mayor Karen Bass did the same, getting on the phone and telling whoever was in charge they needed to get the fuck out of the park. Shortly after that, Fox News was asking DHS if they’ll arrest Bass. Go ahead. We fucking dare you. We’re already seeing more scenes of military movement in the city this morning as America’s second-largest city remains occupied and most of America doesn’t give a shit. More: The Independent

Bibi’s BS
Netanyahu was at the White House yesterday to kiss Trump ass. The best part — Bibi told Trump he nominated him for a Nobel Peace Prize. Because if anyone knows anything about peace, it’s these two pricks, right? The whole scene was very embarrassing, but we just can’t get over the guy who has enabled Putin, enabled Bibi and sent armed troops after his own citizens is supposed to be a peace guy. If he ever does win the thing, it will stop having any meaning at all. More: Associated Press

Pulpit politics
Trump’s cronies at the IRS announced yesterday that churches and church leaders can now endorse political candidates without jeopardizing their tax-exempt status. So yeah, that wall between church and state is just dust now. It has been so gross watching so-called Christians worshipping a false and orange idol these last few years, and now we know it’s only going to get grosser. It will be damn hard for Democrats to put this toothpaste back in the tube, but we’re gonna have to figure out a way to do it. Either that or we’re gonna start a cussing church. More: CNBC

Today’s clips
Florida still has not released the number of people being detained at what they call "Alligator Alcatraz" – but for the first time, we’re hearing from several men who are being held inside the facility. More: NBC Miami

The death toll from the Texas flooding disaster reached 105 victims on Tuesday as crews began to shift from rescue operations to recovery as the hope of finding survivors faded. More: The Independent

The dealings to settle President Donald Trump’s lawsuit against “60 Minutes” may have been even more complicated and unseemly than was initially known. More: HuffPost

CNN anchor Kaitlan Collins roasted President Donald Trump’s base and his administration over what she described as a “meltdown of their own making” about the non-release of the so-called “Epstein Files.” More: Mediaite

The latest from Adam