Kamala Has Really Stepped Up

Today’s Big Stuff. August 9, 2024.

Happy Friday. There are 88 days until the general election. We’re actually getting a debate, Trump will ban abortion pills and Joe Biden is a good man.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s why we’re so much cooler than the other newsletters. 

Note: OLYMPICS SPOILER ALERT!!! Sexiest of Patriots! How art thou this fine day? Sexy and confused why we’re talking like this? We get it, and we don’t have a good answer. But after watching Trump yesterday, we just figured dumbnuts crazytown gibberish was en vogue these days. It’s getting hard to find eloquent people these days. Thank goodness for Team USA’s Kevin Durant, who said this after yesterday’s thrilling win over Serbia in the basketball semifinals…

Well said, KD. For the last eight years, there has been a dark cloud of that bullshit hanging over our country. To be sure there have been occasional rays of light that broke through, but that cloud persisted. This summer, however, has felt like the great American comeback is hitting its stride. President Joe Biden’s administration got us here, Vice President Harris is taking us to new heights, we’re winning at the Olympics and Nazis are sad. The sun is shining, and it is oh so beautiful. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! 

So let us proceed like our nominee, as happy warriors, joyous at the chance to preserve our democracy and remain a beacon of light and hope for the world. And let us defeat and mock the sad pee-stained loser in Florida with laughter and giant smiles on our faces. Because the time for bullshit is over. Now it’s time for “great things to happen.” Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Y’all, we have some really exciting news. From now until Election Day, we are going to start putting out a weekend edition of Today’s Big Stuff. The news doesn’t stop over the weekend, so the cussing shouldn’t either. We’re still figuring out what this looks like, but get ready for some more hot TBS. 

Note three: The right-wing weirdo assheads are fighting again. Yesterday Joe Rogan endorsed RFK Jr. and the red hat losers are furious. It’s so sad when the worst people in the world fight each other. More: Variety

Note four: Neil Gorsuch said he thinks the Supreme Court is doing a good job. The American people disagree — 76 percent of Americans want a binding code of ethics for the justices. Let’s hope the court’s arrogance and corruption leads to actual reform. More: USA Today

Note five: THIS IS OUR CANDIDATE!!!

Note six: Can someone check on Jake Tapper and see if he’s still crying from Tim Walz’s couch joke? If you can’t find him, just look for fourth place. That’s usually where CNN is.

Note seven: If you watched Trump pants-shitting press conference yesterday, then you might think the New York Times and the other news organizations that howled for Joe Biden to step aside must have been sounding the alarm this morning. You’d be wrong. Our national political media continues to normalize the abnormal. 

Note eight: There were a few stories about how orangey claimed he was in a helicopter crash with former San Francisco Willie Brown, even though that definitely never happened. More: CNN

Note nine: Mortgage rates are dropping. Thanks, Dark Brandon. More: CNN

Note 10: How great has it been to watch UAW president Shawn Fain peel the orange paint off Trump these last few months? We like this dude.

Note 11: Speaker Pelosi has a new book coming out, and the interviews she’s been doing this week have been fascinating. More: NPR

Note 12: The Wall Street Journal editorial page, which is about as right-wing garbage as you can get, says the bullshit “stolen valor” charges against Tim Walz are “thin gruel.” So maybe the news should be writing stories about how Juggle Deeznuts (JD) Vance likes to make up shit to attack his fellow veterans. More: WSJ

Note 13: So you know how yesterday was the first time we’d seen Trump all week? Get used to it. He’s basically going into hiding, and the press doesn’t seem to care. Frankly, we’re grateful to get a break from his constant dipshittery, but it does seem like a pretty big story that he’s giving up on campaigning and just planning to let his goons steal the election. More: CNBC

Note 14: Ugh. Jack Smith asked for a three-week delay in the Jan. 6 case so he can figure out how it’s affected by the SCOTUS immunity ruling. Seems like this crap has been delayed long enough. More: CNN

Note 15: LOLOL!!! HE SAID SOFA!!!

Note 16: RFK Jr. will be on the ballot in Texas. So maybe Texas is in play now. More: Texas Tribune

Note 17: Elon Musk is doing everything he can to destroy American democracy and the concept of truth. It ain’t good. More: Mother Jones

Note 18: It’s sure looking like the Democratic convention is gonna be a hoot! More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to show you this clip of what VP Harris was doing while Trump was busy being a weird loser. This is a candidate we can all be proud to support and work our hot asses off for.

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have a had a lovely week. Watch out for the bullshit, and let’s go do some great things. Love y’all!

Let’s fucking go
After a couple weeks of running like the chickenshit that he is, Trump has finally agreed to debate VP Harris. And he gave her exactly what she demanded. The agreed upon debate will be Sept. 10 on ABC. This dude is a terrible negotiator. He also wants debates on NBC and Fox. Under no circumstances should Fox get a debate, and if they want to have a national conversation about the $787 million they had to pay for lying about the last election, then we’re just fine with that. More: Axios

You heard him
While rambling like a butt-brained idiot yesterday, Trump did make a little news when he said he’d be open to banning mifepristone, the abortion medication. He also said abortion isn’t that big of an issue, and he wouldn’t say how he plans to vote on Florida’s abortion rights amendment. It seems pretty obvious he didn’t know what any of this shit meant, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the threat he presents to women’s rights. We’ve already seen how much damage he can do. More: 19th News

Damnit, Joe
Why is Dark Brandon trying to make us cry? While orange dingus continues to disgust and weird us out, Joe Biden keeps reminding us what a good man looks like. Yesterday, Biden and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden traveled to Wilmington, Delaware to have ice cream with and thank the campaign staff that had been with him before moving over to the Harris-Walz campaign. We know this must be painful as hell for the Bidens, but their grace and patriotism and just overall goodness has been remarkable. Thank you, Mr. President. More: Associated Press

Today’s clips
The 95-year-old League of United Latin American Citizens has endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, breaking with its past practice of not formally supporting any political candidates. More: NBC News

A major ad industry group is shutting down, days after Elon Musk-owned X filed a lawsuit that claimed the group illegally conspired to boycott advertising on his platform. More: CNN

Debby no longer a tropical storm but still bringing abundant rain: Live updates More: MSN