Let’s do this

It’s Tuesday. There are 364 days until the midterm elections AND TODAY IS ELECTION DAY! Cuomo’s gross close, Republicans have a nazi problem and saying bye to (a) Dick.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Now let’s go win some fucking elections.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Welcome the start of the comeback. It has been a shit year filled with shit people doing shit things. And today, we begin to roll it back. We have much work to do, and it won’t be easy. Trump is doing so much damage to so much of what we hold dear. And this little bitch ain’t seen none of it…

Yeah, the little Keebler kiss-ass says he hasn’t seen nuthin’. We suppose if you spend all your time kissing orange ass, then there’s a good chance you might get debilitating pink eye. But this is still pretty goddamn outrageous. So we have an idea. What’s something that Mike Little Johnson and his scummy pals in the GOP can’t ignore and can’t pretend they didn’t see? Well how about an ass-whoopin’.

As y’all know, we abhor violence, especially political violence. But we live for fucking up some Republicans metaphorically at the ballot box. So today let’s open up a can of Whoop Pedophile Ass and don’t stop until it’s empty. It’s the only thing these deranged creeps understand. Leave it all out on the field, SPs. We need this. And really, Mike Johnson does too whether he knows it or not. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’re already seeing bomb threats at Democratic polling places in New Jersey. It’s a good reminder that there were bomb threats to Democratic polling places last year too, but the guy who won didn’t give a shit. More: New Jersey News 12

Note three: We had somehow missed this, but Lauren Boebert is racist trash. We expect better from members of Congress who jerk off random dudes at the theater. More: HuffPost

Note four: Trump held tele-rallies yesterday for the New Jersey and Virginia candidates, although he didn’t even mention the Virginia candidate lol. Remember that he didn’t go in person because he’s enormously unpopular and his cankles wouldn’t let him. More: NBC News

Note five: Here’s the Republican candidate in Virginia that Trump didn’t mention. Racist fucking idiots. All of them.

Note six: The government shutdown is now tied for the longest in history. We’re hearing that gutless chickenshits like Chris Coons and Jeanne Shaheen are ready to surrender. Let’s hope that’s not true. More: NBC News

Note seven: There are some media outlets that die, and we say good they had it coming. Teen Vogue is not one of those outlets. They have been doing some of the best politics work of any news organization, so of course they had to be destroyed. Goddamnit. More: The Cut

Note eight: Trump folded and will partially fund SNAP. But only because some judges made him. More: Associated Press

Note nine: Laura Loomer is now credentialed to cover the Pentagon. She’s too batshit crazy to buy a gun but not to cover wars. What a country. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Here are the polling hours for some big states today. Check your local times, and please don’t wait until the last minute.

Note 11: Today’s news got us thinking about this, so we thought we’d share it — Henry Kissinger is still dead.

Note 12: The NYC early voting numbers are wild! We don’t think America is ready to be done with democracy just yet. More: HuffPost

Note 13: “Any Jewish person that votes for Zohran Mamdani, a proven and self professed JEW HATER, is a stupid person.” That’s the message from Trump this morning. Yiiiiikes. Keep in mind that between the two of them, only Trump has dined with a Holocaust denier and called nazis “very fine people.”

Note 14: This isn’t about politics or the collapse of American democracy, but we want everyone to know more about Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone. More: NBC News

Note 15: So yeah, what the hell is going on here? Actually don’t tell us. We just ate.

Note 16: We had no idea the Trump administration actually put the sandwich guy on trial. Do the right thing, D.C. jurors. More: NBC News

Note 17: We finally figured out Trump’s healthcare plan. Basically if you’re a deranged shithead who used to draw Dilbert then you just call up your friends with brain worms and get help. The rest of us are screwed though. More: NPR

Note 18: Greg “the Gasser” Bovino said a man injured his groin and it took him two weeks to recover. But the feds just dropped the charges. So Greg must have lied about getting hit. Or about having a groin. More: TPM

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re looking at you. We want to say THANK YOU. Y’all are the reason we have hope that this country ain’t done yet. We’re so damn grateful to you for all the hard work you’ve put in to make this a successful Election Day and send a message to the sick fucks who are wrecking everything. We might not have much, but we have each other. And there is nobody we’d rather be in this fight with than you. Love y’all!!!

Disgraced again
Andrew Cuomo showed his true colors. Again. The disgraced ex-gov who killed senior citizens and sexually harassed women closed his desperate attempt to be NYC mayor by going full racist against Zohran Mamdani. Cuomo even accepted Trump’s endorsement and said nothing while Elon Leon Musk, John Rocker and Stephen Miller used Islamophobic bullhorns to attack the young candidate. We are really hoping that it didn’t work and that NYC saw this gross shit and plans to reject it outright. The pundits and the racists have come for Zohran from the beginning. Despite that, he has run a fun and positive campaign that never stopped focusing on affordability. Good luck, Zo! More: The Guardian

We already knew this
A lot of Republicans are apparently surprised to learn that their nazi party is a nazi party. Apparently there is a civil war in the GOP right now after Tucker Carlon hosted neo-nazi Nick Fuentes for a friendly interview. People like Ted Cruz and Ben Shapiro are furious, insisting that nazis have no place in the Republican Party. The nazis disagree, and they’re right since they are essentially the GOP’s base. The reality is Cruz and Shapiro wanted this scum in their party until it became inconvenient. What do you call someone who hangs out with nazis? A fucking nazi. Yeah, you know what’s worse than interviewing Fuentes? Having dinner with him at Mar-a-Lago. Which Trump did. More: Wired

Bye, Dick
We woke up to a good sign for today’s elections — Dick Cheney died. Cheney, who lied us into a deadly war and helped expand presidential power to what you see today, was 84. While it’s true that Cheney did a flip-flop and became an anti-Trumper after the orange asshead attacked his daughter, we’re never gonna forget that little thing called the Iraq War. We’re not the first to say it, but there would be no Trump without Dick Cheney before him. There will be obituaries that talk about how controversial or polarizing Cheney was. But we think he was a fucking scumbag, and we’re happy to say so. More: Associated Press

Today’s clips
A Fox News report prompted President Donald Trump to call out Nigeria over the killing of Christians and then threaten military action, setting off a scramble in the White House over the weekend, according to multiple U.S. officials. More: NBC News

The majority of the corporate donors to President Donald Trump’s ballroom are facing or have recently faced federal enforcement actions, according to a report by a watchdog group. More: Mediaite

The government shutdown is triggering a wave of closures of Head Start centers, leaving working parents scrambling for child care and shutting some of the nation’s neediest children out of preschool. More: Associated Press

On Wednesday, the Supreme Court will consider whether President Donald Trump overstepped his authority by claiming emergency power to impose tariffs around the world. The high court, which has frequently ruled in Trump’s favor, has a lot at stake: A win for Trump could, once again, expand the powers of the presidency forever. More: HuffPost

Seth Meyers on Monday put Donald Trump on blast after the president attacked the “Late Night” host on social media, calling the comedian a “truly deranged lunatic” for mocking his recent complaints about U.S. Navy aircraft carriers. More: HuffPost