Lame D*ck

It’s Wednesday. There are 146 days until the midterm elections. A Republican lie falls apart, Trump-flation jumps and so much for an Iran deal.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But only because everything is fucked up.

Note: Well hot damn, Sexy Patriots! Summer is just underway, but we have been feeling the heat! We don’t know if we’re just sharing some spicy takes or if we’re just being assholes (it has happened before), but it sure seems like people are on edge and ready to throw down these days. And we love that about you. It’s how we feel too. We just have to remind ourselves sometimes to be kind to each other and save our fury for the fuckheads.

And one good way for us all to unit is by making fun of Nancy Mace for being a HUGE FUCKING LOSER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Oh it’s so goddamn sweet, ain’t it? Nancy Mace, the rat from the expression “crazier than a shithouse rat,” came in fifth place in the South Carolina gubernatorial primary after Trump told her to get bent during the campaign. She’s still gonna probably spend time hanging out in bathrooms scaring people, but now she’ll be doing it as a private citizen. Yeah, there have been a lot of mean assholes to come through the GOP in the Trump years, and Mace has to be near the top of the list. In fact, we’re not even gonna gloat (except to say HAHAHAH, EAT SHIT, NANCY!!!) because we saw someone who deserved to enjoy this moment even more than us…

Well said, Sarah. Fuck off, eat shit and kiss our asses, Nancy. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Who needs some therapy? Yeah, us too. How about today at 4:30 p.m. ET/1:30 p.m. PT? Awesome! We’ll see you there. We’ll be the guys doing all the cussing. Find us here on Substack or YouTube then!

Note three: Some really scary scenes out of Belfast, where Elon Leon Musk’s incendiary tweets led to a pogrom against immigrants. At some point, some nation is gonna have to get tough with the Super Nerd. Now would be a good time. More: The Guardian

Note four: Congrats to Democratic AG Aaron Ford on winning the gubernatorial nomination in Nevada. We’re feeling lucky now! More: The Hill

Note five: We really, really, really hope someone shows this to Trump…

Note six: Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan have a book coming out about Trump, and today they dropped an excerpt about how the White House was actually in a full panic over the Epstein files. Can you imagine what a scandal it would have been if any other president had used the Situation Room to strategize covering up a child rape scandal? More: New York Times

Note seven: Think CNN can’t suck anymore than they already do? Well just wait. More: NY Post

Note eight: Speaking of Epstein, Bill Gates is testifying today. Remember when we thought this guy was just a non-creepy nerd boy? Those were the good ol’ days. More: CNN

Note nine: Dean Cain is a loser and a piece of shit. If you don’t know who Dean Cain is, don’t worry because nobody else does either. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Maine voters made their decision last night…

Note 11: Lindsey Graham said earlier this year he wants to send South Carolina’s sons and daughters to the Middle East. Republicans there still voted for him. Freaks. More: NBC News

Note 12: That cage match bullshit isn’t just a national embarrassment; it’s also a grift. So just like everything else about Trump. More: NBC News

Note 13: We really didn’t want to show you this. Can you imagine if Obama had… oh fuck it.

Note 14: Republicans just gave ICE another $70 billion. We hope they make it last because we are shutting that shit down asap. More: AP

Note 15: We are grateful to every American who called out Trump’s gross efforts to get us all to snitch on the exhibits at national parks. Thanks for calling out this bullshit. More: AP

Note 16: Trump and Stephen A. Smith are fighting. If you like watching two idiots butt heads, then this is the slap fight for you. As far as we’re concerned, they can both fuck all the way off. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Looks like Trump just lost to Canada…

Note 18: One of the greatest athletes of all time is back on a tennis court, and we think that’s fucking awesome. More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to shout out Hunter Biden. We’ve mentioned this a time or two, but Hunter is posting A LOT on twitter and when he’s not owning trolls, he’s talking in a very real way about addiction. It’s a damn heroic thing to do, and we appreciate it.

Note 20: And on that powerful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Unless you are Nancy Mace. In which case, LOLOL!!! Love y’all!

BONUS: Hunter got us in a mood to listen to some Johnny Cash, so here’s Tennessee Stud…

More: YouTube

Califuckoff

Since another one of their reality tv assholes ate shit in an election, Republicans from Trump on down the line have been bitching and moaning about how California Democrats are stealing elections. If only! Unfortunately for the dumb and dishonest and Tom Steyer, Republican Steve Hilton advanced to the general election for governor in the state, proving yet again that Trump scumbags are fucking lying about election fraud. Spencer Pratt lost because he’s a loser and a con-artist and Angelenos aren’t stupid or self-destructive. Or at least not that self-destructive. Now we all need to make sure we get behind Xavier Becerra to make sure a Trumpy Republican from England isn’t the next governor of the Golden State.

More: NBC News

Trumpflation Spike

Well it turns out that Donald Trump didn’t lower prices on Day One. In fact, anyone who believed that would happen clearly has a buttcheek where their brain should be. But not only has Trump failed to lower prices, he and his stupid fucking war have made things worse. We found out this morning that inflation is up 4.2 percent year-over-year, which is the highest since 2023. Why? Because of the price of oil. Why? Well because the president of the United States is a spoiled rotten rich asshole who has never put gas in a car.

More: CNBC

Sigh

Speaking of Trump’s stupid war, it’s still going on. Yeah, despite his endless efforts to tell us a deal is coming any minute now, Trump is now back on his bullshit and threatening more bombing. There was reporting yesterday that Trump didn’t want to strike back after Iran took out a U.S. helicopter and had to be pressured to do so by Hegseth and Gen. Caine. The draft-dodger is stuck in a quagmire he created, and he’s grown bored with it. So yeah, this mess ain’t getting cleaned up anytime soon. Also, Trump should stop mentioning Allah in his Truth Social posts. Unless he wants to enlist to go fight a holy war.

More: AP

Today’s clips

Republican-turned-independent Rep. Kevin Kiley and former Democratic state Sen. Richard Pan advanced to the November election Tuesday in a Northern California congressional district while a progressive Democrat advanced to face Republican Rep. David Valadao in a Central Valley one.

The races set up significant tests of whether Democrats’ redraw of California’s House maps will pay off for the party. More: AP

Republican former Gov. Paul LePage is moving on to the general election in Maine’s 2nd District, NBC News projects, as the crowded Democratic field in one of the country’s most important battleground districts remains unresolved ahead of a ranked choice voting tabulation. More: NBC News

Billionaire climate activist Tom Steyer’s bid for governor of California is the second time he has spent more than nine figures in an unsuccessful attempt to win public office. More: NBC News

Spike Lee is predicting a “love fest” on the streets of the Big Apple if the New York Knicks win the NBA Finals — and he doesn’t want ICE anywhere near it. More: HuffPost

“60 Minutes” correspondent Lesley Stahl gave a telling toast over Champagne this week to colleagues at the CBS news show.

“My toast was, ‘to us,’ meaning the survivors,” Stahl told The New York Times on Tuesday. “Maybe ‘us’ with a twinge of survivor’s guilt.” More: HuffPost

A World Cup referee from Somalia who was denied entry to the United States was received by a crowd of supporters and officials Wednesday as he arrived in Somalia’s capital of Mogadishu, where he said he plans to be at the next World Cup and urged Somali youths to be proud of their country. More: HuffPost