Killer Kennedy Must Feed

It’s Tuesday. There are 511 days until the midterm elections. Killer Kennedy must feed, Trump sends in the Marines (to L.A.) and standing with a Dreamer.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can tell John Fetterman to eat shit.

Note: Hello, Sexy Patriots. Greetings and salutations from occupied L.A. Trump’s war against America is heating up, and America has no plans to surrender. The assholes attacking us aren’t even hiding out how much they hate us anymore. Look at how Krisi Noem talks about America’s second largest city…

Well fuck you too! It takes a lot of balls to brag about shooting dogs in the fucking face and then turn around and smear a whole freaking city. Like sure Sam has had a few brushes with the law, but he never shot no dogs. So yeah, a major American city is being attacked by a federal government that is under the control of psycho dog-killers. It’s not great. We wanted more info on our attackers, so here’s another interview with the ghost of Cricket the dog…

Us: Hey Cricket! Good girl! Good girl!

Cricket’s Ghost: Thanks, guys! Loving the newsletter from doggie Heaven.

Us: That’s really sweet, Cricket. You really are a good dog. So have you seen what your old owner is doing?

CG: Yeah, she’s fucking crazy, man. Trust me. She’s got that deranged look in her eye, man.

Us: Do you have a message for L.A.?

CG: Don’t play dead. It doesn’t work. She likes to hump the corpse.

Us: Jesus!

CG: Yeah, she’s pretty sick.

Sigh. Please call your members of Congress and ask them to stand up for California. We don’t want the Golden State to get the Cricket treatment. Y’all have a blessed day. Call Congress at 202-224-3121

Note two: We actually would like to invite John Fetterman to eat all the shit today after he joined Republicans in attacking the people of Los Angeles. We are so excited to watch Uncle Fester get his hoodie-covered ass handed to him in the next primary. Fuck you, Fettermanchin. More: The Hill

Note three: An important part of self-care in these shitty times is to make sure you are setting aside a few minutes every day to laugh at the public humiliation of our nazi overlords. For example, Pam Bondi’s buttfaced brother suffered a massive embarrassment yesterday and we made it a priority to point and laugh at his loser ass. More: NPR

Note four: We really wish we only had one piece of bad news from the brain worm shithead today. Unfortunately that’s not the case. The bleach people are very happy right now. We want to be joking so bad. Alas… More: Wired

Note five: If you’re still using Uber or Uber Eats, this is a good time to tell them to get fucked…

Note six: We saw in the comments section that some folks need some help with their No Kings signs for the big protest. We’re giving it some serious thought, but in the meantime, feel free to put your suggestions there for others to see. And like blue blazers and little black dresses, remember that you can never go wrong with a simple but elegant Fuck Trump.

Note seven: Some good news from the House as a big-time GOP asshead surprised his party by announcing he’s leaving Congress. We are not sorry to see him go. More: HuffPost

Note eight: Mike Lindell is having a hard time. That gives us joy. More: Associated Press

Note nine: America is going fascist. Florida is already there. More: Associated Press

Note 10: We aren’t cool enough to know who Doechii is, but she won a big rap award last night and used her time to call out Trump’s attacks on Americans. So now we are HUGE Doechii fans.

Note 11: Yesterday we told you about how California labor leader David Huerta was assaulted and detained. He has now been released, but they charged him with a felony. For texting. More: ABC7 Los Angeles

Note 12: It’s Tuesday. Are people voting where you live? If so, join them. And please don’t vote for assholes. More: NBC News

Note 13: This one really hurts. Sly Stone died. We are pretty big fans. If you haven’t seen Questlove’s documentaries about Sly or Harlem’s Summer of Soul, we highly recommend them. RIP to a genius. More: Variety

Note 14: The World Bank said this morning that Trump’s assheaded trade war will slow down the economy. Yeah, no shit. More: The Guardian

Note 15: You really gotta hand it to Green Day and Billie Joe Armstrong. Those dudes have been saying fuck you to fascism from the jump.

Note 16: Dr. Phil is embedded with the assholes attacking L.A. We love Oprah, but we would really, really love the chance to ask her about some of the dirtbags she introduced to us. Also, phuck Dr. Phil. More: The Guardian

Note 17: Latinas for Trump says this is “not what we voted for.” We assume it’s either her first day on earth or she has serious brain damage. More: The Guardian

Note 18: Trump said yesterday he thinks Tom Homan should arrest Gavin Newsom. When asked what crime Newsom committed, Trump said he ran for governor. Seems legit, right? More: KTLA

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to the baseball diamond and one of the best damn catches we’ve ever seen.

Note 20: And on that holy shit note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there while Trump wages war against your country. If it’s too much at times, we recommend you spend some time with Sly. Love y’all! More: YouTube

Well this is fucking terrifying
So remember how the brain worm asshole promised Sen. Bill Cassidy that he would keep vaccine experts at the CDC? Well that was a lie. Yesterday RFK fired all 17 members of the CDC’s panel of vaccine advisers. He’s going to replace them with his own picks. Cassidy was on twitter trying to reassure everyone and himself, but it didn’t work. We’re still totally freaked out and also we knew this would happen. Why didn’t Cassidy? It’s important to remember that RFK Jr. has killed before and he will kill again. More: NPR

Invasion
With Gov. Gavin Newsom and Californians pushing back against his illegal bullshit, Trump is upping his attack on Los Angeles, sending in another 2,000 troops. Literally none of this is necessary. L.A. riots harder when the Clippers win and nobody here even likes the Clippers. This is an authoritarian power grab, and every single Democrat should be calling it out unless they want to see these troops in their state or city next. Trump keeps lying and saying the city would have been destroyed without him. But remember — LAPD said the troops were not necessary. And LAPD loves an excuse to break the law and brutalize some protesters. More: HuffPost

Standing with a Dreamer
If you’re on social media, you’re probably familiar with Derek Guy. Also known as the Menswear Guy, Derek has been roasting the shitty sartorial decisions of fascist fuckheads for a couple of years now. His posts and roasts are hilarious, informative and fascinating. Well this week Derek made the courageous decision to let people know that he is an undocumented Dreamer. How did the right react? By threatening to deport him, with even Jiggles Dickdrip (JD) Vance getting in on the action. It’s another great reminder that these heartless scumbags don’t actually care about the law or deporting criminals. They want to use power to hurt people who laugh at them. So keep laughing at them. More: The Hill

Today’s clips
The protests that roiled Los Angeles over the weekend were set to spread Tuesday across the country, as activists planned demonstrations in New York, Chicago, Dallas, Atlanta and elsewhere. More: NBC News

Legendary sportscaster Bob Costas criticized the media over its handling of President Donald Trump’s second term during an awards ceremony on Monday night. More: Mediaite

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem urged Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to ask the military to detain “lawbreakers” in Los Angeles, according to a report from The San Francisco Chronicle. More: HuffPost

The latest from Adam